Life is changing and turning at such a rapid rate for me right now.
It’s not just life – it’s me, my soul, my business, my family.
I’ve changed so much in the last few years.
I’ve let go of my old job. Let go of maidenhood and underwent the initiation of birth and became a mama. Let go of sleep and my life before baby. Let go of the city I adored living in to move back to my homelands.
I’ve healed from a harrowing vision quest of Post Natal Depression.
I wrote a book.
I’ve let go of old family relationships. I’ve unwound from a whole bundle of patterns, and healed a lifetime of issues.
I’ve let go of my old identity of “Goddess Leonie”.
I’ve let go of a lot.
And I’ve also received so much.
I’m wiser + stronger + clearer than I’ve ever been.
I make decisions easier. I feel happier + more at ease.
While the last few years have been at times tumultuous, and sometimes traumatic, I am so grateful it happened.
The transformation has rendered me a new person in so many ways.
Here, on the other side of the chrysalis, things are different, and beautiful.
Still the same old Leonie… but different.
I don’t think I could ever go back to the person I used to be. It’s impossible.
I am the shift of sand dunes touched by ocean waves, my inner quartz crafted and polished by the winds and tides of my life.
I cannot be un-polished. I cannot be un-touched. I cannot be made younger.
I was afraid of disappointing people before. Happier to be a chameleon, shifting my colours, moulding my shape to fit in with what was needed. That mantra of: I must not upset anyone. I must not make them feel unloved. I must not force them to look at their own shit.
And now I’m not.
I won’t change my change, or alter my spots. I will not be soft instead of strong. I will not tone it down. I will not be available, unless it is right and true and good for me to be available. I will not forsake my own needs anymore.
(And I feel compelled to say: I’m a mama. I still have a wee button that requires ginormous amounts of time and energy from me. And I still find a way to get my needs met.)
The last few years of my life felt like a vast initiation for both me + my love.
The one we needed to traverse to get where we needed to be.
And by the grace of Great Spirit, here we are. Right where we are.
The light at the end of the tunnel brought us here, to Cairns, to the most incredible place I’ve ever been blessed to live. Here to stay in a treehouse in the rainforest and be healed, for the ruptures in our energy to be soothed over.
It’s begun to claim a piece of my heart, this place. A piece I didn’t realise was unavailable until now.
And much sooner than we ever expected, we fall head over heels in love with an acreage in the mountains with a stunning, sprawling home that I call Paradise House. With an open fireplace and wooden floors and high vaulted wooden ceilings and a pool and a spa and a gorgeous office… all looking over the rainforest.
It has become an act of grace, faith + courage – all of this. This life, this business, this way of making decisions.
Paradise House is the third house we looked at, before I walk out saying to my love “It’s ours, it’s ours, it’s ours… I am in LOVE with it.”
And we secure it in the nick of time – my husband tells me soon after that we need to make an offer on it NOW. And we call, and they accept… and we find out later they had interested buyers in their house right at that exact moment… buyers who were having their second look through… buyers who were ushered out of the house with a “Sorry… the house isn’t for sale any longer.”
I know in my heart that if my husband hadn’t listened to that incredible intuition of his, it wouldn’t be ours.
And then a few days ago… we have the most incredible experience of our lives.
The owners invite us up to Paradise House… as a kind of “welcome to the land” ceremony.
And they are the most beautiful, living example of love, joy, spirit and abundance ever. They were SO in love with each other. And had utterly beautiful, shining kids. And they are reiki practitioners… who built the house with the intention of running spiritual workshops there.
So this beautiful gorgeous home that is coming to us has already been awash with twenty years of love, wisdom + upliftment. It’s had relationship workshops around the open fire (“The room felt like a womb!” he said). It’s had reiki teachers doing their sacred work. It’s had energy + life + dreams woven through it.
There were so many a-ha moments being with them. So many moments when I had tears in my eyes.
I feel extraordinarily gifted and honoured to be receiving the blessing of their home. For me, the family who built it are the perfect embodiment of the values that we strive to live in our lives… of family, soul, entrepreneurship, happiness + self development.
When we got home that night and Ostara was all tucked up snoring little baby snores in bed, we held hands and talked and got teary for hours upon hours.
This special house and land feels like the reward for the initiation of the last two years. The universe paying us back for getting through it, and for doing the work necessary to evolve out of old habits.
In a month, we’ll bid adieu to the blessing of the treehouse… our lilypad that we leapt on to… and move up the mountain… to Paradise House… and all the dreams to follow.
We’ll buy gumboots and make a big vege patch. We’ll eat bananas and passionfruit from just outside the back door. We’ll jump in the pool and curl up by the fire. I’ll make myself the most beautiful office a girl could ever want. We’ll run up the slope to that old big tree, the one that I saw myself sitting under, and knew that I belonged here. We’ll go horse riding at the place just down the road. We’ll have friends visit, and we’ll take them to the butterfly sanctuary to be danced upon by thousands of turquoise butterflies. We’ll have private coaching retreats at the house, and I’ll help earth angels share their message with the world. We’ll stretch out on the sand of the coast, and exhale at the beauty. We’ll keep building our life, sound and true and good.
I’ll make friends and meet kindred, and we’ll find the mama-and-babe tribe we’ve been craving. We’ll laugh at just how good things can be.
After all that, there is this.
I needed to let go of all of that to clear the space for this.
For the dream to be born.
An incredible business.
An incredible life.