Creative Goddess Fear: Odd One Out

by Leonie Dawson on November 29, 2008

Who feels like the odd one out: me! me! me! me!
{I think we all might be in this together…}

This week, we’ve been shining soul lights on what fears might be holding us back from experiencing our Creative Goddess selves. We’ve shined lights on What if others think my creativity sucks? and But I’m not an artist – I can’t even draw a stick figure! I’ve also answered some questions about the practical side to the Creative Goddess e-Course & Circle. Today, we’ll be focussing on that old goodie: Fear of being the Odd One Out in a group. Those words: I don’t know if I’m good enough, if I’ll fit in or if I’ll belong.

First, we’ll do a little soul-journey check-in…

Please feel free to join in the comments on your blessings, lessons and challenges.

This week for me has kind of revolved around the lessons emerging from my graceful face-plant into Mama Earth. Here’s the part where I share I’ve been feeling dizzy and exhausted all week long. After getting dizzy from the strenuous act of drawing yesterday, I decided that I’d crossed that point from fairly-humorous-experience-about-being-soulfully-ungrounded to: I need some help here. Something isn’t right in my body. It can take us a lot to make a stand sometimes, admit we are vulnerable and need some help. So today my love took me to my Happy Bearded Doctor. Everything body-wise should work out to be fine, so right now, heroic self-gentleness is my medication.

Just those words: heroic self-gentleness brings tears to my eyes. As though it is is something I have been craving without realising. Heroic self-gentleness means asserting my boundaries, saying No when Yes isn’t the right answer and spending a couple of hours this afternoon consuming a trashy Indian romance novel. Heroic self-gentleness means that this weekend – the busy art-making weekend of my year – I am learning the Way of the Turtle. Gentle, purposeful movements. Self-comforting discipline. Doing in a way that isn’t harassed, contrived or pushing – doing in a way that is more of a flow, a being, a graceful walk instead of a frenetic sprint.

And *huh* – wouldn’t you know. What needs to be done, is done. So, I’m sitting here, in the afternoon sunlight, still a Dizzy Lizzy, but more peaceful. More turtle-ish. More the way that things are supposed to be.

Yay! What about you? {passing the Talking Stick along}

Now, about that Odd One Out-ship!

I know of this ship that you speak of. I’ve been there. I’m an introvert at heart, and spent most of my childhood in the comforting friendship of my dog, horse, books, family and farm. During most of my primary schooling years, if you wanted to find me at playtime – I was in the library. Yup. I’ll meet you there, between the shelves of sacred books.

I never really felt like I belonged in a circle of friendships. I tried and tried – but it felt awkward. And sometimes sad. And sometimes it hurt, when those friendships became un-sacred. With all my oddities, funny shaped bits, wild laugh & Leonie-ness, I felt like a barnacle among smooth oysters. I didn’t felt like I belonged there – instead I belonged to the land, to my inner-world, and to my animals. And what a beautiful, beautiful thing to belong too!

I’m so blessed to have experienced those years, and am so glad for them – for every part of them. I learned that I wasn’t willing to relinquish being a Leonie to fit in. I learned that unconditional love was possible. And my inner world became rich and textured with stories and beliefs. And years later – I learned to forgive myself & others for friendships that didn’t work out. Every step was moving me closer to who I was supposed to be.

Finding my spirit’s homeland… and the place where I fit in…

When I was 21, I met a woman in her 40s who shined a beautiful light & joy for all to see. It was like meeting soul-kin. She asked me to come along to a women’s circle she was a part of. I had no idea what she was talking about, and resisted the change for months. Then, a week before my 22nd birthday, I relented. I said Yes. Something about the idea of women gathering intrigued me deeply, and I didn’t want to let the opportunity go.

I arrived that night at a home in the middle of suburbia. It was already dark, and the night seemed so quiet – so normal – and yet ethereal strands of magic and possibility weaved themselves around the moments. Deb showed me in, in to a room where women of all ages sat on couches and cushions in a circle. Sweet incense hung in the air, and reminded me of all the temples I’d visited in Malaysia a few years before. And when I looked at the faces of the women circling around me – they felt familiar. And kind. And sisterly. And deeply, deeply beautiful. That night we talked, and shared from our hearts what it was to live an authentic, loved, spirited life. What challenges we faced, what lessons we had learned. Women open and bloomed in the light of a women’s circle. And I learned what it was to not just become a friend, but become a women sister. The bond formed in circle is deeper, more loving and more honouring than anywhere else I have found.

That night I felt like all my tightly locked doors became unhinged and softly swung open. I felt like the mists had parted and shown me the next few steps to take in the journey. I felt like I had found the self I had been looking for all along – myself. And I knew that I would be in women’s circles for the rest of my life.

I’m so passionate about the power, joy and honouring found in women’s circles. Over and over again, circling has changed my life. I can talk over and over about the empowerment, sisterhood, enrichment and belonging that circles have given me… but the best way I can ever share the gift of it with anyone is to allow them to experience it. That’s why I took the Creative Goddess workshop and made it an online e-course & circle… because I so deeply want anyone who has ever wanted to feel what it’s like to be in a women’s circle to have the opportunity too.

When women circle, miracles happen.

You belong.

So if you are wondering if you will fit in with the Creative Goddess circle…
If you are a woman, you belong.
If you are a precious soul, you belong.
If you’ve never painted, or always painted, you belong.
If you are touchy-feely, or aren’t, you belong.
If you hope, or have forgotten how to, you belong.
If you don’t have much time for you, or you do, you belong.
If you’ve always wanted to belong, you belong.

That’s the beauty of women’s circles. That’s the beauty of sharing our stories, and joining with each other. We find ourselves in each other. We find a place to come home to ourselves, and be loved all over again.

And finally – we belong. To ourselves. To each other. To this big beautiful world. And to Love.

Two days left

I don’t want to sound like a repetitive clock here… but I don’t want you to miss out if you’ve been thinking of and wanting to join up. If you’re not wanting to join, that’s totally cool beautiful soul! ~ I just don’t want Creative Goddess Course-wannabes to forget the Christmas Goodies Date because they are wild busy this time of year.

So – if you are wanting to join the Creative Goddess e-course and circle, sign-ups before Monday, December 1 get an extra goodie in the mail for Christmas. You can still sign up after this date right up until January 15, but you won’t get the extra goodie – you’ll get the goodness & miracle that is creativity and circling just like everyone else :)

For now…

I want to give you
the blessing and love of the Turtle Way,
unconditional acceptance of the beauty inside you,
and the knowing that you are a gift to everyone around you.

Big Love,

{ 0 comments… add one now }

Leave a Comment