Ask Goddess Leonie: Being okay with pregnancy & impermanency

by Leonie Dawson on January 13, 2010

Whenever I can, I answer an Ask Goddess Leonie question. To get your question answered, just add your question here.

A sweet and shining goddess asked this question:

I just found your website and am very intrigued by your voice. I’ve been reading a lot & soaking it up.  I’ve been thinking a lot about your  “hello-and-see-you-soon-pregnancy” view.  I can’t help but just ask you.  I feel the need to understand, it seems a gentle way to look at it… but I can’t seem to wrap my head around it completely.

Thank you for your question sweetie… it’s a good one.

We found out we were pregnant at five weeks, and decided to share it with the world.

It is our first pregnancy, and we knew that around 1 in 5 pregnancies don’t make it to twelve weeks. That’s the beautiful mystery of life… not all pregnancies result in a baby.

Does that make them any less sacred, holy, or precious? No.

We wanted to share it because our world was changed in an instant, and our sweet souls were already transforming.

We believed that no matter the outcome of this pregnancy, that we would be changed from it, and that we needed to share our story… the story that often doesn’t get shared… the story that happens to every man and woman when they find out they are pregnant.

We felt our journey was deep and dear to us – whether it ended up with the result of a babe-in-arms, or if it was my body preparing the way for future pregnancies, or if it was leading us the way of a journey we hadn’t yet glimpsed. We believe that our pregnancy is a gift – no matter what the outcome.

We feel that we will be gifted with the right thing for us at the right time.

I don’t believe that what we *want* is always what we *need* for the perfect ripening of our journeys. Great Spirit, and the beautiful universe will give us what we needed.

There’s a few reasons I don’t feel like what I *want* is necessarily what I *need* for the evolution of my soul.

My brother passed away in an accident when I was 14. And it was the thing that I never wanted to have happen. It was the thing I prayed every night would never happen. And yet, it did. And yes, it was incredibly painful at the time, and I grieved losing him for a long, long time. I still do some days. But the thing I learned? Was that I didn’t actually lose him. You never really lose someone who is a part of your soul, your story and your love.

My brother showed me that love goes through all the doors and walls of this plane and the next. Though I can’t see him, I know he is still around, loving, guiding and helping me and my family. He has taught me so much in his passing, and he is still very much my big brother. He likes to talk, and he likes me to listen.

Death didn’t cause the end of our relationship – it keeps on growing, blooming like any other relationship. My brother is just more starry now.

Mostly, I just feel exceptionally lucky that I received my brother to love… for the 14 years I knew him physically, and the thirteen that followed.

So my brother’s passing didn’t end up being a horrible thing for me – it has become a deep and sacred blessing in my life.

What my soul needed to grow, my life gifted me.


My life hasn’t always been a perfect unravelling of all the things I wanted, happening at the time I deemed as being the right time.

Boys didn’t love me back, some dreams didn’t come true, parts of my family created war against each other, car accidents and grades that weren’t as high as I wanted them to be. I didn’t get the pony I wanted. Prince Charming didn’t come flying in on a white horse, without any personal challenges of his own, and he didn’t save me from myself – I had to do that on my own.

Remember my post The Worst Thing In The World Could Be The Best Thing?

All those things that I could have registered as being bad. All those things I could have seen as being a failure of the Universe to provide to me.

And yet, the big, brave, beautiful truth of it is…

Whatever I am given, it is the right lesson and the right medicine at the right time.

It will make me richer and deeper and lovelier and more understanding than ever before.

It will take me to the place I need to be.

I am given whatever it is I need right now. It is my job to find the medicine and the blessings in what I am given, and have faith that I am being given what I need in a way that is so deep and rich and complex that I can only glimpse at it’s beauty.

I know I am in the right place, because here is where I am.

All of my life – both the things I wanted to happen and the things I didn’t want to happen – has brought me here, home to myself, and in a bigger, deeper place of love and understanding about life and Great Spirit.

How do I know I need to be pregnant? Because I am.

How do I know I need to be not pregnant? Because I am.

How do I know I need to sick? Because I am.

How do I know I need to be in this place? Because I am.

My responsibility is:

I can choose with my highest spirit.

I can ask for what I need.

I can take action on my path.

I can choose how I will feel, think about and respond to those things that happen.

An Aboriginal elder said:

You know, The Secret and the law of attraction is all good and everything.

But we have to allow for life to come in and give us what we truly need.

Sometimes we don’t know what is best for us, and we are taught by life who we need to be.

At our Calm Birthing class on the weekend, our lovely teacher said to us:

How will you feel if you don’t have the birth you are hoping for?

And I sat and I thought about this.

And I realised that what I would like most of all is to bring this idea of Great Spirit Gifting Us With What We Need to birth. So whether we birth in a pool or in a surgery, I remember that profound truth:

There is nothing ever truly wrong. We may want things to be a certain way or another, but that we are given what we truly need.

So I just keep on trusting. And believing. And knowing that whatever happens – to me, my love, my little mermaid, my family… that we will be okay. That we’ll learn whatever we need to learn from each swirl of the journey. That it will take us closer to ourselves, our souls, Great Spirit, love, the highest truth and our home.

However things unfold with this beautiful little soul inside my womb… the thing I most want to remember, feel and know is this:

I am incredibly blessed to love and know this soul, for whatever time we spend together. If that’s a life time or a moment, it is all a blessing.

Big love,