(this photo has nothing to do with this post. or maybe everything to do with it. photo of me at age 14, sunset at the farm.)

“I read it in six weeks”,

she said.

“Oh. I’m only up to page 26. I can’t get past that point. Maybe that’s all I need to know right now.”

I replied.

But dutifully still, I wrote on my Things To Do This Life List:

Finish “Women Who Run With The Wolves.”

Seven years have passed.

I haven’t read a single page more.

And you know, I half suspected there was something I needed to change about me. Something that I needed to do different. Someone I needed to be in order to be the person that could read Women Who Run With The Wolves in six weeks.

*

Then this year came.

THIS will be the year I read this book, I decide fervently.

I write it on my Things To Do This Life list.

I knuckle down.

And a page in,

I realise:

I do not need to read this book.

Do I dare trust that voice?

Trust the wisdom that says:

I am whole right now? I have what I need right now?

I hold the book in my hands:

this slightly weathered, yellowing book now.

And I breathe in its pages.

I say:

Whatever you have to teach me, please tell me now.

And its answer is simple:

Let it go. You are already a wild woman.

*

I don’t need to achieve anymore. Don’t need to be a slave to my to do list.

It can be a place of power instead.

I mark things off it when they are done,

or simply when I am done with them,

and am choosing another path.

*
There is a power to Giving It Up.

A couple of weeks ago on a call, a gorgeous soul asked me:

“I’m trying to decide what to put on my list this year. I’m getting stuck on what I should be doing, and I don’t really know what I want to be doing.”

And I paused.

“Whatever you don’t want to do, take it off.
Just keep the stuff that fills you up, and lights you up.
I’m constantly editing my list and my dreams.”

Some things just don’t fit anymore.

*

Marissa the magical assistant once said something wise about this… this is how I remember it:

I looked at my bucket list

and saw

“Run a half marathon on there”

and I thought

“What the fuck? I don’t want to run a marathon! That’s someone else’s dream!
So I crossed it off my list. It doesn’t belong to me.”

*

I trust that everything I need to know will be taught to me, will be gifted to me, and it will be an easy state of learning, not a place of drudgery and push.

I talked to my dear mentor Debra yesterday.

And just hearing her stories, her sharings on what it’s like to have cancer, what it’s like to decide not to die, what it’s like to gather with women on the shores of Maui. Those are the stories that feed my soul right now. That’s what I needed.

Here I am, world.

Open and alive.

Choosing the right things.

*

We can choose, and choose again.

Pruning away the old dreams that no longer need us,

and find the ones that do.

*

It’s the Power of Giving It Up.

always love,

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