I’m back in action with my regular scrapbook of sorts – taking a look back at the past couple of weeks.
I need to warn you:
it is NOT that exciting. It’s been almost four weeks of non stop sickness in my house. I had a cold, then I got better, my kids stayed sick, then I got a throat infection.
We’ve all succumbed to a cold.
Cue Scooby Doo marathon on couch, children all over me.
I don’t mind some compulsory convalescence honestly… enforced rest a`nd geNtleness (beff i2s n1ow hELping me tyoe
A look-back at a year ago today – MOVING DAY! Canberra was the place me and Mr Dawsy had moved to when we were young and free, and I spent most of my 20s there having ridiculous fun & magical adventures. After having our first baby six years ago, we set off to find utopia – the place we wanted to raise children and bloom.
We didn’t know it at the time but that would mean moving five times – Proserpine, Cairns, Kuranda, Hobart… Before deciding we just wanted to head “home” to Canberra. I’m so grateful for all the adventures we had and people we met and memories we made along the way… We got to travel and experience so much!!! We bought our new home in Canberra sight unseen off the internet… So it was only a year ago as well since we saw it for the first time and fell even more in love. It’s a beautiful home with magical gardens and I’m pen pals with the old owner (who, amazingly enough, is also an author) and there hasn’t been a morning that I haven’t woken up and been so grateful to look out that the silk tree and cherry blossom tree. It’s got such good juju I barely had to do any energy clearing at all here! Anyways, it’s been a ginormous year filled with some gorgeous bits and some hard bits…
Especially losing our darling Charlie doggy after 12 years together. We found him in Canberra, and we brought him home to die here in his soul land. The best part about being in Canberra is that during the hard bits, I have my old, dear friends just around a corner or two. And it’s been a deep and dear blessing to rejoin my old women’s circle… Where once we were all maidens but now we are all mothers.
I’m grateful. And always grateful to do it with Dawsy and our two fairies. Our biggest priority is always our family and working out ways to help everyone thrive. I’m proud of what we’ve done to make that happen.
And grateful to be here in Canberra, the meeting place, the land of friendly rock spirits and galleries and museums and wide blue skies…
So, when we moved into that house we’d bought off the internet and walked in for the first time, we discovered two things:
1.) We love it! It’s got such good juju!
2.) It came with… FREE PETS! There were goldfish in the fountain in the backyard, along with some very sweet wild birds who were loved up by the previous owners and who will come tap on the window when you’ve forgotten to fill the bird feeder. We love places with FREE PETS… when we lived on the rainforest acreage, it had free pets coming out its earholes with pademelons, kookaburras, kingfishers and giant goannas. It was rad.
Anywaysies, the tree that the goldfish were under needs some cutting back as its limbs are falling, but my husband, the sweet animal lover that he is, was so worried about them being injured by the arborist that we spent $300 on a fish tank so we could move them safely inside. HA! All up we found three goldfish, who now seem ridiculously happy in their new digs. They’ve been named Penelope, Apple and Goldie. I didn’t think I’d be so delighted but golly gosh they are bringing us so much joy. They are a really sweet addition to the family since our sweet Charlie doggy died a few months ago.
How’s this for weird though – one of the daughters who grew up in this house dropped by to pick up a package and she was soooo lovely – but when we mentioned the three goldfish, her face blanked and she said “THREE??? But we only had ONE in there!!!” Goldfish immaculate conception!!!!!!!! Do we now live with Fishy Jesus?????????????????
Watched this last night… Gosh it was refreshing… It’s about the young female CEO of an online business!!!! I totally related to pieces of this story – not all of it of course, my hunky lover is an intensely-Scorpio-mates-for-life type of bloke – but there was parts in there that made us look at each other wide-eyed and for him to say “This is like a documentary!!!!”
Guys this will SHOCK AND SURPRISE YOU. Be prepared! Here it is: I don’t like sport. I don’t watch sport. Ever. Not live, not on TV. And I was totally ignorant about the Olympics even starting until I saw the Olympics Opening Ceremony highlights reel on the news. And immediately burst into tears, and sobbed the whole way through. The refugee team was the clincher… I was basically inconsolable. The whole thing just got me straight in my wide open mama heart. The history and the people and the world coming together and the cauldron lighting. I’m getting just teary thinking about it. Every four years I forget I don’t like sport and just watch people coming together from all over the world to do their best and see what these magical bodies of ours can do. Some thing about the human spirit and community and all of that. Cue waterworks. Okay… Luckily I have vast supplies of tissues.
I always thought I’d be the one who was the parent who the kids would tell all their secrets to. But it’s Chris who is Starry’s confidante. He has this gentle, subtle way, and he’s intuitive and worries like a protective Papa Bear. And it’s been such a blessing to see their relationship bloom and deepen like this…
For the first three years Starry was a Mama’s girl who needed so much from me to feel safe and okay in the world. Her bond with her Papa got deeper once she was out of toddlerhood and also when I spent nine months struggling in bed with #hyperemesisgravidarum … There aren’t many good things I can find about having HG as it is a personal inescapable hell… But Starry and her Daddy having to bond even more is one of them. (The other two blessings are that it taught me much deeper compassion and empathy… And of course, we made it out the other side of that hell with a miraculous 8 pound baby in my arms… Who has now blossomed into a mischievous elf of a two year old who makes me laugh and laugh and laugh at how powerful and self contained and brilliantly, awarely funny she is. And I can’t imagine life without her and yet also know that in some Sliding Door world, we didn’t have her and I have to belief we would have been okay then too.)
Okay, can’t even remember what I was talking about. Kids are screaming and have snot. Love, a mother.
Sunday nights: filling out & decorating planners for the week ahead for me & el husbo. Makes me feel a bit more in control… Plus a fun creative act too!!
Mr Dawson’s boss gets a bit gropey sometimes.
The children infiltrated my office and destroyed it faster than the speed of light, than a speeding bullet, than a Tassie Devil. Neat and tidy is an impossible mirage.
I don’t talk enough about this one, my equal in so very many ways. Well, that’s not true. I make almost continual reference to his hotness and how much I like to sexually harass him in the workplace. But I don’t know if I always talk about him truly.
Today I need to.
Stuff has been intense lately. Full on. A lot going on I can’t talk about yet (or potentially ever), a lot that just needs fixing and other people’s messes cleaned up. The changes are flying thick and fast. Fuck me… August… hold on, right? Fuck me, 2016!
And despite what is happening, I look over at this one. This one who has been by my side for the last 15 years, through hell and rainfire and serious illness and hospital stays and parenting and birth and depression and so much hard shit.
And he looks at me with those wise ocean eyes and says: “We’ve been through harder than this. This is nothing.”
And he tells me to go to bed and meditate for just 15 minutes and let my worries drop away one by one until I can see clearly again.
And he takes photos of my studio while I am out… all the magic little pieces I love… and sends them to me in a folder and tells me it is to inspire me and remember how much I love to create.
And he tells me all the things I need to know. He coaches me and reminds me. He tells me to concentrate on the art and writing, on the things that I was born for, that that is all that is needed.
My love is sage and quiet and soft-spoken. Not many get blessed to get close enough and be still enough to listen to him. I thank my lucky stars I do.
He’s my teacher, student, lover, co-parent and best friend. And the dude I get to bonk on the regs.
This photo is us, 10 years ago, sitting in front of Uluru, the sacred heart of Australia.
Today I’m feeling quite overwhelmed with the love and grace he gives me.
P.S. Disclaimer because I think the illusion of perfection is bullshit: Of course, he is not perfect. I am not perfect. None of us are. No relationships are easy. I struggled with that for a long time. I thought it was just like… ADD WATER AND INSTANT SOULMATE EXPERIENCE. But it’s not. It’s an utterly human experience with mere glimpses of utter grace and divinity and unconditional love. And this too is okay.
Life in a sunbeam.
Ok how is this for weird and amazing…
I often joke that the universe tries to help me identify who I need in my life by making it super clear with patterns. So it used to be that I would have friends that looked the same.
Now, it’s started doing it with names as I hire… Including the multiple Ambers and multiple Mels…
This week, I’ve been hiring more graphic designer resources and have ended up with Elissa, Ellissa and Lisa.
Then today I was in a mad rush for to find a set designer for a videoshoot I’ve got on tomorrow. First I talked to another designer called Lisa, but she wasn’t available, so I called another friend called Lisa because she knows everyone, and she introduced me to Allyssa who is helping out tomorrow now!!!
So to recap this week it’s been all about designers and set designers called Elissa, Lisa and Alyssa.
SIX of them! Synchronistic at its best!!!
9 hour videoshoot ahead.
Getting all flashed up for video shoot. She had to brush my hair because I forgot to today. And yesterday. And all week really.
AFTER SHOT. SHE DID GOOOOT.
On set with the brilliant and lovely team from Screencraft for a videoshoot. They are laughing at all my jokes, and don’t mind that they have to edit me saying “cockhole” so much. So that’s a good sign. Also at the back is our set designer – the amazing Alyssa Johnson who did the set design for Sammy J’s Playground Politics show!!! What a fucking score. This whole thing feels very “next level” and I’m excited to share it all with you when it’s done!
Wottttttt? Who DOESN’T climb trees to make adorable business videos?
So the video shoot got a little… Wild…
That’s a wrap! Nine hour photoshoot down. Thank you to the beautiful boys at Screencraft for an amazing job and fun times!!!
Handy hint guys… If you hypothetically throw holi powder all over yourself for a creative videoshoot… And you have blonde hair… You may or may not be able to wash it out… And you may or may not score yourself free magenta hair… BONZA! SCORE!!!! ????????
Change is in the air…
Spent the morning rearranging our house and moving rooms around. We decided to swap our guest bed with Starry’s so we can have a bigger space to cuddle on & read books together. Our guest room has turned into Chris’ office (instead of just having a corner of the lounge) but he sweetly set up an extra desk in there so it could be “Dad and Starry’s office.”
Starry has declared this “the best day everrrrrrrr!”
Two sick kids. What’s stopped poor little feverish Beth from feeling too restless is watching soccer on tv from the comfort of their couch/bed. Whatever works… Whatever works.
Oh honeys, a momentous day for our sweet lil family…
Starry lost her very first tooth!
Our wide eyed baby is growing up. I had a cry, and then we looked through photo albums from when Starry was a baby… The first tooth she grew is the first one she lost.
I feel so grateful for all the adventures and love and art and sweetness we’ve shared over the last six years. It hasn’t always been easy but we’ve stayed true to our values of the family we wanted to create… And I’m so proud of us for making it happen.
A beautiful day initiation for Ostara.
We are so proud of you sweet fairy girl, and so delighted by everything you are.
It’s a Tuesday. I’m sitting in Chris’ new office in our home. For so long he’s been sequestered in a corner of the living room, trying to do creative production work for me whilst crammed between a wall and a door and tumbling children’s bodies… all while we had a guest bedroom that lay still and quiet for 11.5 months of the year.
We decided in a fit of inspiration over the weekend that we had our values all wrong… that it is better for us to feel comfortable in our home than visiting guests… and so we moved the guest bed into Starry’s room so we can all jump on there to read books together… and made Starry’s old bed into a daybed in our living room with cushions galore… we’ll still be able to have guests (yay!) and they’ll still be comfortable (yay!) but in the meantime (all the time)… Chris has his own space. A room of one’s own… He needs it. We all do.
In many ways, Chris becomes a bit like the traditional wife in these situations… he holds the fort with the kids while I’m working on the business. He does his work around naps. He gives me the space I need to do what I love. He gave up his career as a Customs officer to support me and my dreams. I couldn’t be more grateful.
And dear lord, get the man a room already!
His room is now a gentle space filled with his guitar collection (12 and counting) and wooden desks and computers and books. And of course, being the loving, thoughtful, proud Papa Bear he is… he set up a desk up for Starry too and told her it is “Starry and Daddy’s office.”
But at least he has space now. Space for all of him, and all of his loves. No more trying to cram in around the wild shenanigans of family life and hoping none of his precious instruments got broken in the toddler maelstrom.
So this is where we are. More space. Moving things around to fit more of “us”… accepting the space that it takes without shame or concern. It’s a small thing, but it’s a big thing.
I’m visiting him this morning. A little co-working space. He is working on scanning in a mammoth illustrated journal I painted in India, to give out to all our Academy goddesses. I’m writing proposals and dreaming of a new way of moving forward into the next incarnation of myself and my dream and my business.
I’m set up on Starry’s desk, he’s on his.
The children are meandering in and out. Both of them are sick… the last vestiges of winter colds rolling through them.
And despite there being some wild waves and disappointments and heavy hearts around here lately… at its core, life is good. We are here. We are creating.
I hope you are well, dearests. I hope, at its core, life is good for you too.
I’m dreaming of
and praying for
a salve for my heart
let me be strong
but not bitter.
I don’t want to get jaded.
Reviewing the final proofs for the 2017 diary-planner before the print presses roll!!! Self publishing is a wild, crazy ride from beginning to end… We started work on these in March and they won’t be released until November!!!
I’m delighted with the new covers and tabs and paper and elastic band and sticker pages and and and in this new one… I think y’all will adore it!!!
Outside my bedroom
the peach blossoms
are raucous incandescent joy.
Go to bed and rest
my love tells me.
It’s as though somehow
that the remedy
for a tired heart
is this view.
This parcel made my week. It’s been a hard week… But this was like a gift from the Angels. A package and letter from one of our Academy members sharing how her business and spirit have blossomed since using the workbooks and Academy, and the beautiful products she has created.
I cried over her letter… What a beautiful, strong woman who has been through so much and has continued to create goodness in her life. I love you Jane, and am honoured to know you. Your lip balms are now my favourite ever… Even Mr DAWSON is enamoured. Everybody check out Hilltops Honey – absolutely exquisite!
I am on my third bout of sickness in a month. My kid has been off school sick for three weeks. Last night I was so feverish I vommed all over the kitchen floor.
Public service announcement: being an Internet millionaire doesn’t stop ya from experiencing real life. Excuse me while I go sweat and shiver in bed.
Alrighty – that’s a look back at the past couple of weeks. Back to bed I go!
Big, tender love,
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