she dreams in colour.

I know I’ve been absent a little this week. They have been days filled with leaping, breathing and leaping again. This week I signed forms to go part-time at work… and have one day a week devoted solely to painting and writing.
I had dreamed of it for months now, and Chris and I had discussed it sometime back. The runway was clear: all that was needed was for me to leap.
When the time came to do it though, I felt so much inertia. So much what-ifs, and a bit of fear. It’s one thing to have a dream, but to grab it by the balls? That can be the hard one.
I thought of all the what-ifs… what if my paintings don’t sell, what if people don’t like what i do, what if i don’t know what to do with myself…?
And also: what would it be like not to be chasing the corporate dream anymore? How would I deal with chasing MY dream – not anyone else’s, but mine? It’s easy to chase someone else’s dream for you. You don’t have as much hope or heart invested in it.
It’s the big one to stand up and be counted exactly as you are.
Here is the deepest truth of me:
I am Leonie. I have known in my heart since I was 4 that the only thing I wanted to do with my life was be an artist, poet or writer.
I now stand 6 days short of my 23rd birthday, about to do the one thing my heart is truly invested in. And it is scary as shit, I tell ya. It is scary as shit to think it may not possibly work.
Even SCARIER than shit however, is the possibility of not giving it a go.

So I leapt.

And today I painted my heart out.
It felt like the most natural thing in the world.