Always Friends, acrylic watercolour for Lisa Marie. 2004.

“Any feeling, other than peace and love, awakens all of your senses to remind you that there is something blocking the way to your peace.

Peace is the fountain of youth …..let go of your emotional heaviness and connect with the peace in your open heart.

Your Peace is the pathway to the love in you.

LOVE HEALS EVERYTHING.”

From The Daily Guru

this really speaks to me, on so many levels.

i’ve been going through a bit of a change of late.

whenever i find myself unhappy or angry or disgruntled with others, or just life in general…

i see the mirror in front of me.

i am recognising that my own unhappiness is just that – my own unhappiness.

any fudgy feelings about others, I CLAIM AS MY OWN.

they are my own fudgy feelings – those people didn’t cause them.

i created them out of my own experience, vantage point, baggage, and perspective.

yesterday i found myself still with this gnawing hurt about a friendship lost, how angry i still felt about it.

“Each of us makes his own weather,

determines the color of the skies

in the emotional universe which

he inhabits.”

~ Fulton J. Sheen

i was holding on to that hurt. it was forming a part of my emotional landscape.

and this took so much courage for me to do – but i wrote on a piece of paper

“I want this to be healed.”

It wasn’t “I want this friend to know how hurt I am.”

It was ~ I want this to be healed.

That was a big step for me ~ walking OUT of old patterns of warring, scarring with words, unforgiving.

I am a Scorpio ~ a loyal a friend as they come. I would stand in the desert protecting a friend from hungry lions with only piercing eyes as a weapon and a sting in my tail.

I am a Scorpio ~ who doesn’t forget when a certain level of loyalty is not returned. I have a rather black-white view of the world and how it should be. When things are grey, I do not cope. My tendency is to withdraw into my shell, and set bridges aflame to protect myself. Not conducive to a healing journey.

I am a Scorpio yes ~ and I respect and value the Scorpian qualities of me. Those ones which serve this journey in my life ~ the energy, passion, clarity, strength, loyalty.

But that doesn’t mean I have to choose to honour all Scorpian values. I can choose to diminish the strength of those which don’t serve me to create a peaceful, joyous life.

I guess what I’m saying is that we are all predisposed to react a certain way. Whether as an effect of the alignment of the planets at your birth, your upbringing, or your personality.

But I do believe we have a choice on how much we retain that disposition.

If it isn’t worthy of the life you want to live now, why keep it?

It seems to me I’m dragging an awful lot of baggage with me when I don’t need it anymore. I thought I would keep it “just incase” I needed it. My arms are growing tired from it. I long to run, to fly, to soar. To walk on roads too slippery, too rocky, too joyously adventuous to carry much heavy stuff with me.

So I wrote on a piece of paper~

I want this to be healed.

I am giving up my fight to be seen, to be heard, to be RIGHT.

I want this to be healed.

I want to be healed.

I am healing.

In the words of a shampoo commercial…

it won’t happen over night, but it will happen.

the path of healing is long, but i have begun.

~

just chose myself a Healing with the Angels card.

Guess what chose me?

HEALING.