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I had a totally different expectation of how this week would go:
My kids would be back to school for the first time in two months, and I would be free to be a creative whirlwind, magicking up a storm in my studio. I’d have time! Energy! Brainspace!
In reality, I have felt completely zonked by the transition. One of my kids has needed a lot of emotional support to help her ease back into school routine. I also am already regretting my life choices to live 25 minutes drive from the school instead of just around the corner. 25 minutes doesn’t sound like a lot… but do it four times a day, and it becomes a lot. Plus just the very idea of a routine harshes my mellow. I just like being squirrelled away at home, living my best hermit life, only occasionally emerging to cause a glorious riot. The house was quiet and still and odd without the children there, and it feels jarring not to be interrupted constantly. Funny, isn’t it? Anyways, this week has just felt like an assault on my senses, and I’ve been acutely aware of how quickly my sweet ASD self gets depleted by the outside world.
So I’ve gone back to leaning heavily on ASD coping mechanisms and tools, especially my weighted blanket. Medication is a necessary constant for me. I also restocked for Lotus Wei and Naughty Naturopath Mum remedies. I am also going to look at noise cancelling headphones purely just to experience silence when I need it. My ears feel like they’ve been pounding with all the stimulation, and I can feel myself getting flappy around them.
Other coping strategies: listening to the same comfort music over and over (James Taylor and Olivia Newton John’s “Grace and Gratitude” album). Getting 10 hours of sleep each night just to help my brain digest all the input. Solo time. Journaling. My husband reminding me to lower my expectations on myself, and go gently.
I have two ideas for things I wanted completed by the end of this month – a longer marketing e-course and a shorter masterclass. And neither of them is going to be finished, and that feels hard and annoying. I want to finish the things! I want to make so many things!
I need to remember that I did take most of this month as a holiday, and it was glorious. I can’t take a month long holiday AND expect to have magically created something in a single sneeze.
And I so wanted this first week back at school to be a home run of productivity and creative accomplishment. For that first shiny new week to be perfect and start me on the path to success this year. I’ve been wanting to make so many changes this year, and now I haven’t started it off perfectly, there’s a part of me that feels petulant and despondent. Like: UGH WELL I MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP NOW AND GO BACK TO MY OLD WAYS LE SIIIIGH.
I didn’t realise I’d been holding such high expectations for this week. I might need to instead just take a breather, and be much kinder to myself and open to the reality instead. And note that the transition of going back into school routine is sometimes going to be tough on my kids and my ASD self. That it’s enough just to get through it, and even better if I can do it with some grace and tenderness.
I’ve got so much to write about. Maybe I can just start with that. A little bit by little bit.
Thank you for being here. I’m so glad you are in this world.
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