Hola gorgeous Goddesses,
I hope you are all having a splendiforous weekend. I’m thinking of you all, as I sit here a-tap-tap-tapping on my laptop, Charlie pup curled up beneath my elbow on a lazy Saturday night, my sweetie beside me, Angel already curled up in bed (she’s an early piker, that one. Just like her mama.)
I’m a-tapping away to you on a mission… to ask for your help and advice on behalf of another goddess.
A dear Goddess recently wrote to me.
Her partner and her have recently broken up.
She wanted to ask if I had any thoughts on how to cope with this massive life-changing as a Goddess.
She’s in all sorts of pain, grief, sadness and change. She’s had to move back home to her country, and is finding the whole experience heart-breaking.
My first thought: Holy dinger. That’s just so very, very hard. That’s big ol major life transformation and heart-hugeness all in one. A huge soul journey to be on. My heart goes out to her, the darling. And also: I really, really believe in her.
And my second thought: you know what?
There’s a whole tribe of beautiful, wise goddesses out there who have a whole richness of experience and wisdom and perspectives and advice that could help this Goddess. Help her to heal her heart and feel loved, safe and true again.
So, let’s pretend we’re all sitting in a women’s circle.
And one of your circle sisters asks this.
What would you say to her? Do you have a story to share, advice on healing, guidance, or just love to share? Maybe you’ve gone through a hard break-up before. Maybe you’ve supported someone going through one. Maybe you want to share your support and intuitive words as a Goddess sister. Whatever you feel called to share is just so perfect.
How, as a Goddess, can we survive, thrive and shine through break-ups?
I’d be so honoured to hear your words. And I’m sure our Goddess sister will be so deeply touched too.
Share your words in the Comments Circle… let’s create a tapestry of wisdom.
I’m so grateful to you. And in awe of the power and connection of us as women (and Goddesses).
Ginormous angel hugs and love,
____
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Sit with it.
Own it.
Don’t try to “change”/”heal”/”Move on” until YOU are ready to do so.
Listen to YOUR soul, not the advice of others.
Namaste.
Hi Goddess,
Break-ups are not easy, but they’re a part of this beautiful gift called “our lives”. I’m sure you’ll find and honor a process to help you deal with your situation.
I was very fortunate to be surrounded by wonderful, loving friends! I began to remember things *I* liked to do and began to view my life in a whole new way!
After a time, I saw the break-up as a gift from Spirit. It was time for both of us to move on…and even sent (& still send) blessings to my ex.
Don’t rush, take your time & honor your process. And, don’t forget, you ARE a Goddess!
I sincerely hope this helps –
Many Blessings,
Sabrina )O(
(((leonie))) what a beautiful post. What a wise way to support this wonderful person as she heals.
I have been through two soul wrenching, lose 20 pounds, stop sleeping, stop eating, hurt to breathe breakups.
things that helped immensley:
1. laughter. comedy central, youtube, DVD’s and CD’s of funny movies and comedians.
2. tears. not trying to hold the emotions in. Not judging those emotions. Letting them flow and not get stuck
3. an emotional support system of family and friends. I found the sark board after a breakup and it was immensley helpful
4. journaling. Getting everything out on paper
and of course, time. 6 months from now will look completely different than right now. Healing isn’t just possible, it is guaranteed.
Dear all,
I’ve been lurking here for a few weeks (*waves shyly at Leonie*), and haven’t commented before, but this post really struck me. I had a horrid break-up just over a year ago and it’s taking me a long time to deal with it. These big life events can change who we are, sometimes on quite fundamental levels, and it’s taken me a while to get to grips with that.
So, to the beautiful woman who asked the question, I send all my love and support – when we go through experiences like this, the sisterhood of other women who’ve experienced similar things is really crucial. What helped me might not necessarily help you, so the only thing I will say is to give yourself whatever you feel you need. Allow yourself the space and self-care to have bad days and good days without telling yourself that you *should* be over this *now* – and don’t be afraid to express your feelings in whatever way seems most helpful – talking to people, to yourself, or to whatever god or spirit you believe in.
I just have such huge empathy for anyone in this situation, so I’m wishing you (and anyone else going through it) all the best at a horrid time.
Passing the stick along now…
On a practical note, alongisde family and friends, try seeking out the support of someone not emotionally involved like a local women’s refuge, or other women’s help charity. They will be able to offer practical, sensible advice on things such as finances, and they will definitely be a godsend on those days where you need help but you don’t want to face the emotional side. While the emotional support is wonderful, in my experience, it was nice to have someone there who I knew wouldn’t just automatically take my side when I knew I was just acting out and I think it actually helped me face the reality a little quicker. It certainly helped me in knowing how to approach lawyers, landlords, banks and all manner of other people you will have to deal with in the next few weeks.
Here are my tips:
1) Hang out with your friends. And lean on your male friends too. I have found the male energy in a friendship way can be soothing in a time like this.
2) Take up some of the dreams you may have left behind being a couple.
3) Schedule time to cry and whoop it up, so you can get your feelings out of you.
4) Stay away from romantic movies for a while. Watch some thrillers and action movies.
5) Take time to love yourself by with treats, affirmations and time to just be.
I send much love to Leonie’s friend.
*hugs*
Breaking up and moving in one big lump is HARD. Be nice to yourself. Here are my two favourite bits of advice, that have gotten me through many hard things:
- You only have to cope. Nobody needs you to cope WELL.
So do lots of silly immature things, and cry, and eat the whole tub of icecream if that’s what you want. You will feel sick afterwards, but then you can get up and move on.
- Things will work out. Probably not the way you think. Probably not the way you want right now. But time will pass, things will change and new doors will open to bigger and better happinesses than you ever dreamed.
Break ups are exercises in learning to trust. Trust that Spirit, who always knows the bigger picture and the complete rightness of things for us, only allows us to be with what isn’t right for us for a little while.
You may think I am talking about only being with the sadness for a little while, but I am actually referencing the relationship. We only get to hold onto what is not ours for a brief time…
For me, during the hurt, if I took time to wonder about how much more I knew about myself and learned from the experience, I found that it didn’t seem so bloody useless and hopeless.
And, I remembered to collapse my days sometimes into minutes…when I found myself becoming consumed with negative, highly charged emotions. When I stayed in the moment, I found I was able to move a bit easier.
Know that you are loved, even when you can’t feel it and question it. You are loved.
Thank you all for your wisdom. I’m not the Goddess that Leonie was talking about, but right now my relationship is coming apart, and I have no idea what’s supposed to happen, or what will happen. Last night I even turned to him and talked about how I wish that someone could just tell me what to expect. Of course it’s up to both of us, but I feel like if things are going to work out, then I can ignore the angst and be sure that things will work out. And if we are going to break up, then I can start processing that, start disconnecting my heart, so that when it happens I won’t have so much grieving to do. Of course that’s probably pretty bogus. I’ve never had a big break-up.
Dearest Goddesses,
I so adore all your words, sharings and luminous spirits. Wisdom and love abound.
And to the precious goddesses out there who are going through break-ups… my own offerings to the circle…
My car pool buddy Paris said to us once:
“You know, when people say breakdowns? I think what they really mean is breakthroughs. At least, they always have been in my experience.”
And that’s always stayed with me. And I think the same about break-ups. They are really breakthroughs.
I have this unwavering faith… for me… and for all of us…
that everything is really, really going to be okay. In fact, it’s going to be amazing, and beautiful, and more powerful and sacred than we ever thought possible. So even when it looks utterly shithouse right now… it’s the pathway to incredible things. From poo, a lotus flower will bloom, blossom and shine.
And also…
that you are so loved.
so wonderful.
so amazing you might not even be able to possibly glimpse it right now.
but you are. and it is.
and that everything’s going to be okay.
for every time my heart has broken, it got open, and even lovelier.
big, big love,
leonie
before i make my advice, I just want to share my story. My partner and I broke up last Jan and I have been sitting in the moving on stage for almost 8 months. I was really upset because he was my first and I thought that he would be my last.
Yes breaking up is really one hell of an experience. But getting through with it will be a fullfuling one. Forgive the one who broke your heart as this is what God commands us to do. Forgive is the start of healing. Just be strong and remember that God’s love is the best love of all. You experience this because He wants you to learn something. =)
Stop wondering what if’s start knowing what is.
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.
Hope this helps.
We can get through this. =)
Much love,
Jas