When I wrote my last post about trolls, I didn’t expect it would hit such a chord.
I especially didn’t realise how many other women had similar experiences.
I’m sorry, so truly, truly sorry if you have faced this challenge.
It’s heart-wrenching and painful. A hard, hard spiritual lesson to learn. One I feel so under-equipped for some days.
I want you to know: you are not alone. You don’t have to face this by yourself.
And let’s keep talking about it. Keep bringing it out into the light. Keep supporting each other, and sharing our stories.
This is how we become strong. Through our truth and our stories.
In the spirit of this, I am taking some time to respond to some letters I get from people who may misunderstand who I am or what I do – aka trollz/haterz/lost peepz/critics. I understand that not everyone who has a difference of opinion from me is a troll. The letters I’ve included in this post range along that continuum from questioner to critic to outright trolling.
And I’ve totally gone back + forward on whether I should respond to it or not.
Do I pay attention? Do I ignore? Do I feed ’em? Do I respond?
I had so many fears that if I did this, I would invoke even more shitty comments.
But the thing is, I’m not really good at fear. It doesn’t feel like a good enough reason.
I’d rather go in the other direction. Of love. Of truth. Of hoping to share my story.
Whether the hate forums rage, and whether my staff need to spend an extra few minutes banning + reporting abuse on Facebook. Whether it changes how you feel about me or not.
I’d rather just write. And write. And write.
And speak what I know.
So away we go…
My first (and only) Letters From Trolls, Answered.
And a lil prayer: May the Angels of Compassion, Clarity, Love + Peace be with us as we journey through this.
“Someone said they are going to take legal action against you because they were unfairly fired from your program.”
To make it super simple, without divulging specific client details:
1. They haven’t. (Knock on wood! CLONK CLONK!)
2. They weren’t.
3. I have the email evidence of exactly what happened. There are very good reasons.
“Your refund policy is illegal.”
I do want you to know that I have spoken with a lawyer regarding my refund policy + how the Academy works, and the lawyer advised it was indeed legal.
Which is wonderful. Just as I intended.
If you don’t agree with not being able to ask for a refund on the grounds of you changing your mind/deciding it is too much work to actually implement, my Academy is not the right place for you to invest.
I much prefer to keep my prices more affordable than many other info marketers out there AND only work with women who are ready to step up, take responsibility for their actions, make a change + implement the teachings in the Academy.
If that doesn’t feel like the right fit for you, I send you so much love and blessings as you find another teacher who is more aligned with your needs.
“The Academy keeps increasing in prices but doesn’t add any new content…”
I believe you are mistaken. I’d love to share a clearer picture.
Yes, I keep courses in the Academy that I created five years ago including the Creative Goddess ecourse.
I have considered remaking these, however the majority feedback I get from users is that they prefer the original versions, where they can see the evolution of Leonie. Plus, those low fi videos of me in the backyard with my dog are pretty adorable I reckon. VINTAGE LEONIE!
I mean, the whole point of the Academy is that you get access to my complete life’s work. My library of creations. Older and newer.
So yes, there are older programs.
But I keep creating + releasing new content in the Academy.
Some of those include:
- Double Your Biz (approx 40 000 words + video + audio)
- 10 Steps To Building A Million Dollar Company (keynote speech recorded live)
- Money + Manifesting workshop
- Super Simple Money Planner
- Coaching calls
And loads more in the works too, including a new “How To Build Your Own WordPress Website” out soon.
So yus, I continue pouring content into the Academy. It’s my favourite thing to do.
If this doesn’t resonate with you, please do find a teacher or training program that does. That’s the most important thing.
Hope this helps.
“I just want you to be who you used to be…”
I get that.
And it’s also very hard for me to be that. It’s actually impossible.
As Hiro Boga says:
You can’t ask a 7 year old to be a 5 year old. Because they are 7. They can’t go back in time. They can’t revert their growing. It’s impossible.
You may have found me when I was 21. You may have found me before I became a mother. You may have found me before I cut all my hair off (then grew it back again). You may have found me when I still called myself “Goddess Leonie.” You may have found me before I started talking about business. You may have found me before I had hyperemesis gravidarum.
Each of these things, each of these days, each of these years has changed me.
And I am deeply grateful for all of them. Oh the lessons they’ve brought! The wonderful things I’ve learned! I am growing more compassionate and understanding with each passing year. I can’t wait to see who I am when I am 60!
I adore change. I adore growing. I don’t want to stay the exact same person. I want to be Leonie, yes. But I LOVE that I get to explore new parts of myself.
My soul longs to transform and morph.
I’m incapable of being who I once was.
I’m so very excited at who I am becoming next.
I understand that you loved me then. I thank you so very much for that love. I wonder what part of me then made a part in you light up then? What was the essence I gave you then? Can you give it more to yourself? Or can you find someone else you does?
I love you and want to see you happy.
I’m sorry I can’t become 27 again for you. But I do want you to know it is perfectly good and wonderful for me to be 32 now.
So much love,
“You ugly moley mole you are so ugly I dont know how your fat slob of a husband could even fuck you.”
Gosh, there is so much sadness + pain leaking out of this comment, I don’t even know where to start.
I need to be honest here: it wasn’t enjoyable to read. It made my hands shake and my eyes leak. It made me feel sad. It also made me feel deeply protective of my husband who is a very private, lovely, gentle man who accidentally fell in love with someone who later became a public figure. I was going to make a hillllarimo joke that your phone must have had an unfortunate autocorrect that changed “hot hunk” into “fat slob”.
It also made me think.
Firstly, and perhaps most importantly:
I am so very sorry that anyone has ever said those words to you, or anything similarly painful, over the journey of your life. Gosh, that would have been really painful. I wish that didn’t happen to you. I want you to know: it’s not okay that that happened.
It’s not okay that anyone said awful words to you. And I want you to know that they aren’t true. Something I realised long ago was that the truth lit up my cells. Anything that made my stomach fall and my heart clench wasn’t true.
So, to you, dear friend, I wish you the knowing that you are loved, and that you are beautiful, and you are holy, and you are worthy. I hope you have people that surround you that remind you of this. And if you don’t, I hope you seek them out. Because they are out there. And you deserve kindness, and gentleness.
I think that’s really the whole story right there, all that really needs to be said.
But there is more to be said.
Yes, I have moles. I’m actually quite proud of them. They are as part of me as my heart + bones + cells. My constant companions these last 32 years.
They are my DNA, my heritage. My parents both have them. I am no less proud of them than I am proud of my mermaid hair.
I have 55 moles from my shoulders to my head. I counted them all proudly one day.
FIFTY FIVE! Can you believe that! Amazing!
I have moles that form the shape of the Southern Cross on my left arm. Well, I did until one developed an odd condition a few years ago whereby my immune system ate one of the moles and it disappeared.
I still see it when I look there though.
I also had a small one inside my belly button. I have called him Tiny Tim for decades. I felt like I had a secret superhero living in the cave of my belly. A lifelong best friend.
A few months ago, I had an operation to remove my fallopian tubes. They cut through my belly button in order to do it, and Tiny Tim was injured in the operation, and fell away not long after.
I miss him.
If I wasn’t supposed to be born with moles, I wouldn’t have them.
But I have them.
So that, to me, is proof I am supposed to have them.
I don’t wish to argue with reality.
So I embrace them.
As me. As all of me.
I love me. I adore me. I am my own best friend.
And I don’t get to choose between a Leonie With Moles and a Leonie Without.
Honestly though, I feel more conscious of my moles now when I am on camera.
My hand sometimes lingers up to my face to cover two of my forehead moles.
It’s like they have a consciousness they didn’t have before.
And I think:
Ahhh, this is good. This is good medicine.
How can I love these moles even more now?
How can I love them even when you don’t?
I was looking in the mirror one morning not long after you commented on my Facebook picture.
And I looked at my moles, wondering if I was mistaken. Wondering if indeed they should not be there, that if in some way I was less perfect for having them.
And I heard a sweet voice:
I put them there, so you would know I touched your forehead as you came into the world.
They are the fingerprints of God.
And it made me light up inside.
You asked me how my husband could fuck me.
(Get it? Get it? Ha!!!!)
But seriously, I wonder if the deeper question being asked here is:
Does your husband find you attractive even when you have physical “flaws”?
He does. And I him.
We’re magnetised to each other. I think he is one part stud, one part sage, one part kindred spirit.
And of course we don’t have a perfect relationship. We’ve fought like cats and dogs. Marriage and relationships are the hardest of work. We’ve been in love for 14 years and it has cycled through the usual “WOOO! BEST MARRIAGE EVER! ECSTATIC DREAMINESS FOREVERRRRR!” and “PLEASE SHUT UP AND STOP TALKING I HATE YOUR STUPID FACE.”
Relationship counselling has been our saving grace.
And he smells really good.
And never makes me feel weird.
And never looks at me like I’m anything but beautiful.
(He does however tell me that I need to get dressed out of toothpaste stained pyjamas when we got out, because left to my own devices, I won’t. My level of Give A Fuck-itis is suuuuuuper low.)
All of this to say:
My moles (or indeed any of my physical “flaws” – including having one leg a little longer than the other, one breast more pendulous than the other, my curves, my horrific eyesight, my body’s ability to dislocate bones during breastfeeding or propensity to try and vomit itself to death during pregnancy) has NOT lessened my ability to attract or keep a mate.
I think this world is a bit fucked up sometimes. Just how much it focusses on physical appearance for women when it comes to finding and keeping a loving partner. It’s like we need to be the peacock with the most beautiful feathers! It’s just so fucked up and so very, very untrue.
There’s some dicks out there that would say otherwise. I would encourage you to stay away from them. Just be around good souls. And know there are truly good, real men out there who don’t believe or say stupid shit.
When I got your comment, I didn’t understand it, honestly.
I felt angry and protective over my moles for being spoken about like they were anything but perfect.
I felt angry and protective over my husband for being spoken about like they were anything but a good human being.
And I felt angry and protective over you. That you had words in your head that weren’t kind and loving. Because if you have those words in your head towards me, I wonder if you have them in your head against you too. I hope this is not true. I hope you are gentle and kind and good to yourself, because you truly do deserve that. We all deserve love. Especially from ourselves.
I’m wishing you love and gentleness,
That was pretty big, guys.
I would like to take this opportunity to have a group hug with you all.
I’m deeply sorry if any of this has pressed your buttons.
And I wish for all our angels to be present, softly holding us, reminding us of our worth and exquisiteness.
May they lift us each up in their soft wings so we all may feel loved and divine.
Wherever you are, whoever you are,
from the bottom of my heart,
I truly thank you for you.
Thank you for saying YES to meeting me here in this life.
Thank you for saying YES to these big, beautiful lessons.
Thank you for saying YES.
You are loved, you are loved, you are loved.
Peace be with you. And with you. And with you.
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