Beach steps, July 2004, by Chris

Realised over the past few days how much I unfairly beat myself up over the little things.

It took me an exam and the reflection of myself in a friend to see this.

I got my marks back for my economic history mid semester exam – a distinction.

(Marks range from Fail – Pass – Credit – Distinction – High Distinction)

I saw that there was about ten in my class higher placed than me.

A little voice inside me said

“You should have done better. If only you’d studied more. If only you didn’t put your attention onto everything else. You could have got a high distinction. You SHOULD have got a high distinction. If only you weren’t so disorganised…”

So I felt disappointed in myself.

Isn’t it funny how we allow our little self voice to tell us so many demeaning things…

would we allow someone else to speak to us like that?

Hell no!

If someone else said that to me, I would growl like a dog to protect my inner self.

I would tell them to rack off, a distinction was more than good enough.

I’d tell them that I refused to let study and the pursuit of perfect marks

overwhelm and over run my life.

I’d say how many other aspects of life are so passionate and intriguing that I cannot be belted to the one thing.

And yet I allow my inner voice to say it?

Then I read dear Lisa Marie’s blogger, about beating herself up for not being the perfect teacher… and I told her to be gentle with herself, that good is GOOD ENOUGH and perfection is unnecessary.

Yes, ahem, *cough cough*… advice I should be giving myself, yes.

So it took my reaction, and then my reflection in a friend to see a part of me which needs healing.

Lisa Marie and I have now unofficially, informally and dishevelledly set up Perfectionists Non-Anonymous…. Read her post on it here.

We decided that twelve steps is two overwhelming, so our premise is thus:

1.) Love yourself.

2.) As SARK would say, be “splendidly imperfect.”

So here I am… taking mini steps to the embracing of imperfection.