So. Growing a business.
Crafting my own amazing life.
Making choices that require transformation and growth.
Choices that force me to step up, invest in my dreams, make shit happen.
Does it scare me?
I get this question a lot.
As though somehow I must be exempt from fear or worry.
So I want to set the record straight.
Does it scare me?
Of course it fucking does, my darling!
I’m going through a big wonderful scary/growth/mindset shifting time right now.
Here’s the low down:
Around Christmas time, I was crouched in the shower with my daughter.
And all of a sudden I saw it:
the vision I’ve been seeking.
The download of what my business was supposed to do in the next year:
what would it create, how it would change, how it would serve me, how it would serve others.
In a word, it was BIG.
My first million dollar a year idea.
Something that feels big and profound and limitless.
Something that will go on to change the world, and the many women.
It felt GOOD.
Now me + my lovely right hand Americano girl Marissa are submerged in a deep, intensive planning retreat.
Mapping out exactly what we need to do to birth this beautiful vision into the world.
And confronting every part of us that isn’t ready for it to be born.
It’s a great, deep vision quest.
Of course it’s okay and normal to be afraid of change. It’s understandable when parts of you quake in fear. You just don’t know what your world will look like at the end of this change, if you’ll be able to step up and do what is needed.
So I rise to meet (and crouch to hold) all the parts of me that aren’t yet ready.
I know all I need do is listen and their fears will be lessened.
Do the work that is needed to lessen the pain and severity of their fears.
Help them see that no matter what, they will be safe with me. Always. All of my selves.
So I cry.
I cry when I write down in my business planner that I will make a million dollars over the next year.
I cry because I don’t fucking know what a million dollars is (as I said to Marissa “It’s like Monopoly Money! The only time I’ve ever glimpsed a million dollars is in that game! It’s like learning to speak a whole other language!”)
I cry because all the hurt, wounded, unresolved parts of me want to rise to the surface and be witnessed and healed and loved:
the me that feels like a terrible friend. the me that has been so deeply damaged from an awful bout of Post Natal Depression and awful life shit and is still recovering from the trauma of it all. the me that feels unlovable.
They are a part of me, but they are not all of me.
Just as the parts that are afraid in you are not all of YOU.
Because all of you includes the you that already knows how to do this. The You you will grow into along the way. The You you were destined to be. The You of profound power, grace, sovereignty and courage.
What To Do When You Hit The Place of Fear
Talk to it.
Cry it out.
Know it’s not all of you.
Therapy it out.
Intuitive healing it out.
Journal it out.
Whatever it takes – whatever works for you – do it.
You’re Not Meant To Stay Stuck In Fear
True shit, darlingheart.
You’re really not.
When parts of you feel fear, you’re not supposed to stay there, feeling it over and over again.
Ya gotta heal it. And then pull your big girl panties on, and do it anyway.
Your gifts and your biggest dreams are MEANT to come true in the world.
You are MEANT to play big and change the world in a BIG way.
You are destined to do this.
And it’s not always going to be a piece of piss. It’s not always going to feel like ease and comfort along the way. There will be parts that scare you, that take your breath away, that make you think “can I really do this?”
And then you do it.
You do it because it must be done.
You do it because it lights you up.
You do it to prove you can do it.
You do it because there is no other way.
You can’t just stay stuck. You can’t keep wondering. You can’t keep hoping that one day your ship will come in.
Instead, you become the best effing captain you ever can be. You set your course. You write your map. You make your mark on the world.
You say “I was Here.”
You do it, not because you’re not afraid…
but because you are more than just that.
You are more than just fear.
You are pure energy. Work. Love. Faith. Commitment. Persistence. Perseverance.
Deep, total and complete focus on your vision.
Faith that what you are doing is of the utmost importance.
Because it is.
To you. To us. To everyone surrounding you. To the world.
We want to see you SHINE, love.
Because that’s what you were born to do.
All my love,