Again, I am on a healing journey.
My burnout + exhaustion + panic attacks from the last six weeks dissipate, but do not disappear.
I feel like I’m on a mildly broken swing – most of the time, I am happily suspended in the air. And then something happens, I get triggered, and the swing bottoms out, hitting the sand beneath – hard.
*
I snap at a midwife after a pretty negative birth class on all the things that can go wrong – a class that ends in the “Grief Room” (for parents who’ve just had a termination or stillborn… uhhhh yeah).
I feel overwrought and anxious that I’m on a train that I can’t control.
I want to build a fortress so no one can ever laugh again at any of my birth plans.
I sit silent and blinking back tears when a midwife whispers in a birth class about another woman’s plans for her birth – she rolls her eyes about the plans, and says weiiiiiiiiiiird. And the whole class guffaws with laughter as though it is the oddest, most awful thing on earth. And it’s a plan that some of my friends have done with their births, and it was something I planned for my own.
I feel alone and unsupported – like I’m carving a whole new path. As the first of my little tribe of friends to give birth, I don’t know what to do. I just have a vague sense that I can’t do it the normal way.
I feel indoctrinated by the Crowd of Normal. All the Normal people who live unconsciously. All the Normal people who think I’m weird. I search for pregnant mamas in our classes who actually get me – who are wanting something different – who believe in something different – but there is only a sea of Normal. The Normal that I don’t fit into. The Normal I was never born to fit into, and the Normal I have no interest in fitting into. A Leopard cannot change her spots, and a Goddess Leonie cannot change herself into the Normal. I don’t want to be a normal mama. I don’t want to be a normal person. I don’t want to meet up with other mums for coffee to bitch about our husbands. I don’t drink coffee, gossiping bores me, I’m not married and I still think Chris is the most beautiful man in the world. I’ve been feeling trapped on a train that is headed to Normal Station… when all I want to be is me – lights blazing, loving joyfully, living sacredly. I’m so, so scared of losing myself in the Normal.
I think spiteful thoughts about the maternity-store woman who insists I try on maternity singlets that are two sizes too small because it will make my boobs “perkier.”
I clench my fists and jaw over that crappy life thing that’s been happening since Christmas – and is only just being fixed now.
I want to pop a blood vessel when someone tells me again a birth story that feels more scary than empowering.
I cry when things don’t go right.
I want to have a panic attack every time someone tells me I can’t feel stressed because it affects Little Mermaid.
And then… our sweet Little Mermaid dances her way upside-down-right-way-up into breech for the moment.
*
Most of the time, I’m a happy gliding ducky… until something happens.
And then Leonie turns into a sobbing monster who wants to write long sad stories about how hard-hard-hard things are right now, how awful things are, and how nothing – nothing – seems to be going right now.
*
There has to be a better way.
*
I reach out again for help.
I find an acupuncturist who specialises in helping Little Breech Mermaids swim down into the depths again.
He listens to my pulse with his hands, and tells me:
I can feel your stress in your pulse. We will fix this too.
And I believe in him.
*
My love takes me to a Jungian psychotherapist with a large bowl of rose quartz crystals beside her.
She has kind eyes, and reminds us of Nan – our ninety year old elderwoman who listens with kindness.
She tells me stories of calling the angels around a birthing woman, and whispers:
Leonie, you don’t have to be normal. You can make your birth and life how you like it.
And she asks me why I feel so triggered and anxious, and a light bulb goes off in my head.
I see all the times throughout school I’d been called weeeeeeeiiird by the Sea of Normal, and how I’d since created a life surrounded by wonderful, spirited, understanding souls. And how this act of pregnancy had thrown me out of that sweet circle of safety I’d created – leaving me feeling like I was battling the high school crowds again, defending who I am.
Do you think, she says, you could come from your place of power instead? So you don’t take things so personally? So you don’t feel knocked off your perch everytime you feel judged?
Instead, you’d just be a woman living her truth, joyful again in her own life, doing what she wants to do, being how she wants to be.
And I glimpse that might just be possible.
She had given me the gift of a vision I can walk towards.
*
In the morning, I rise.
Go give thanks to Great Spirit,
says a voice inside me.
I set off for the western mountain near here, walking up it with three incense sticks, hands in my pockets, stopping every few moments to let my belly settle and my back stretch.
At the top of the mountain, there is a wise old tree surrounded by a natural forming stone circle.
I bow my head as I walk up to it, asking the tree, the stone circle, the earth angels if I may enter.
They welcome me.
I ask my guides to be with me.
I step into the circle, and nestle beneath the tree, removing my shoes and leaning my back up against her rough bark.
Immediately, I feel held by her branch arms.
Immediately, I feel surrounded by the ancients, my elders, my teachers.
I want to cry. It is a relief to find them again after feeling oh-so alone.
And here they are, on the mountain, waiting for me to come and speak with them again.
*
I light the three incense sticks of Nag Champa – one for me, one for my love, one for Little Mermaid. Three souls who have chosen each other to walk their journeys with.
I dig the sticks into the earth, let the smoke waft over me.
I let my eyes swim and fade, and I breathe.
I close my eyes until the morning light awakens the spirit in me.
When I open them again, I look out over the valley, over the suburb, the wide green sheep farms leading up to the next mountain range.
Suddenly, the mountains are not ordinary Canberra mountains anymore – I see them light up and gloam like the mountains at home, like the hills of Avalon.
And the mountains weave their magic, and I hear the voice:
*
You are a wise woman, walking your wise woman path Leonie. You must remember this.
You worry that you do not know what to do – that this is your first time. Remember the wise woman way, and remember you have done this before, over and over.
You have learned so many gifts and know so much wisdom and tools from your journey. Use these, now and always.
Motherhood and birthing is not separate from your spiritual journey. Why would you separate them?
You can be a shamaness when you give birth. You can be a wise woman when you mother.
All these things are woven together. You are not alone. When you became pregnant, we did not leave you to experience this life thing. It is not a separate journey from your spiritual path. It is all a part.
We need you to be a wise woman now. We need you to blaze your light on your path ahead.
Women tell you their birth stories filled with pain because they have a wound. They did not know the path of the wise woman way when they birthed. They did not know. We need women to be able to know the wise woman way if they want it. You can help in bringing this to those who need it.
But for now, plait your hair and lace feathers through it, like you always have done. Stand on the top of the mountain, staff in hand, and see how the mountains glow.
Remember again this world is filled with light, with spirit, with wisdom, with joy… that birthing and mamahood is a part of this.
We are not asking you to be different from who you are… we are asking you to remember who are you are, deep down in your cells – the woman of power, presence, knowing and radiance.
Bring this into your journey now. You belong here.
*
And I see the future unfold before me. The Leonie who had forgotten she could be a Goddess, and walk her medicine path, even as she birthed and became a mother. The Leonie who remembered the courageous, brave, light-filled soul inside her. The Leonie who knew again that she felt lost when all she needed was to bring her soul’s sacred work back into her life.
And I saw that I was meant to be here, right here and now, beneath the sage toned mountains of Canberra. And that one day soon, I would live again beneath the deep blue mountains of Proserpine, the town named after a Goddess, creating our retreat, teaching other women the path of the wise woman too.
*
I’d been worrying about the outcomes of my life and my birth. I was afraid of having a cesarean if Little Mermaid didn’t become un-breech. I was terrified of being transferred to the hospital. I was afraid of not reading All The Books beforehand. I was afraid of not applying all the concepts of ecstatic birthing and attachment parenting correctly. I was afraid of not getting breastfeeding right. I was afraid of not knowing all the herbal healing remedies I might need. I was afraid that I might not be calm. I was afraid I might not have prepared hard enough, or meditated long enough before Birthing Day came.
I had a ginormous score card of my performance, and was so ready to judge myself.
And I see that that fear of Getting It All Wrong – it came from that place of feeling lost, alone, and grasping at all straws.
It came from a place that didn’t believe that in my cells and in my soul, there lived the wisdom that I needed.
Now I see that my real fear… was losing myself.
As soon as I remembered I could be a wise woman and a goddess, as I birthed and as I became a mama… things began to make sense again.
It didn’t matter if I ticked all the boxes anymore. It didn’t matter how Little Mermaid chose to come into the world. It didn’t matter what the Sea of Normal were doing, and what they thought of me. There was no score card. There was only a woman, walking her own sacred path.
All that mattered was that I had me again… me and the way I choose to walk the path of my life.
I was no longer lost. I was no longer alone.
*
Inside me, there lives a wise woman. She has lived many times before. She shows me the way.
She teaches me the path of courage, healing, joy and knowing.
I place my hand inside hers.
I turn and face the wind.
The light glows warm on my face.
My waxing-moon belly rolls like the ocean, bearing the fruit of a new goddess, and a new life.
My legs are strong. They know this land.
I can be a goddess. I can be a wise woman.
Because that is who I am.
Now that I have found my self again,
I am home.
{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }
So beautiful to witness how you are birthing the fuller, more radiant and more powerful goddess of yourself as your journey into motherhood.
This is a very strong and wise post.
I think of how lucky your little mermaid is to have a mommy who is trusting her soul, her inner voice — what a gift you will give to her through the example of your own luminosity to your inner truth.
For me, in the final months of pregnancy, my inner truth came roaring up — I was bristly and edgy and out-spoken. I laid clear boundaries (sometimes with a roar) around what I needed. I so appreciated whatever hormonal angels were at work then, as it both helped to clear and heal me so I could go into birthing our daughter in a place of deep centeredness, power and peace.
For me, that kind of consolidation of power and peace is happening for you…
Please know that from across the world, I am here holding the space for you to write the birth story that longs to be written from your heart — for honoring what feels nurturing, loving and peaceful for you….
As a mom, who brought her own Target kiddie pool into the hospital so we could have a water birth — who had four-page birth plan — who requested soft lights, soft voices and quiet music — who decorated the room to my liking — who didn’t want any of the normal stuff they typically do for a newborn (shots and the like) — I too felt very unnormal and sometimes (to be honest) a little afraid (like what if what felt right for me was somehow wrong….
But my experience was that my bringing my inner callings — my Shannon-Mother-Goddess — to the birth was a gift to those who witnessed it as it expanded their sense of what birthing could be. What normal really looks like.
Sending you so much love….and encircling you and that lovely babe with golden light.
darlin’ you are concentrated – e.blooming – nourishment
I know exactly what you mean – that is why I was pleased to do antenatal classes given by a dualla expert in hypnobirthing, and not the normal classes. I consciously shut out all the people with their negative birth stories – I think it is the hypnobabies people who refer to having a bubble of peace around you, and working hard to make sure you’re not around anyone who might puncture it. Don’t worry, you’re not alone – my mother in law said had she known of my plan to home birth with a midwife, she would have called the police. Normal is a very scary place sometimes – I think where you are is just fine! Little Mermaid is a lucky little girl to have a mom like you.
There is too much “you have to do things a certain way to fit in”. I just want to come round and give you a big hug. You just do it the way you want to do it. So what people don’t get it. If they don’t get it they shouldn’t be in your life anyway. Glad you found your position of strength again. You are going in this birthing mothering path conciously, joyfully and with power. There is simply nothing else you need.
In the words of another favourite goddess…. You have enough. You do enough. YOU ARE ENOUGH. And there are also the right people out there to give you love support and help when you need it. The kind that you want and need! Love love love you. Big hugs. You are on the most amazing journey. Everything is as it should be xoxoxoxoxoxo
Brilliant, moving, marvelous post…
You ARE enough ~ You always have been, and you always will be ~
My heart is with you ~
bobbie
Oh Leonie Love – how I feel for you and send you such positive thoughts for a wonderful birth experience – but (and please don’t think of this as negative) if things don’t happen to go exactly as you’d wish – try to remember that for example – a long successful loving relationship (eg marriage) isn’t the result of a perfect wedding day – it’s everything that goes into the days/months/years that follow.
24 years ago last December, despite being I felt, well informed, well prepared, fit, healthy and in such love with my “Little Mermaid” I had a most awful birth experience – that still moves me to tears as I type this – BUT – I look at the result of that birth today with such amazement, wonder and awe. She is a gorgeous, talented, capable, caring young woman who has grasped every opportunity life has presented her with – with both hands – and sprinted with it!!
She has achieved so much more already in her short lifetime than I have in my 50+ years on this earth.
A brilliant birth experience would have been a wonderful start – but it is what has gone on since then that is represented by the amazing girl I see today – and I still can’t quite believe I produced her.
With a mother like you – your Little Mermaid is bound to go places too
I hope you have a glorious birth. I had the most pure and beautiful homebirth with my wonderful midwife — the most empowered divine moments of my life roaring out my baby in my pool in my bedroom.
My goddessness was never more prounounced. I wish all of that for you and more.
You are not ~normal — you know that you can have a better birth than those traumatised in hospy. Blessings on you and your beautiful mermaid.
Dearest Leonie
What a powerful and moving post – very emotional.
What is being given to me at the moment is that your way of birthing has been so “normal” for hundeds, neh thousands of years before the ‘new normal’ came in with all it’s technology and interference.
Go with your flow, do things as you wish, birth is a natural process and you live in the natural world and do things your natural way – what’s right for you is just that.
All the Angels and Guides and Ancestors will be around you and there to help and guide you, Chris and Little Mermaid as she makes her amazing and wonderful entrance into this world.
I send my love, light and peace to you all from England.
with love. Ke xx
And another well wisher from England . . .
What a powerful moment. You are remembering everything you need, and isn’t that just perfect?
Big, wonderful, empowering hugs and plenty of *sparkles*
I am so deeply blessed to sit in circle with you, dearest Goddesses.
Ho, ho, ho.
Humbled and blessed and touched.
big love
xoxoxox
Goddess Leonie
P.S. Must add this to the basket of wisdom…
http://pixiecampbell.typepad.com/pink_coyote/2010/02/from-the-attic.html
If those people are normal, I’m proud to be weird with you!
What a powerful post, thanks for sharing!
If you are weird, I don’t want to be normal, and that’s the truth. But that aside: this is your experience, your birth, your family, your life. I know how tough that Crowd of Normal can be. I’m surrounded by them, too.
But I have a story that may help you. When I was pregnant with my little Ram-god 13 years ago, I was suffering mightily from panic, for numerous reasons. He’d flip and squirm and gently kick my belly. I took it as his way of cheering me on. “You can do it. You can GET THROUGH IT.”
He was right. So’s your Little Mermaid. They have more wisdom than we can possibly imagine.
(And my little mermaid has made a surprise for you. I need to scan it and post it on Facebook so you can see it,)
I, too, was afraid of all those things. And the universe laughed and taught me a lesson that the best laid plans can go awry. I went through the birth and the first few months of parenting on pure instinct. And it worked out fine. Sure, people rolled their eyes at me at times. And I had to trust myself to stand up for my decisions after listening. But it all worked out. And that’s what matters.
Be who you are. It is the best gift you can give your child, yourself, and the Universe.
Leonie,
This post really resonated with me today. The ‘sea of normal’ issue has plagued me since I can remember. I spent half my young adult life trying to crave myself into the normal that everyone else was, just so that someone would talk to me.
I think that’s why I liked you so much when we first met. You were big, and bold and brilliant, and you weren’t afraid of that (at least it appeared you weren’t!). You were utterly yourself, and you accepted me just as I was, with all my weirdness and even my anger at the world.
You were one of the first people to ever accept me, as I remember it.
That stuck with me. And, through your blogs and your work, I’ve been reminding myself every single day that I am not normal, I am me, and there’s no better way for me to be than to be me.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, thank-you for being you. You are one of the brightest stars that shine in my memory and there is no reason you should ever, ever change.
So, never, ever change.
You are loved precisely because you are you, and not just one more drop of water in the sea of normal.
Love always,
Sonia
Normal is over-rated. Pregnant hormones cause all kinds of strange emotional reactions. You are doing all the right things by creating a vision of how you want things to be. It’s still ok if things aren’t what you expected or even wanted. Don’t attach to the outcome! The birth day, like the wedding day, is only one day out of the big picture. (Great point, Sue.)
I could so see you under the wise goddess tree finding your true self and walking the Wise Woman Way. That’s the key. Remember that and you’ll be fine. Fear is just a feeling like all the others.
You are a bright star who has taught me to love myself better and now I am surrounding you with love and holding the space for the “weird” mother in you. Mary Daly defines a weirdie as “One that is extraordinarily Strange, Eccentric: a Natural Woman!
Be Weird and Be Proud! There is nothing ordinary about you Beautiful Goddess Leonie.
Such a beautiful transition to witness … you returning again and again into you center, your power. We are constantly tested and asked to reaffirm our goddess selves and you will be sharing this strength with your little mermaid.
Not knowing all the details of your situation or possibilities, I offer this: it is never too late to change your mind about who will be assisting your mermaid in her birth. I recall a story about a woman who changed doctors just weeks before her due date because he just wasn’t listening to her. I also recall a prenatal student telling me a horrible thing her ob-gyn said to her that set up such a spiral of fear and doubt in her, I wanted to tell her to run away fast! I didn’t -I think out of fear of me not really “knowing” about birthing – and I regret that decision. She had a healthy child, but the birth experience was not an empowering one for her.
Anyway, I read your words and thought there has to be another midwife or group that would be more supportive for you. You and your mermaid are in change … even if that means you keep a tight watch over the negativity that swirls around you. You are right, it is about Their fears, their disconnect from their power, not yours!
Holding you in Light and Love – and remember: for most of human time, there were no “authorities” in the form of books to be read before birthing! Knowledge is a great thing, but a side effect is the message that we don’t know and need all these authorities to instruct us. The only expert necessary will be your wise animal body and the pure soul waiting to enter this world. You have all you need! And you have hundreds of arms and hearts holding you right now. We are here, whispering encouragement and support – we will hold the space of trust for you, even when you may get a little off balance.
xxo lis
How wonderful that you’ve been able to find your way back to that comfortable place within yourself, where everything is just as is should be. I think it’s amazing you could do it all by yourself.
Thank you for sharing this…
Love, farnés
Oh, Leonie! This is such a beautiful post! While my journey is not through mama-hood, I needed to hear you talking about finding that wise woman inside. I am facing a lot of fear and deep uncertainty about my health, and seeing you face the “sea of normal” and then remember yourself is so inspiring as I struggle on my own healing path. I am sending you lots of beautiful supportive energy through this walk.
I had two very different (but both wonderful) birth experiences. The first was difficult – my child had a large head but was perfectly positioned – and resulted in a forceps delivery. It was a triumph! The attending doctor thought I should have a c-section, but I asked for a 2nd opinion. The 2nd agreed with the 1st, but listened to me and the nurse when we asked for one more push… which did the trick.
My second child arrived much more quickly (3 1/2 hours, start to finish). I used the whirlpool and was able to try different positions, unencumbered. My son was 9 lbs 9 oz, so the ease of delivery was a surprise.
Both births were beautiful in their own way, and I wouldn’t trade either experience for anything. I know you will make your own story a thing of wonder and joy. Remember that while it’s good to be informed and decisive, you don’t need to follow a script. Be open to what unfolds, and you will not be disappointed!
P.S. My kids will be 19 and 16 this year … birth is only the beginning … you will continue to bond and grow every day!
such strength and wisdom already. you are doing a beautiful job.
and do remember, this birth is her journey too, and there will be parts of it that are not in your control but hers. its a dance you must do together and sometimes you may need to let her take the lead. we each have our own path into this world and it may or may not match the one our mothers have for us. whatever the circumstances and outcome of this birth, it will be exactly the beginning of a very long journey it needs to be for both of you.
blessings.
this is such a beautiful post, and I thank you for the courage it took to write and share it. Even though I’m not pregnant and have no kids, I’ve been feeling that push/pull with the Sea of Normal, and this post resonated with me. It’s so easy to forget and judge myself and feel lost & like I just want someone to tell me how to do this …. because living consciously and being fully myself is new to me and feels hard sometimes.
I really needed this post & its reassurance, and I’m glad you found your own reassurance.
I wish you all the perfect resources & companions on this journey for you. You are a shining example for all who read your blog and witness your journey!
- jess
” I want to build a fortress so no one can ever laugh again at any of my birth plans.”
I would like to do that too. I had to walk away from my birth classes. I am going to be a “teen mom” so the hospital had required classes for me. The nurse teaching them treated me and all the other young women there like we couldn’t possibly be smart enough to have a child and that our bodies couldn’t manage the task by themselves. I got made fun of for wanting a natural birth and nurse told me I would end up with an epidural anyways because it’s just too hard. I left and didn’t go back. Now I’m preparing on my own and I feel much more at ease because I know that my body and mind can do this and that it has done this in previous lives. I am here holding your hand on your journey to mamahood just as are all the other mamas that have ever been.
leonie, welcome back to YOU. your willingness to share your strength and joy as well as your vulnerability inspires me so much in my own journey. thank you. thank you. thank you.
just sending you love and light for this part of your journey…
you are blessed
That Sea of Normal is teeming with scared little fishies. No wonder you don’t want to drown in it!
You are strong and wise and amazing and your Little Mermaid is incredibly lucky to have chosen you as a mamma! All Blessings and Love to you.
I know if I were to get pregnant someday I would definitely have a home birth. It seems liek the most natural thing for us to do as woman ( I’m young only 21,but I have an old soul : ) )My mind was completely blown away by the documentary called Birth by Ricki Lake(former talk show host). I think it’s amazing Leonie that you are on this journey with your Little Mermaid and Chris. I wish you all the happiness in the world and blessings for you and your child.
leonie, i have visited your lovely site many times and felt compelled to comment today…was just talking with a friend today sharing our birth stories of our children. births are as unique and special as each one of us – and there is no right way. whatever way it happens for you will be your right way. i send you much love, light, and strength on your beautiful mama journey. warmly, s
oh baby girl. there is no normal. you are not different. we are all one: struggling, suffering, worrying, fluffing our nests. you have good tools and they will come to you when the time is just right for you, you don’t have to force them. this is buffalo medicine. fretting about your nest is perfect mommy business to be engaging in, and i also had to go through this letting go part. with miles, i was told at 26 weeks that i had a mild placenta previa and that i would likely have to schedule a c-section if he didn’t turn and pull the placenta up with him. he did it just in time, and my healthcare provider did advocate for my homebirth even though she was a traditional OB and was scared to death for me because of what she has seen in hospitals. she still believed in me and had faith that it could be done. there was a primal wild woman in her that was brave enough to hold space. i will hold space for you and mermie to come through birth just as it was always meant to be!
there is no changing it, you can only do what is in front of you to do my love. you are home. you are a wise woman. you are such a beautiful goddess, my friend.
everything is going to be okay. i promise!
so much love and big big hugs,
pixie
Leonie, you are never anything less than beautiful, and your personal normal is enough. Each birth is different, unique, and you have the right to birth your child any way you wish. Forget what others say to you.
Do what is normal for you. I understand from my own life the pain and frustration that comes with others seeing you differently. Ignore them, and trust yourself. Follow your own path, because it’s amazing and magical. I love reading your posts and what you do for women just astounds me and warms my heart. You are perfectly normal just the way you are!
Wow! This post was filled with so much wisdom I’ll have to read it again and again to glean everything from it. It is so easy to fall back into our insecurities and fears when we are going through major life changes – thanks for showing us the way out.
Dear Goddess Sister,
Welcome to the tribe of mothers, and welcome to the subset tribe of radical, shamaness, outrageous, pathfinder mamas. I am so happy to hear you are not believing the hype, belief systems and limiting agreements of the mass culture…as woman, as mama. You are being initiated into the great mysteries of the Divine Feminine, remember your roots…as you said, your being pregnant, birthing and becoming a mother ARE your spiritual life. And, you are NOT alone. There are many of us-just like you-with vibrant lives and rich learning experiences as birthers and mothers. Remember this, GRACE is EVERYWHERE…
We’ve got your back!
Eternal Love,
G
Ohhhh leonie, i wish i was there to give you a hug and say i *love you hun!*…….. i love you because your different……..well actually, no your not different 2 me anyway, your normal in my heart, your living how it should be!!!! – the wise woman way!!!!!! – everything *hippish* i resonate with, im a big hippy at heart!!!!! i love your work to death and everything you do……..all i can say is in praise of you….i think you are amazing, and you inspire me so so sooooooo much………….xxxxx
I’m glad you made the choice to stay true to yourself. Being normal is to me like being sheep..just following everyone else and not thinking for yourself.
Your story moved me deeply. I hope one day to be a wise woman mama too..I will remember you tale when I encounter the “normal” mothers to be.
Beautiful Leonie, thank you for sharing.
You are a true inspiration to all of us women out there in the wider world who feel what you feel, who never truly fitted in – but know deep down, we can not deny the truth in our hearts… or live any other way than how God created us to be.
Keep shining that wisdom and strength Beloved Goddess. You are leading us all with the brightness of your light. Never underestimate your power .. you are paving a new and better way for all women.
Sam (UK) xxx
*hugs*
As you can clearly see, darling Leonie, you are not alone. I don’t have any “crunchy” moms in my area either, but I always know I can find them online -stretching the globe in one big mama-hug. Never forget we’re out here…because the sea of normal doesn’t go away once the baby’s out, oh no. People will be genuinely astonished when you treat your infant like a person (listen and respond to their cries? what what?), you will get the most random advice from complete strangers, and there are books out there that will make you want to cry (and don’t even bother looking at “normal” parenting magazines!).
But there are people who share your values and honour your instincts, who will be inspired by the stories you tell and who will share their own with you (and not all horror stories, I promise!). Thank you so much for sharing this experience with all of us.
Much love from Canada!
Meg
Thank you for this! As someone who was also always the “weird girl,” this really struck a cord for me. Thank you for your honesty and for choosing to carve your own path in life. So many people would be so much happier if they did just that.
That was very nice. An inspiration to read.
xo
Jill
Dear Leonie,
My heart goes to you on your journey. You are travelling with much honour.
I found a similar dissonance between the ‘hospital’ thinking and the more intuitive world (which I was then discovering). I found many like-minded & sympathetic souls at pregnancy yoga classes. We had beautiful unique labouring and birthing stories told to us many a week, after women had their babies. Our wonderful teacher both taught us yoga and facilitated the supportive atmosphere.
Clearly, by the comments, this tribe of women/sisters has much in common with you and much support for your better kind of ‘normal’!
Much love to you,
Meg x o
Thank God you’re not normal, Leonie. We very likely wouldn’t all be here with you following your beautiful, bountiful journey if you were “normal.” Goddesses aren’t normal. Goddesses find their own way and lead the way for others. I think there are many negative birthing stories told because we get attached to the suffering and cling to fear. When you can just see these experiences for what they are — reflections of the fear that some women feel about their bodies and natural processes which sometimes include pain — and just feel compassion for them, the fear dissolves and holds no power. It’s only when we give fear power that it engulfs us. You will have a beautiful birth experience because that is what you will create, Fearless Goddess.
{{{hugs}}}
isn’t it interesting how there is a kind of ‘spiritual’ or ‘psychic’ CROWNING… well before the physical birth?
as if, with conscious effort, one is obliged to PUSH away all the detritus of old systems and flat thinking and humdrum ordinariness… with energy, focus, and emotion… in order to create the space needed to allow your own vision to really flow.
i’m not pregnant. and i don’t want children. but i do live with a rare chronic lifelong health condition – and am constantly butting up against the Sea of Normal, who would prefer to silence my clarity, purpose, and beliefs… and have me accept instead a false vision for my own life.
we are ALL birthing.
some physically,
some psychically,
some creatively.
there is so much POWER in allowing the deep feelings to surface – they speak so much about what is yearned for in the soul’s essence.
roar louder, if you need to.
Leonie, you are a wonderful light in the world. You never cease to amaze and inspire me. These words have touched me so deeply. My journey to losing myself and becoming normal began when I got married and was finalised when I had my first child. I only wish I had had the courage, insight and wisdom you do to guide me. Embrace the journey, cherish the wierd, and avoid the normal at all costs.
Love and hugs from me to you xxx
Leonie, thank you for these words…you are an inspiration to me.
Shelly