We found out our sweet boy Charlie may have epilepsy today, after he had a fit at the vets (I must commend his sense of timing and place). We’ll be keeping a close eye on him to see if there’s a pattern to his fits (or if he even has any more), or if he is experiencing fairly bad anxiety attacks (read: can’t walk, legs won’t work, back seizes up, glassy eyes).
He is quiet this afternoon, lying down in my studio.
I lay down next to him, and checked in with me.
I realised on some levels I was resisting him, thinking “he’s just a dog… don’t get attached… especially a dog that might have a problem…”
As though if I loved, it meant loss. And loss in love – is it worth it?
Yep, I felt all of that. I’m not going to judge it. This whole beautiful life and this beautiful dog love me so unconditionally they teach me those lessons.
I moved my head to be next to his, and I spoke to him:
My darling boy, no matter what, I’m going to love you.
It’s okay if you have epilepsy. It’s okay if there’s something happening in your body. It’s all okay… no matter what. No matter how long we have, I am blessed to know you. I am blessed to love you, even when that means we only have moments or years to experience each other.
And I thought how it kinda made sense to make this a mantra for love.
Health issues – they always make me radiantly aware of the shortness, the promise and the magnificence of this life. How lucky we are just to be here now, experiencing all of it. Even the stuck parts, the loss parts, the grieving and the awakening parts.
in love and light,
P.S. If your sweet fur~kid has epilepsy, please share your experiences…