respond~ability

.

That’s the big things I’ve been coming up against,
screeching “why haven’t i learnt this yet?”
learning from, releasing (to a certain degree)
and beginning all over again the next day.

I know it had to happen. It still needs to happen.
To not look outwards for the “yes ~ you’re doing the right thing”
To feel instead inside what how I feel about it.
I wrote that I in “how I feel about it” with a great big satisfying CLUNK on my keyboard.

I had the epiphany tonight. I was at my desk, doing a few pages of my journal,
just to declutter my head, and I realised:
I put so many expectations on the outside world to nurture my inside bits.
I shake to my very core when I come across anything that I PERCEIVE to be negative.
I’d like to be stronger in myself, and in my vision, and in my dream.

So, all these fears, and all this tension, and all the miscommunication ~
I am claiming it. I am claiming my responsibility in it.
In allowing my perception to be affected by others, when it didn’t need to be.

When I did the above doodles on paint chips, I showed it to my partner,
and said:
What do you think?
Before he could say anything, I closed the book, smiled, and said:
You know, it doesn’t really matter what you think. I LIKE IT!

hee hee hee…
I LIKE IT.
So this is me. Claiming my power, claiming my dream, claiming myself.
And claiming my responsibility in nurturing and empowering it.

With love, and awe at this spinning planet, and all that intertwines,
Leonie