My head is flopsy.
I started this week with grand plans. I was going to be so creative! So productive! I felt powerful! On fire! Indefatigable!
And then… life happened.
My youngest kid who started this whole merry-go-round of sickness a month ago, and passed it merrily on to her daddy, her sister and me, then went for round 2 with it, and has been home for 8 days. (And of course, during pandemic times, I’d like to squeak: #notcovid just to reassure you! And if it WAS Covid, you’d bet your ASS I would blog all over that shit!)
And then I had to have an emergency dental visit which knocked me out on an ASD sensory front, and I’ve been hiding under a weighted blanket ever since.
And it shows me, once again, that:
Leonie = totally great when they are by themselves! Heroicly productive & creative! WATCH THEM FLY!
But as soon as life gets in the way: the brakes slam on, and they are back to recovering in a darkened room, exhausted and overstimulated and waiting for their system to come back online again.
Of course… I need outside life as well. And I enjoy the fuckkk out of it while I’m out there. But damnnnnn it comes at a cost to my sensory processing.
Other thoughts: I notice my brain is calmer after writing like this. But it is messier after recording a podcast episode where I am making up shit as I go. It feels like I have loose ends all over the place. I’ll have to experiment with different podcast formats and see what ones feel less fuzz-inducing on my brain. I enjoy talking shit, but not if it comes at the cost of extra fuzz I have to sort through because of it.
I saw some 10/10/10 journalling exercise on TikTok.
Should we try it now?
Sure, fuck it, why not.
10 Excited Desires
- I want to create some kind of regular ridiculous friend event. I used to do these all the time when I was child-free. I’d email a big bunch of random friends and issue ridiculous missions like: “Meet us at park at 12.30pm to FROLIC because it is finally 25 degrees and SPRING IS HERE, bitchez!” (and I would, in fact, force them to frolic!) or “You are hereby invited to eat Thai food, but ONLY if you bring three small pieces of paper with secrets written on them. They will be added to the Pink Hat of Secrets, and we will be taking turns reading out other people’s secrets over lunch. Non-secret-sharers will not be admitted.” And this merry group of good humans would show up – people from work, friends, people I’d met on buses (YES, I ABSOLUTELY TALK TO STRANGERS ON PUBLIC TRANSPORT). And they’d all make friends, and we’d have these hilarious, shouty, glorious & intimate lunch hours which were stupidly magical. Anyways, I miss that. I want to do shit like that again.
- One day, in the not so distant future, all FOUR of my family will be well again, and back at school, and I’ll be able to walk along the river with my love again, and admire the blue sky, and just enjoy his sweet company all by myself. AND run errands together. Gosh, won’t that be a miracle?
- I’m excited to get into bed tonight and read more comics on Tapas. My assistant just introduced me to it. I am so in love. COMICS GALORE. I feel like I’ve fallen into a new eco-system of creatives and it is MAGNIFICENT. In related news, goodbye forever, I’ve fallen into comics and won’t get out.
- I’m excited that it’s nearly the weekend and I can fall into a lump and recover.
- I’ve been giving myself the gift of reading a novel in the Bridgerton series each weekend. They really are delightful. This weekend: I’m reading #6. BOO YEAH.
- Related: I can’t WAIT to see how they unfold in their picturesque, sexy glory on Netflix as well. Series 1 was a goddamn FEAST for mine eyes. I can’t wait to behold them next series. And personally, I’m VERY excited to see both Colin and Eloise’s love stories on screen too.
- Only a week or so left of summer. I am SO DAMN KEEN for some cooler weather. Granted: we don’t live in a cold place. We are firmly sub tropical. What it means though is autumn-spring weather is pretty much perfect, and summer can get hot. We’ve lived in far hotter & far colder places than this, so I appreciate the mildness. I’m just super keen to a) wear leggings again and b) not have to change my bra three times a day because SWEATTTT.
- I have a LOT of things I want to write about. I am excited to write!
- One day I would like to walk in a forest in Scotland and down a cobbled street in England. I’ve never given a single fuckkkkkkkk about returning to the mother country when I was younger. But as soon as I hit 35… BAMMMM. I’ve got a deep longing to go back to land of my ancestors, probably while wearing a leather backpack and sensible walking sandals. And I wrote that part as a joke, and then realised with a start: I just bought the backpack. AND the sandals. Dear lord. I AM OFFICIALLY MIDDLE AGED.
- I’m excited to go on a road trip sometime, somewhere, whenever the time is right. Just the open road! New things! New routine! New land to gulp in.
- The dentist I had yesterday was kind. I disclosed that I was ASD and have sensory processing issues, and she was considerate and gentle. AND they let me choose what to watch on the overhead TV… I chose Bridgerton. HO HO HO. Honestly, it was better than any painkiller. Highly recommend that experience!
- One of my kids has a new teacher at the moment & it’s making her LIIIIIIIFE, and it’s also making my life. Having super special teachers who are wildly excitable about education is a healing miracle to behold.
- I’m starting to feel more like a local, tiny bit by tiny bit. It takes its time to be known and build micro-relationships in a community. This week has been lovely for that: I ran into someone I’ve known online for 8 years or so. And the receptionists at my usual healer clinic were like “Leonie! What’s been happening!” Then the receptionist at the dental surgery was serendipitously someone I met a year ago at a kid’s birthday party, and we’d had a cracking laff together. And the sweet checkout boy at the chemist was like “HELLO! I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN AGES!” All of this was sweet and comforting.
- I’m reading so many wonderful things lately: books and blogs and comics and newspapers. And I’m just buzzing with gratitude that people are making cool shit and putting it out into the world. It is wildly nourishing.
- I’m so so so so so so fucking grateful I decided to do 21 Day Challenges. Just this last 21 days of being social media free has changed my life. I know I keep talking about it, and I’m going to keep talking about it. Because it’s a goddamn fucking MIRACLE.
- We’ve had issues with a leaking roof since we’ve moved in, and getting by with temporary fixes, but we’re finally getting the issue fixed properly with something or other. It has a name, but I tuned out. All I know is: workmen have been on our roof for three days this week and then there will be NO LEAKS.
- Having a nearly 11 year old is really, really fun. I just like these glimpses of the person she is becoming. She’s still a kid but she’s sassier and getting more thoughtful and worldly. I like her. (I’m sure teen years will be developmentally trickier, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it! For right now: much gladness for THIS!)
- Still eternally grateful to be in a relatively Covid-free country. Oof, it’s been a YEAR. But I’m glad for disease prevention.
- I’m in a really happy groove at the moment with my business. I love what I’m doing. I love what I’m making. I love my clients. I love my assistant. I love my bonus assistant who is helping us out with customer service at the moment. It’s a wonderful, wonderful feeling.
- I’m so excited and grateful to be starting Sales Star next week. I love making new things! This one has been on the agenda for so long, and people have been demanding it for years, so it’s good to get it done & out in the world.
10 Things I Love Doing
- Writing writing writing
- Reading reading reading
- Art journaling art journaling art journaling
- Learning learning learning
- Partying like it’s 1999 with my coven of hags but only until 9:30pm and then BED
- Sitting on the verandah
- Noticing beauty. Light hitting leaves is like rapturous enlightenment.
- Documenting beauty.
- Playing Catan (current obsession)
- Reading books in the bath.
Right. Well, that feels better.
I’m glad I did that!
Thanks for being here boo boos.
Me hearts you,