Hola gorgeous Goddesses!
I had so many questions for gorgeous Pixie… for so many years, she has been a mama-teacher for me. Her brave mama-goddess spirit, and her ability to incorporate mamahood, loverhood, spirithood & creativity is deeply inspiring.
* How did you connect with the spirit of your child while you were pregnant?
I felt that Ivy had been in my tummy before, when I’d lost a pregnancy years before. I was shown in a journey that she’d be coming to me the month before I got pregnant with her…so we go way back. I also was gifted with dreams about them from early on, and when I slept I held special stones (a big jasper heart with Ivy, and a hunk of green tourmaline with Miles) while I was sleeping. I chose each one intuitively early in my pregnancies in order to have a tangible thing to direct my energy to. I remember that before I could feel them flittering around in my belly, it was unbelievable that they were even in there!
I did journeywork to connect with their little spirits and asked them all sorts of questions. I loved speaking to their souls. I still do.
* Did you know intuitively what sex you were having – or was it a surprise?
I guessed wrong both times! I was so certain that Miles was a girl, and without question in my mind, Ivy was a boy. We went for the anatomical ultrasound and Miles burst into tears, because he also thought it would be a boy! I was tricked by these little fairies. Actually, though, Miles shows very sensitive characteristics and so far, Ivy is a strong little thing. So perhaps I was picking up on how they will express themselves versus their actual gender.
(Goddess Editor’s note: The lovely Pixie also let me know that in some spiritual traditions, the spirit of the child comes in around ten weeks of pregnancy or so…)
* What made you choose to have homebirths for both of your children?
It is what felt most natural to my love and I. I had attended several hospital births and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to hear the needs of my own body in the birthing process and so we set ourselves up each time for me to be in the ideal setting for listening and intuiting my way through birth. I felt empowered and courageous in my birthing tub at home, and the women I watched in the hospitals did not seem at ease in their environments. I felt triumphant and full of courage after my births, and I attribute some of those feelings to having had homebirths. When you’re at home, its all up to you to surrender your body and bring that baby into the world.
* What recommendations do you have for goddesses who are thinking of homebirthing?
If reading about homebirth leaves you feeling empowered and energized, and hospital births cause fear or anxiety for you, it may be something worth exploring. there are many videos and books available.
I began reading *Spiritual Midwifery* by Ina May Gaskin and expanded my library from there.
* How did your births begin, how did they build, how long did they last?
With Miles Lighthorse, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling a bit crampy and the little surges progressed from there. It was exciting and I eased into it, which helped. My water didn’t break until an hour before he was born. Time spent “laboring” was four and a half hours.
With Ivy, consistent contractions began around midnite, but I didn’t stop laughing and talking until around 7, when it came time to get down to business! My water broke at 9:35 and Ivy Tallulah was born at 9:45, on the first day of spring (or autumn in australia!)
They shared common hallmarks of intensity, certainly the very short distance from the cervix to greeting the world is intense. It’s amazing how the body sends the brain all sorts of pain managing hormones and chemicals, the whole experience is quite a rush.
* Did you feel during the birthing process? Were there times you felt you couldn’t do it? What helped you through that time?
At the very end of both births, I felt U was reaching my energy limit. Isn’t it a little ironic that just when we feel we are going to be tapped out of a needed resource, a breakthrough occurs?
My husband brought a lot of strong energy to both births and it was his strength and belief in my courageous spirit and the baby’s that carried me over the most intense moments.
I never felt any fear, just exhausted at points.
* Did you use any herbs or natural therapies during pregnancy and birth?
I drank raspberry tea and in the last 5 weeks, I took a supplement from Nature’s Sunshine called 5W, which contained herbs for conditioning the reproductive organs for birth. I used ginger root for nausea, lavender oil in my bath; I was so in my body I took and rubbed everything that was mama/baby safe on myself because being pregnant was like being given the biggest permission slip for self-care ever!
I used a strong tea of comfrey leaf to heal the bottom after birth – it literally regenerates tissue!
* Did you have water births for both your babies?
I only had a water bath with Ivy, my little pisces. For some reason, when I transitioned with Miles, I was very sensitive to the temperature of the water and it made me feel nauseous. so I had him in bed 🙂
* How did you feel when you met your child as it was born?
I felt like I had known them for lifetimes. I recognized their voices and knew the smells of their heads.
* How did your husband hold the space for you during pregnancy, birth, and after-pregnancy?
My dear love was very nurturing during pregnancy, always available for massage, which I often asked for.
During birth, as I said, his energy carried me through the last stages and I can’t imagine what it would have been like without him.
The morning of Ivy’s birth he was like a mother hen, preparing everything and bringing me teas and waters and just making sure everyone was taken care of. I feel as though he gave birth, too.
After pregnancy, he took full charge of Miles when needed so that I could sleep with Ivy full time and rest as much as I needed. He also prepared all meals, ran out for needed supplies – a superhero.
He is a gem and is available to do whatever I need of him. That’s just the swell kind of dad and husband he is.
* Do you do attachment parenting or co-sleeping? What’s your particular flavour of parenting techniques?
I like to think we parent intuitively while incorporating attachment techniques in the first eighteen months. I’ve found that sticking to one particular theory doesn’t allow for me to be open to the varying needs of the children, so I just try to read them as well as I can. “Flexible parenting” might be a good theory for someone to create, I think!
We’re big on co-sleeping until the bodies grow long and lay sideways. Miles transitioned to his great grandmother’s handed-down, cozy bed when he was two, but we have an open door policy and I suspect we always will.
* How do you find the art of breastfeeding?
I find it wonderfully nutritious, convenient, intimate and nature’s perfect experience between my babies and me.
* What is the central important thing for you in being a parent? What do you hope to give your children?
The most important thing to me is that my children trust me. I hope to give my children the courage to live their lives on their terms. And to be kind to all living creatures, including themselves. 🙂
* You are a goddess of self-nurturing. Can you share some of the ways you still have Pixie-time, and how your beautiful husband partners with you in this?
I am always learning about self-nurturing and never quite feeling like I practice it enough! Because there is so much I have to do and to give, I often find myself seeking retreat to refill the well.
We make sure the babes are in bed by 7pm (Ivy) and 8pm (Miles), giving them plenty of rest they need, and I’m a night owl, so I take a few hours to retreat into my craft and painting studio when the house goes quiet.
I also find it extremely nourishing to be able to connect with other women who are living a life similar to mine. Brandon takes creative time for himself and we make time for each other in the little spaces in between. Its a full life, i tell you!
* What are some more of your favourite books & websites on parenting, child-nurturing & mama-hood?
I’ve already talked about Peggy O’Mara & Birthing From Within. I read the Sears books, but I’m not religious about their theories. I think they are a great place to start, but also have to use my intuition to problem solve.
There are so many good ones, but truth be told, I haven’t been sitting with books much! I read many more when Miles was a baby and haven’t read one since Ivy was born!
Thank you so much, sweetest goddess sister Pixie for being you… for all your wisdom, compassion and living as your self-ness.
big love you!