My gorgeous Goddess sister, Leigh… Open and Out There…
Hola gorgeous Goddesses!
Today’s my first Monday at home – the first week I only work for three days. Hello hugeness! It’s morning – or is it afternoon? Oh yes, afternoon. Time quickly slips away when you are in the throes of video-making and course-creating and Goddess-circle-nesting. It’s four days until the launch of the Great Big Goddess Rocket Ship, and I’m in countdown. I’ve been fighting with my fringe so it doesn’t look mullet-ish in the videos and emailing my mailing list and Facebook Group-ers to say “Yoooo hoooo? You know that awesome creative + spiritual spaceship I’m building? It’s launching into goddess space in like, five seconds, and if you wanna be on it, ya gotta get on it. Otherwise, dat’s cool, ya know?” And trying to say and do all those things without sounding/looking/feeling like a schmucky Goddess pain-in-the-donkey.
The long and the short of it…
Is that I’m feeling very, very “OUT THERE.”
Very exposed. Very Vulnerable. And a little bit of the F word – Fragile.
It’s like I have a big raving crush on the cutest boy in school. And not only do I like him, I decide to make a shirt made up pronouncing it to the world. Then I walked to the top of a mountain, and YELLED IT out for the world to hear. Then waited.
Except, in this instance, I just happen to have a big raving crush on women’s circles and creativity and spirituality. And I totally – and utterly – believe that we women are Goddesses, and we gotta remember our beauty and wisdom and gifts. And I have this crazy gorgeous vision of helping women all around the globe discover that about themselves. And making creativity + spirituality fun and close to our heart’s home again.
So I’m putting myself out there. Flying my Deep Beliefs flag. Getting my shirts printed up with my Sacred Vision on there. And really, really, putting my time, money and mouth where my heart calls me. And that’s gorgeous… but it also brings up STUFF.
The “Being-Out-There” STUFF
When you’re OUT THERE, it can bring up your Stuff. With a capital S.
Here’s some of my favourite little snippets that I felt today:
What if someone thinks what I’m doing sucks?
What if they tell other people they think I suck?
What if people think my emails are slimy salesity-salesville and unsubscribe when I’m trying to be “hellloooooooooo-just-wanted-to-let-you-know-possum” instead?
What if I’m not really good enough for this?
Then, that totally wonderful idea:
I really think I ought to spend a good hour comparing myself to other people and why they would do better at this than me. And why people love them more than me. And why I should give this up now.
Yup. Oh look, I didn’t realise I was travelling with all these carry-on pieces of STUFF.
The Journey THROUGH it.
As always, with STUFF, it’s good to look at what’s coming up… and then find your journey *through* it.
I talked a little about this in What if someone thinks my art/writing/music/creative creation sucks?
So here’s what more I learned today – I want to share these so you can use whenever your “OUT THERE” STUFF comes up too.
Re-phrasing the sucky “What if?” questions
So I had all those usual “What if?” questions running through my head. You know the ones – the sucky, energy draining ones about being good enough and so on. And those questions just weren’t helping me.
So I got to the core of it by asking a better question:
If I wasn’t doing this Very Big Thing That I Love and Totally Believe In, even when it DOES scare me, and challenge me and press buttons – what would I want to be doing?
And the answer for me is – I would do this anyway. Even if it called on All of Me to step up. Even when it means I need to heal some old stuff when it comes up. Even when I get pissy about it.
Because this – this is my big dream. It’s part of my Gorgeous, Precious Vision. It’s what I was born to do. And to go against what I was born to do – that would be more painful than to just stand here, and allow what comes up to come up.
Keep questioning your questions, until they give you the True Answer.
So the questions would be:
What is it that you truly, ruly, want to do?
What belief, vision and crazy dream would you keep standing up for, even when it feels scary sometimes?
I try to meditate every morning. It’s on my To-Do list, ya know? And sometimes it just doesn’t happen. Which I’m mostly okay with – it’s just a wonderful opportunity to notice how I am in the outside world when I haven’t got within.
In the simplest form, I’ve found meditation does One Great Big Thing for me. It makes me remember that all I’m searching for is resting inside me.
So today, when I got triggered and anxious about what I perceived other’s actions to be, I went outside. I sat down in the sunshine. I closed my eyes. And I took one hundred breaths.
When I opened my eyes again, it was like I’d built a space around myself again. Instead of my spirit being affected by every word or thought that came my way, there was a peaceful buffer. Like meditation had just made me a lovely moat, and I could keep being Leonie, completely in my own energy.
Taking 100 breaths is the most under-rated life changer I know.
Trusting in My Right People.
Today I reminded myself to Trust in my Right People. The idea that not everyone is going to dig, understand or love what I’m doing. But that if I keep turning up, doing what I do, *my* Right People will find me, and want to be a part of this gorgeous journey.
Today I reminded myself that I really wasn’t supposed to be all things to ALL People – just What I am to the People who are looking for that.
Today, I choose to trust in myself, and who I am. I was born like this, so it must be for a reason. Just as you were born you, for your very own important reason.
Passing the Talking Stick…
Okay precious souls… as always, the Talking Stick is available for you in the Comments Circle.
And, as always, I’m wishing you the most precious, gorgeous self,
as you remember what a Goddess you are…
Are you called to be a part of the Creative, Soulful Circle? There’s still time. The Creative Goddess e-Course & Circle begins January 15.