Hola gorgeous Goddesses,
For the last nine years, I’ve been blessed to have been in love with the most amazing, wise and hot man I’ve ever clapped eyes on. Nine years on, we are in bigger & deeper love than ever.
I’m by no means a relationship expert. These are just my notes of what works for me, and our journey of creating spirited love together.
Every goddess’ journey is different, and every love relationship is as different as the colours in the rainbow. Every path and every relationship has its own destiny, its own reason for being and its own medicine and lessons to learn along the way.
The lessons I needed to learn in spirited love? They might not be the same as yours. They may be totally the opposite.
But here’s my mottos & thoughts on how we’ve created our spirited love together.
1. Choose someone who rocks your socks off.
I totally believe it starts with this. With single friends, I listen to see if I can hear that tone in their voice… the little way their voice lilts breathlessly because their little cotton socks have officially been rocked off with. And I don’t mean that in a “wow they are so HOT” kind of way. More of a glistening wonder… like this person may just be the most beautiful soul they’ve ever met.
That’s when I know something big is going on.
All I know is: When I first met Chris, I became sock-less. Just in meeting him. And nine years later, I am still sock-less, because he keeps on rocking them off.
He surprises me with his beauty, wisdom, rarity and his soul.
And I want everyone to know what that feels like… to be sock-less.
So that’s my main advice: Wait for the one who rocks your socks off.
2. Be okay with each other being human.
My love might make me ridiculously sock-less, but he’s human too. Just like I am.
And we have our arguments. We have our buttons, our personalities, our opinions, our fears, our things to heal.
We’re not always our highest selves, but we aim for it.
And we love each other even when we are human, in pain, lost and cranky.
It’s okay to not have perfection.
3. Grow, Grow, Grow
Be dedicated together to change for the better.
Ask yourself and each other to be your highest selves.
Call each other on your stuff – with as much kindness and clarity as you can muster. Sometimes you won’t be that kind.
But both have a belief and a commitment – in yourselves, and each other – that you can change, and grow into the most beautiful, loving and wise parts of yourself.
4. Be okay with having to save yourself.
That’s your job.
Your partner isn’t supposed to be the one who is perfect, has it all together, and knows the perfect words at the perfect time to make you all better.
They are not supposed to be the Knight In Shining Armour On A White Horse.
You aren’t a Maiden in Distress.
You are two souls who find each other, and love each other, and work it out as you go along.
5. Don’t be the bickering couple. Be the couple who are always told to get a room.
You can bicker and negative-tease if you want… and be all passive-aggressive critical of them in front of other people…
but it’s way more fun just to unconditionally adore each other.
And that might sound like a completely stupid thing to say – like derrrrr isn’t what relationships are about? All love and stuff?
But sometimes we get stuck in negative patterns, and act out in ways that are pretty unconscious.
Just watch how you are, and witness what you’d like to change.
6. Save the arguments for the right battles.
That might sound like a contradiction – to not bicker, but be prepared to argue.
Be prepared to speak your truth.
Be prepared to ask for what you want and need.
Compromise only when it doesn’t compromise your soul.
Do not cover up what your spirit wants and needs in order to not cause an argument.
7. Don’t speak negatively about your spouse.
My caveats for this are:
- unless it’s for a really ding dang good reason
- unless it’s something that is a deal-breaker for you
- unless it’s something you will also communicate and heal with your love.
Otherwise, you just end up whining about little things that annoy you, and you’ll feel annoyed. And there’s no point to that kind of stuff.
Unless it’s something that is truly shitting you, and that you are going to communicate and work out with your partner… just stop talking about annoying-spouse stuff.
It’s way more fun to wax lyrical about how hot they look when their eyes crinkle up around the edges, how they’ve given you your fill of eye candy for lunch, or how utterly lovely their soul is…
My favourite relationship advice is from Gay Hendriks:
Make sure that for every one critical or negative thing you say in your relationship, you have said five positive and loving things.
8. Allow each other’s personal ideology.
Over the years of being together, both Chris & I’s ideologies have changed. Or – to be more specific – we’ve always believed in the same thing, we’ve just used different systems along the way to experience and understand spirit more.
Whatever we have wanted to explore spiritually – we’ve given each other the space and acceptance to explore it.
We walk our separate paths, and when we look over at each other, it’s always such a joy to discover that he’s right there beside me anyway.
9. Know what is your responsibility and what is theirs.
Stay in your own energy.
Don’t be trying to make them feel better all the time – that’s their job.
By all means – love them – but stop trying to rescue them from themselves.
Let them make their own choices. Let them choose their own moods.
Ask for what you want and need. Communicate what you’d love to give them.
But it’s not your job to be trying to know how they feel all the time – and make them feel better.
You are not their mother. You are their partner.
Your job is to stay in your own energy and make yourself feel better.
And you still get to be loving… but you will be giving that love from your own centre, and your own energy.
Love & More
We all have had such big, deep, gifted journeys along the Love Path…
what lessons and medicine have you learned along yours?
I heart you as healthily as I can,