Hola my darlingheart,
Yesterday, I was out on my parent’s farm. My sweet little nephew was there – a seven year old Cancerian with ocean wide eyes.
And as I do everytime I see him, I say to him:
Did you want me to give you some sparkly energy?
And he nods, and holds out his arm, giving his wrist to me.
And I place my hand around his wrist, breathing deeply, wishing him light and love. For angels to surround him every moment of every day.
Not there, Aunty Loney. Just here.
He gently corrects me, and guides my fingers a centimetre up
I need the energy to go all the way inside me,
he tells me, with a heart so sweet and pure and divine that I can’t help but know this world is a miracle.
You are so wise, Joshy. Remember you can touch this place on your arm anytime you feel afraid or angry or sad, okay?
He nods at me sagely.
Yes, Aunty Loney. I try to remember. But then when I need it, I forget. Like when I have a bad dream I should touch it. But I don’t remember, and all I can do is cry. I must remember!
And we hugged, and my love came and touched his shoulder, pouring all his protector love to him.
I keep thinking about that little moment in our day.
Just when I need it, I forget the things I need to remember.
I have a list on my iPod.
I made it in the first month of Ostara’s life. For whenever she was crying and I was feeling bonkadoodles and had no idea what to do.
Things to try when she is unsettled
Take her outside
Try the other boob
Pop her in the sling
Sing to her
Change her nappy
Give her a massage
Give her a sponge bath
Try a different sling
Walk her around in sling
Lie her on the floor
I still use it.
It still works.
A gentle, loving reminder of every option I could do.
And you know what?
I have never once gotten to the end of that list and Ostara still to be crying.
I have never once gotten to the end of that list.
It usually only took trying two or three things before All Was Well Again.
Our feelings can change in an instant.
They are fickle things, they are. They are so wired on the moment. On the situation. On our body’s chemicals and chemistry.
And if we can just change one of those things, all can feel well again.
It can go from Rock Bottom Shittastic to Ya Know What? I’m Okay in 15 minutes.
And there is a HUGE difference between shittastic and okay-ness. It’s world-changing to not be bottoming out.
We’re not looking for a massive healing miracle.
We’re just looking to feel okay again.
The happy will follow later.
All we need to do is remember.
Remember what we need to do to feel good again.
Change one thing: The moment. The situation. Our body’s chemicals and chemistry.
So here’s my list.
I’m going to add to it.
The List Of Things To Do When Everything Sucks.
* Go outside for five minutes.
* Smell lavendar.
* Get some sunshine on my face.
* Take five minutes out as a Don’t-Freak-Out Buffer Zone.
* Have a shower. Have a bath.
* Remember that moment with my nephew.
Yup. They are small things. But guaranteed… they do make me feel less shittastic when I need it.
And if I did that whole list? I’d probably move from Ya Know What? I’m Doing Okay to I Feel Pretty Good!
And that’s what’s truly world changing. The little changes. To de-bottom-out.
If you were to write a list… your very own list of things to do when everything sucks…
What do you need to remember?
I love you I love you I love you,