Self Portrait, by the lake, at dawn.
Hola gorgeous Goddesses!
Today, I wanted to share a little bit of a soul-round up from my journey: The Good parts & The Big Medicine (aka those big lessons). It’s a little way for my to check in about where I’m at ~ and as always, you can connect in with your Goodness & Big Medicine.
Holy adorable Angel batman!
Finding our sweet Angel was our miracle this week.
Then bringing her home and falling in love with her silliness, kind-heartedness and whole-body-tail-wags has been our second miracle.
If Charlie is our Healer Dog, Angel is definitely our Happy Fairy.
There’s nothing like being awoken by your face being jumped on and pommelled with insistent puppy kisses to make a day a good one.
I can definitely see myself adopting a whole tribe of animals just so I can fall in love with every one of them. For some reason, adopting Angel has made me want to populate the world with a small army of little Leonie & Christians. Or at the very least, having a really, really large animal family. hee!
Creative Goddess journey amazingness
The Creative Goddess eCourse Circle closed today. While it is an ending, it’s also a beginning. And it’s the spiral of a journey that has been transformational and amazing and insightful and deep and touching and wild and wonderous and radiant and delicious. And that was just for me… just to witness the *incredible* bloomings of the Goddesses who were undertaking the course and participating in the circle. Holy moly, it has been divine and rich.
So we give thanks for the sacred cycle of the circle. We offer the energy back into the winds. We feel gratitude for every goddess we have circled with, connected with, been inspired by. And we witness all the magic and miracles that has happened. And we know that this way, beauty comes. When one part of our journey ends, something new begins. Miracles all the way, baby!
And in saying that… here’s something new and beautiful just happened for me…
This week, I was invited to be a part of a women’s circle. It’s been two years – maybe longer – since I’ve gone to a circle that I haven’t lead. When I got the invitation, I did the happiest little happy dance. Circles are precious. So are women. Last night I stayed out long past midnight, participating in the most wonderfully irreverent circle I’ve been too. I think the crowning moments were tribal drumming and impromptu ecstatic dancing to Elton John’s “Rocket Man”, then belting out a Whitney Houston song on SingStar. Funny, sacred, irreverent, blessed. Perfectly needed.
The Big Medicine.
I also reserve the right to call this the Hard Shit when the medicine is really, really full on. And this week, it is.
So I’m calling it:
The Hard Shit.
The Hard Shit this week has been all the lessons from the last month coming back AGAIN. I’m now starting to think: Hello? Haven’t I dealt with you already? But I haven’t. Because otherwise they wouldn’t be here. All the depleted-to-nothing-energy-levels, frustration, overwhelm and anxiety of a whole lot of things and not much at all has folded itself over and triple-treated me to an intense week.
And then I found a lump on my breast.
I think it’s one of those terrible, painful, fearful, archetypal moments of a woman’s life. Every woman worries about it. And when it does happen… the heart begins to race, and every terrible thought flights into the mind. And in my case, I had a massive panic attack.
Since then, I’ve been listening to the lump. Talking to it. Asking it what it needs from me. Finding out what lessons I need to learn from it. Doing what I can to heal. Having a wonderful coaching/soul therapy session about it with Shannon Wilkinson. Listening, listening, listening.
And most importantly:
placing priority back on me.
Remembering I need to Receive too. That I need to listen to this beautiful body of mine – not sometimes but always. That I need to feel radiant in my precious self and precious body.
And give myself what I need.
Over and over again.
Also in journeying forward into health, I’ve been to my doctors and will be getting a boob ultrasound. I’m hoping it will show up as a cyst and I can work on dissolving it with love, nutrition, vitality and healing. And if it isn’t a cyst – I’ll be doing the same anyway.
When I told a dear friend that I was in deep fear that it could be cancer, she said:
And you know what babe? Even if it is, things won’t change – we’ll just get you really healthy and healing, and we’ll kick its ass. We’re gunna be okay.
And we are. I am going to be okay.
So for right now…
Right now all these lessons and experiences are washing over my life.
Right now there are moments when I’m feeling that it’s not okay, and I’m not resisting that. I’m just allowing it.
Right now I know that I’ll look back sometime in the future, and see that this moment, this week, this part of my life and see how needed it is and how perfect it is.
Right now I give myself permission to not actually feel that. To not always know it. To not always feel like I’ve got it all together. To not always feel okay.
To give myself some space – and some grace – to be every part of me – light, shadow, pain, sadness, hope.
From all my lumpy parts ~ to yours ~