When I was a child, I used to pray every night. Feverish prays, hoping that if I could name all the worst things in the world, they wouldn’t happen to.
Dear God, please don’t let anyone in my family die. Please stop the drought. Please don’t let the cattle rustlers steal any more cattle.
Can you tell I grew up on a farm?
I kept thinking if I could stop all those very bad things from happening, then I would be happy. Then everything would be okay.
Guess what?
My brother died. The drought did keep going. And the cattle rustlers keep stealing.
And still, everything was okay. And still, I found happiness.
That thing – the thing you fear the most – or that you feel is the worst thing right now?
It could end up being the very best thing.
It could end up being a ginormous blessing.
It could be a gift.
Right here – in this moment – we don’t have the whole view. We can only guess that this Thing – that Very Terrible Thing – is the worst thing for us. We don’t have all the information, the knowledge and the goodness of being able to look back on it… to see it was right for us, and the best thing.
When my brother died, I thought I would never be happy again. I was wrong. I did find happiness again – a happiness that was more beautiful, richer, deeper and profound than I had known before.
When I broke up with boyfriends, and my heart felt like it was broken on the kerb and I was suffocating with sadness – I could not possibly know then that it was taking me closer to finding my true love.
When my parents were devastated to have to sell my grandmother’s cottage, they didn’t know that it gave us the dream to buy it instead, and the gift of moving back to our homelands when our baby is born. (We’re in the process of settling now!)
When a boy didn’t love me back – I was given the gift of space, and the gift of promise that one day, the right boy would. And he does. And oh, he is so very, very right in a way that first boy could only pale-into-beige mistitched comparison.
When I didn’t win that prize – my life turned out superbly anyway.
When something broke, or was lost, it gave me the gift of the future, and where I needed to be.
When something I wanted desperately to happen didn’t? I realise now I didn’t actually need it the way I thought I did.
I see now that for all the times I fought against the universe, and raged that it hadn’t given me what I wanted – that it was giving me what I truly needed all along.
It has given me medicine, healing, patience, compassion, rich spirit gifts… and it has given me myself as the woman I was born to be, and the life I was meant to lead.
This is a song for you… wherever you are… broken-hearted, lost, or embroiled in That Big Terrible Thing.
I want you to know that everything will be okay – in fact it will be utterly beautiful. And that it’s okay if you don’t believe me. I have enough faith to build a boat for all of us to float in.
What could feel like the Worst Thing In The World right now… could be the biggest miracle you’ve ever known.
I believe in you.
love,
{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
Beautiful wisdom, gorgeously offered. Thank you, dearest Leonie.
Much love to you,
Hiro
oh my gosh….so true my dear.
i’m most definitely sitting with these words right now and letting them soak in…
I needed to hear this right now and let the words just sink into my soul.
Thank you for these words of empowerment Leonie. So much what I needed to read right now.
oh darling Leonie, my heart has just been broken two nights ago when my husband revealed his affair and I have sat here all day staring out the window in my sadness and I had a thought that i could really use some Leonie wisdom right now and a minute or two later when i glanced back at the computer, there were words from you, magical and wise words that I asked the universe for and they appeared, speaking straight to me as I nurse my sadness and grief. You don’t know how wonderful you are in this world darling girl
thank you
thank you leonie.
i needed that right now.
thank you,
<3 fiona
Thank you.
Much love x
Oh i love this so much, it goes perfectly with your video….just such beautiful, beautiful advice leonie!!! love u xxx
Once again, Leonie, you have expressed such deep, beautiful thoughts for all of us to share with you. What you have expressed about our journeys is so true and so easily forgotten as we sit in our pain and sadness and wonder Why me? I have been feeling low lately for many reasons and trying to sort through these dark feelings. Your words remind me that we grow through suffering, and while none of us wants or likes or wants to invite suffering, it is the lead that, with time, alchemically transforms into shining gold, and makes us stronger and wiser. Thank you for your goddess wisdom! And how exciting that you are moving into our grandmother’s cottage in your homeland–it sounds like a full circle and you’re starting a new spiral of the circle with your precious little bean growing inside you. Much love!
I was like you when I was a child. Naming the fears so they wouldn´t happen. I haven´t been able to let go of that yet.
How is it that I just found your yummy site? Thank you so much for offering up this post. Absolutely perfect.
xx,
Nona
Just what I needed to hear, dearest Leonie. Thank you, as always.x
O’ I needed this, thankyou! I’m currently in a crazy, beautiful, bittersweet dance, with my hearts true beloved, waiting, wondering, will the two of us make it thru this, & finally be able to be together.
Sweet Blessings to you. xx
One of my favorite stories is an old Chinese proverb, tale?…I don’t know what exactly it is, but it is basically and old man saying he doesn’t know what’s good and what’s bad. Things kept happening to him and people would say, “Isn’t that great!” or, “I’m so sorry, that’s terrible,” and he would say, “We don’t know what’s good and what’s bad.” For the “good” things would end up leading to something that wasn’t necessarily good, but then the “bad” things would lead to something that was better. It’s best to just live life as it is, not trying to control it, not getting too caught up in what happens.
“This is a song for you… wherever you are… broken-hearted, lost, or embroiled in That Big Terrible Thing.
I want you to know that everything will be okay – in fact it will be utterly beautiful.”
You made me cry.
Thank you Leonie, I needed this reassurance today! hugs, safe and happy birthing blessings for you and hubby and your sweet angel! xo luv Jenn
Thank you for these words, Leonie. Sometimes we all need to be reminded that everything will be ok….somehow.
Shelly
Thank you ^i^
I truly wish I could believe this. But life (capitals if you wish) has taught me otherwise. When bad things happen; the next day, more bad things happen. The end. There’s no wonderful fabulous insight that makes all the crap better or tolerable or bearable even. Things just happen. Then the next thing happens. An prolly 85% chance that the next thing that happens will be along the same miserableness. I wish I could just believe, but its all just … like trying to believe in fairytales after you’ve turned like 6. You just *know* better. Life has just taught you what to expect andwhat to believe in and that there’s a reason its called fantasy to believe in happiness.
Oh Twyla. You sound so sad and angry. I’ve stared Death in the face too many times over the last few years, but I still believe in happiness. (I still believe in fairies too
)
Leonie has just given you the “wonderful, fabulous insight” that you’re missing –
“I see now that for all the times I fought against the universe, and raged that it hadn’t given me what I wanted – that it was giving me what I truly needed all along.
It has given me medicine, healing, patience, compassion, rich spirit gifts… and it has given me myself as the woman I was born to be, and the life I was meant to lead.”
I’ve seen this myself as the fog has cleared from my life – I thought I was lost and my existence was meaningless, until I realised that the path has ALWAYS been at my feet and I have ALWAYS been going in the right direction. This has ALWAYS been the life I was meant to lead, even when I couldn’t see that myself.
Maybe what you have been given is the gift of your cynicism and crustiness
Your ability and your strength to say what the hell you want 
Oh, and your beautiful, beautiful photos. You have a gift there that I cannot begin to emulate….
Hang around Leonie long enough and you’ll start seeing fairies too – hell, you may even become less miserable – maybe 70% of the time instead of 85%
xxx
Molly
Hey leonie,
Lovely post and wonderful thoughts! There’s noone who has only had good experiences. The bad ones happen with everyone and I trule believe that though we have no control over the situations and people in our lives, but we definitely do have control on our own reactions to them! Its in our power to have a positive outlook and learn even from our bad experiences. and yes, I agree that whatever happens, happens for our best – we may/may not realize it at that time.
Xoxo
Cheers to goodness and positivity!
And lovely connecting with you here!
Great post, Leonie! Couldn’t agree more. At the age of 45, just after my beloved mother had died and after a string of unhappy romances, I decided to take piano lessons and fell in love with my piano teacher, Tony – and he fell in love right back! Then in 2009 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The day I was told I had to have a mastectomy, chemo and radiotherapy, Tony asked me to marry him. Last September we had, IMHO, the best wedding ever! As for the cancer, I now look after myself much better than I used to, and am doing fine. I’ve learned not to put off doing things so, at the age of 50, I’ve decided to become a writer and am working on a radio play, and have started my own small business selling vintage jewellery, which I love. I still have a paid job but have cut my hours to 18 a week. We don’t have much money between us, but we think it’s worth it (personally, I find the less I fret about money, the more it comes to me!) From experience, if I could give one piece of advice, it would be to try not to feel like a victim, which can be very difficult when things aren’t going well, but it serves no purpose. Before you go to sleep at night, think of 10 things from your day that you’re grateful for – e.g. food, a roof over your head, running water, a stunning pair of new shoes, a tv programme that made you laugh, etc, etc, etc… Try your best to turn things round and have faith. Love to all, x
AWESOME post, and just what I needed to hear today! Thank you Leonie! xoxox
This just may be my favorite post of yours ever. There are hidden gifts in dark nights of the soul. Changing our Course. Changing our Perspective. Redirecting us. Oddly enough, thanks to Facebook, I have been able to see the “future selves” of the many fellows who broke my heart in college and High School, and wish I could travel back in time to my younger self and say, “Hey, it’s going to be better than alright you know. These fellows wont hold a candle to the gorgeous soul who waits for you just around the corner.”
Thank you for your sweet spirit. XO, T
Thank you thank you thank you…I needed to hear this so very badly.
amen and a lot of women!!! xo
I needed to hear this. My heart have been broken a million times since last year, and I kept believing that if I were strong enough, patient enough, resilient enough it would change and I would be happily ever after.
It’s so wrong and so true, in fact… Thanks God I am paving the path of happiness, but luckily I am alone, without those who thought my heart was their private doormat.
Thanks for your words, Leonie, lots of light to you.
<3
Beautifully said! I totally agree. It’s the rainbow after a storm!
I heard something once about a woman who’s worst fear was to lose her mother (this would be mine too). Then her Mum died and she of course grieved and went through enourmous pain but eventually she picked herself up and went on to be incredibly succesful in her career. She thought well if my worst fear happened and I got through it then there is nothing to worry about! She had no fear and was able to make huge decisions in her career and take risks without the fear!
Love your blog btw! I just discovered you yesterday!
Lyn
Lovely words and so true!!! I have struggled with this on and off for a while, but recently I have and am learning, we are where we are meant to be, and something amazing is around the corner, things will work out.
Thanks for sharing Leonie.
I’m from B School also
Too true! Even the darkness in our lives has something to teach us.
Love this post! Thanks for sharing your wonderful insight!
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