Typing this one handed as one arm is now a bed for Little Mermaid.
The other day, Chris came back into our bedroom holding Ostara after changing her nappy, and he had the widest, glowingest smile on his face.
“I just called her daughter” he said.
“That was the first time.”
We are all slowly adjusting to changed sleep, breastfeeding and routines. Some mornings I wake up crying from tiredness, some mornings I wake up feeling as bright and shiny as a daisy. And it is the biggest Buddhist lesson ever: Each moment only once. Each feeling passes. I don’t need to stay attached to them.
And then I look at Ostara, and I remember:
She’s only little like this just once. She only needs me this much right this moment.
And she is so beautiful. And so precious. And she feels just like she felt in my ocean womb.
I am still writing her birth story. It is long, and filled with many miracles.
This is us… the day after her birth. With Charlie ears and all… I love us…
We are moving!!!!!!!!!
Our house will be on the market soon, and we are setting sail to our homelands… the Whitsundays in North Queensland… 2000 kilometres away.
We thought we’d do this at the end of this year… but our spirits are calling us to make a change sooner… and have our Little Mermaid close to her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins… and to the land that makes our souls sing. It is so beautiful there.
I’m also feeling a little bit of fear because it’s a big change to make… we are leaving public service work to head back to a small town in the tropics… but I totally believe in my business and how much it can support us… and I also believe in living a simpler, richer life in the country.
As always, I have to have courage and faith… to really walk my talk, and live my biggest dreams.
Watch this space, gorgeous goddesses… this is one big dream coming true!
One big thing I’ve learned from mamahood so far:
Intuition over doctrine.
Listen to what your child wants before deciding what feels right for him or her.
For me – I read the Continuum Concept before Little Mermaid was born and decided I’d always wear her in a sling with her. This meant we didn’t buy a pram for her at all before she was born.
Anyway, we tried slings. We bought five different kinds of slings. I tried them. Chris tried them. And right now, they just aren’t quite right for our Little Mermaid. Little Mermaid likes her mermaid tail to be out *s t r a i g h t*, not all curled up in a sling. She is happy to be in a sling for a little bit, but not a long bit.
So yesterday, we went and brought The Pram… the one that I so feared getting lest it made me a Normal-ite.
But you know what? What I most needed was not to be strict to some outside idea. All I need to listen to is my little one, and hear what she needs.
And she needed a place she could stretch out quietly and have a little mermaid sleep.
Today was our first outing in the pram. I insisted on getting one with a handle that faced her so I could always check in with her. We hung a soft lavendar ruby cloth to remind her of womb space. And guess what? Little Mermaid was in slumber land within a moment of landing in The Pram, and was asleep for the longest time.
A win for listening to what little one wanted, and not a book.
A little slingy nap with the Little Mermaid…
We are still co-sleeping though… and loving it. It works so beautifully for us. I adore nothing more than waking up to see Little Mermaid & Hunky Soul Love just across from me.
We tried one night of bassinette sleeping. It lasted an hour before it was back to the Big Happy Family Bed.
I keep thinking of posts at 3am to write in my head. I can’t remember them, but maybe across DreamLand dreamings, you’ll hear them anyway.
I can’t imagine a world without Ostara in it.
Did I mention we are moving? And my heart is singing happy because of it?