Yesterday morning, I was all set to go with a blog post about our 2010 Goddess Goals and Theme. And I pressed publish, all happy with myself for getting it done and out there (getting anything done feels like a huge success now I’m a mama!)
Anyhewsles, an hour later, Great Spirit says to me:
you must write this. now.
And I was all
Ummm, okay Great Spirit. But I’ve just blogged. I can write this and publish later this week, no?
The answer was strong.
No. People need this now.
Who am I to try to reason with Great Spirit about blog publishing times?
And then Lil Mermaid must have been working with Great Spirit, because she feel asleep in the sling soon after. So I set my laptop upon a box, swaying Lil Mermaid, and with listening, waiting, fumbling hands, took dictation from Great Spirit.
I didn’t read it over. I just trusted.
And pressed Publish.
For the last 24 hours I’ve been brought to tears over the comments and emails. My heart has opened and widened and opened some more.
It made me believe all over again that each of us have a thousand angels. That we are all fish swimming in an ocean of love. That sometimes we forget that because we are so immersed in it – I think fish would forget sometimes that there is water all around them too.
All I know is we are all in this together. That we are walking this path together as sisters and brothers (I was utterly delighted to hear from two of our beautiful spirit brothers yesterday. Go goddess guys!)
So I’m feeling grateful and touched by all of you. So incredibly much. Thank you for being you. Thank you for bring a part of my tribe.
I was just whispering to Lil Mermaid that most of all, I want every soul in this world, babies and us big people alike, that we are worthy of love.
That is what I wish for for you. For you and me to know this to be true:
You are worthy.
You are already loved.
You are so utterly, divinely worthy.
What to do…
Now, the next question is this… One a beautiful, talented goddess just asked me…
I’m feeling all those things. What do I do about it?
Question of the year. A golden question.
How on Earth do I share in a way that could possibly help?
I could make up a list of hippy dippy flippity floppity things that every man and his rainbow dog yarps on about (Sit outside in nature! Watch a sunset! Go on a retreat!) and sure, those things totally work. But they are probably not very helpful to you right now.
So instead, I can only share where I have found my big medicine: in my own life.
I so hope these stories help, heal or awaken a little something, dearest heart. I love you and you deserve goodness.
Get a cup of tea and I will share the medicine that has got me through my own dark nights of the soul.
Giving birth was the most intense initiation of my life. The only way I could get through it was to enter each wave breathing. I am deep breathing in. I am deep breathing out. The only thing I could control was my breath. And control it I did. Breathing in: 1 2 3 4. Breathing out: 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1. (When you count backwards from 8, you really try to get to 1 by extending your breath. And when your exhales are substantially longer than your inhales, they trigger relaxant hormones. Holy dinger I have become a fan of nice hormones!) I learned by HAVING TO DO IT that breathing deeply and slowly is the best pain medication and tension reliever there is. Even now, I just do my breathe-by-numbers and it stops impending flip outs.
If breathing by numbers can help a woman get through an incredibly intense labour, what could it do for you when you need it?
I know, I know. Breathing.
It’s as boring as batshit.
But when it’s the only thing you’ve got?
What would happen if the next time everything sucked you started breathing by numbers?
And you didn’t just breathe, you became your breath? 1 2 3 4. 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1…
You breathed until the moment passed, and everything changed again. You breathed a hole into the cloak, you breathed a space of possibility for a tiny glow of light to come play in. You breathed until it was better.
What could that possibly be like?
I have more to share about what’s worked for me. I’ll write more this week.
But for now, I want to hear from you.
What gets you through dark nights of the soul?
What advice – small or big – can you give to another beautiful soul who is in pain or lost?
Tell me in the comments dearest heart. Let’s create a big medicine bag together… and share in each other’s wisdom.
You know James and the Giant Peach?
What if we all travelled around in a giant heart instead and had tea parties in there?
Love you just like that,