Okay, so here’s the thing.

This afternoon, I am totally overwhelmed.

It came as a wave rushing down. My brain stopped functioning. All I feel is a red alarm going off, telling me:

TOO MUCH TO DO TOO MUCH TO DO TOOOOO MUUUUUCH TO DOOOOOOOOOO

My inbox is doom. My Facebook messages are a wasteland of unresponded to messages from dear friends. My office space has tipped into that point of fun messy into disastrous. I’m a few weeks behind on a couple key rituals I do to keep myself sane. I don’t know what I’ve got on tomorrow – writing that on my to do list to find out now.

Also, and perhaps I should have said this first, because it is the one that is most overwhelm-inducing to me:

I just found out I’ve got 6 weeks to get my 2020 workbooks ready for print. And I still have the 2019 ones to promo and sell too.

That’s probably the funny thing about producing yearly books – you’re always working on two years at once.

So. Six weeks. FUCK ME.

There’s so much I want to do with them. Not least they are being reformatted to be a slightly more manageable size, thicker with a couple new sections.

When I think about everything that needs to be done on top of all the normal stuff that needs to be done: mothering, homeschooling, other businesses, wife-ing, having a life-ing… my vision kaleidoscopes in on itself.

It’s not my first time at the rodeo of overwhelm though.

I’m going to write a list of Things That Will Help. Lists always help me.

  • Tidy my office. It always makes me feel clearer.
  • Write long to do lists. It always makes me feel better.
  • Get really clear about what’s needed and what’s not. Only do the essential.
  • Get 9 hours of sleep a night. Don’t think that more hours will result in more productivity. It just means that I will suck at productivity the next day.
  • Get food delivery service during this time.
  • Create a homeschool roster/curriculum plan that makes things easier.
  • Consider more homeschool co-op time if I need it.
  • Ditch non-essential shit left right and centre. Hope my friends still love me when I disappear down the writer rabbithole once again.

Okay. A storm is brewing outside. Time to disconnect.

+

The Next Afternoon.

Once I disconnected last night, we curled up on the couch together and watched the storm unfold. Counting the seconds between lightning and thunder like I used to when I was a kid, but this time I’m the adult who isn’t scared anymore.

Then we ate toasted tortillas and read picture books together. And as the girls were going to bed, my eldest asked me:

What did you want to be when you grew up, Mummy?

An artist and a writer.

But even when you were really little? When you were like 4?

Always. I always wanted to be an artist and a writer.

And that’s what you are now, right? 

I am.

And my eyes filled up with gladness and that four year old inside me was dancing.

I am what I always wanted to be.

And even when there’s deadlines and juggling and overwhelm, may I always remember that.

Also, we went to the park this morning so the kids could get all sweaty and covered with tan bark, and me and Mr D just sat and looked at the water and watched birds and talked. That helped too.

With a big, glad heart,