You are now five months old in my womb.
Our celebration has been big and wide and fabulous and deep.
You turned five moons, I celebrated my twenty-seventh birthing day, and my beautiful mama and papa flew across the country… and your Aunty Mary flew down the day after for a Blessingway Ceremony for us.
For some reason, it feels deep and profoundly right to be pregnant with you on my twenty-seventh birthday. This birthday has always symbolised for me the Great Transition from youth into adult, and here I am, making the journey from Maiden to Mother with you.
And so it came to be, on my birthing day, I sat in the waiting room surrounded by the ones I love the most: mama, papa and Christian. Rocking back and forth with my full bladder, waiting, breathing, waiting, rocking.
And then a sweet, earthy, brown-haired fairie took us all into the ultrasound room, and it was so hot she left all the doors wide open, and I thought how perfect that was – that this whole journey has left me wide open to the world in a lovely, honest, open way. Your daddy sat at my feet and held them, and your grandma and grandad sat just across from us.
And the fairie splashed warm liquid all over my belly, and then… there you were.
We saw you for the first time.
And your little heart beat so strong that we all smiled the same smile, and your grandmama cried.
And so it was… checking every part of you. My darling, we would have loved, accepted and welcomed you with open arms no matter how you were created or how your body chose to be.
And your body chooses to be wonderously powerful, and strong. You move and dance like the strongest, wiggliest merchild in the world. And like all Allan babies, you are an overachiever in the baby-size stakes… in the top 98% for your age group. This is how we roll, darling. We are Danish Amazons.
And it was bliss to see you, and study you, and watch what is to come with you.
I saw the size of your feet… the seeds that will grow like your mama’s size elevens (we like to have a good grip on the earth).
I saw your sweet, chubby cheeks already, and knew they were your daddy’s.
I saw the way you rubbed your nose the way your daddy does.
I know you will be a blend of not just the two of us, and our ancestry… but your own unique blend of soul and body constellations.
You were born to be you, darling.
And the whole way through the ultrasound, you wriggled and giggled and danced so much we couldn’t see if you were a god or a goddess.
And at the last final moment, I took deep breaths, and calmed my heartbeat, and said to you softly:
Darling, if this is the right time for all of us, we would love to know what you are… if it needs to be a mystery right now, I understand.
For all this time, I thought you were a god. My belly stuck out like a boy, I had dreams of a boy child and your energy was so strong I thought you were a boy.
Your dadda, from the moment you appeared as two lines on that pregnancy stick, had grinned tearfully that you were a girl.
And here we were…
And you stilled softly down, and our fairie zoomed, and she said…
“Well, if it is a boy, you’ll see a scrotum… and if it is a girl, you will see three dots.”
And there you were. Three dots, as bright as sky, triple goddess and holy trinity.
And in that moment, it all felt incredibly clear and right and true and whole.
There you were, my darling daughter… the one I have known since I was 16.
Here you are, my sweet child.
And your daddy gripped my feet even tighter, then jumped out of his seat and threw in his arm in the air as a victory.
Yessssss! I knew it! I knew she was.
As you will come to know, your dadda’s intuition is always as clear as sun.
For the rest of the day, and the next day, your dadda’s face was lit with the biggest, glowing smile.
In the mornings, he greets us with:
Good morning sweetie. (he rubs my belly) Good morning daughter.
The next morning, your Aunty Mary arrived, and that night, we took you to your first women’s circle… a sacred blessingway ceremony.
And out in the wind, surrounded by the glow of candles, and the faces of my women sisters,
we felt the presence of ancestors, and of all the women who have gone before us,
and a soft little whisper was heard…
Welcome, little goddess…
welcome to this beautiful world…
you are so loved already…
Happy five moons of womb time, my daughter.
You have changed me more than any soul I have ever met, and for every part of this wild, precious journey, I am humbled and grateful.
Thank you for choosing me.