The only photo I have taken of a train. It kinda makes me giggle. Nothing to do with this post really, but oh-so-worth-it. India 2007.
Hola gorgeous Goddesses,
This was going to be a Goddess Journey Check-in – one of my usual Monday rituals where I talk about my blessings & challenges from the week before. But then I started writing. And all of a sudden, the big challenge I had this week turned into something really important I needed to share.
So it’s been a big, massive week. The launch of the Making Space for Your Goddess to Shine e-course. The crazy-inbox that ensues. Late nights and all nighters. That familiar feeling of exhaustion-from-no-balance-as-I-rush-to-birth-my-dreams.
And at some point, I got fed up. Not with my course. Not with my dreams. But with the train I jump on to get things done – the one that hurtles through physical pain barriers and mental exhaustion – the one that doesn’t stop until it gets to its destination or burns out doing it. The train where I get so disconnected from myself, my spirit, my life, my partner and my puppies that it hurts. Exhaustion Train Express.
Burning out earlier this year taught me many lessons, but the first was this:
I never want to do it again.
So this time, when I heard the train inside me speeding up, and its familiar whistle call, I jumped the f*** off my burnout train.
Yep, I just dropped the F bomb. Albeit with asterisks. THAT’S how much I needed to jump off that burnout train.
What is with the train metaphor?
My train is my habit – my tendency to push to make things happen. It’s both a blessing and a challenge. A blessing because I can get stuff done with it. A challenge because – if I don’t monitor it, check its speed and direction perfectly and make sure the train isn’t taking over my life – it does take over my life. I get burnt out. I get exhausted. My life becomes all about the train.
Your train might not be a train. It might be a goat. Or just a thing that’s a gift that’s also very annoyingsville. You might not even see it as a gift at all – it might just be your habit or your tendency – that gets in the way of your joy-beams and happy-stripes.
Back to Exhaustion Train Express
There is just no way I am going to hurt myself, my body, my mind, my spirit and my life balance again in some crazy fiendish attempt to Do It All Right Now.
That’s just nuts.
As my sweet course-goddess-muse-and-partner Lisa said to me “Maybe we need to find a way to launch this course WHILE living the gentleness and self-care we know are so important.”
Like woah. That’s huge.
So this is Leonie noticing she has a very big habit to do-do-do until she can do no more… remembering she wants a better life for herself than that… jumping off her burnout train… and finding a more gentle, conscious way to be and do.
It’s been really, ultra-challenging but what my big takeaway lessons from it are this:
1. Get honest
As soon as I noticed I was doing that crazy-do-habit of mine again, I started telling people. I came out. I came out to my partner, our car-pool mate, my friends and my business group. It was like this:
Guys, I noticed I’m doing this thing again of running towards burnout, and I really don’t want to do it again, and this really sucks.
As soon as I got honest, things started to shift. I didn’t have to pretend everything was okay with me. I didn’t have to keep going on the train. When I came out about the train, it lost its steam a little, and I got to take command of it again.
2. There has to be a better way to do this
When I jumped off the train this week – I did it partly from fear. And I did it partly because there was this great big roaring lion inside me that tilted its golden mane back and ROARED:
There has to be a better way to do this.
And I got to seeing that yes – a lot of people suffer from trying to do it all, from too much work, from trying to be an uber-success. A lot of people who want to make their big crazy dream come true are suffering from too-much doingness. We’re getting A+ for effort, D+ for life-living.
And I totally, utterly know (as that great golden lion in me is roaring to me) that I can do this without burning out, losing out, selling out, or running out of the good things in my life.
So that’s my next (gentle) mission.
Make my life sustainable, easy, possible and gentle. Make sharing my gifts an act of nourishment, kindness, abundance and receiving for myself too.
3. Make some changes
Oh yes. There are changes.
Here’s some ways I’m making my life simpler. It is my hope that by following my own instinct and spirit, you will receive what you need too.
* Less blog posts.
Like *ark* right? ARK!
I’m going to post a little bit less per week. Don’t get me wrong – there will still be at least two. But I’m going to try to make those posts richer, deeper and more useful for you. I’ll be experimenting with what works, and what doesn’t. Let me know how it goes, sweetcheeks!
* Custom artworks are now ultra-limited. Coaching will be too.
After much a-thinking, I’ll only be offering Custom artworks on an ultra-limited basis. As in – maybe one or two a month. Maybe less. I’ll be posting when I have space for them. I adore-adore-adore doing them, but I need more space. (Funny that – I wonder if I’m already doing the space-making course? What space do I need for me to shine even more?) I’ll still be offering Goddess art prints.
Goddess Guidance coaching will also be more limited. You can still book in sessions, but I’ll be limiting the number of sessions I book each month.
* What is ultra-possible.
What I will be focussing my energies on are my darling courses – the Creative Goddess ecourse and Divine Decluttering ecourse. That way I can help the most people who are called to this wonderful work as possible.
And also give myself some precious time to love. Breathe. Heal. Sit. Laugh. Travel. And make my train ride more of a leisurely choo-choo through the country while having tea and scones than Exhaustion Train Express.
That sounds nice. So very, very nice.
More like the kind of train I want to be on.
Twitter version of this article?
You don’t have to stay on the same train if it isn’t a lovely one. Jump off, be honest and make it your own. You=amazing.
Thank you so much for being here, and for sharing this journey with me.
I’m so blessed to know each of you.