1. It is 5am. Little Mermaid has woken me up with big mermaid kicks, and an insatiable need for Corn Flakes. So here I am, mug of mama-goddess-belly tea in hand, writing to all my loved ones. I will go back to bed once the sun rises and see if I can nap some more.
2. My love’s grandmother passed away on the weekend. As a new generation prepares to enter the world, an elder generation passes.
I give thanks to Great Spirit.
Thank you, Chris’ grandmama… for helping bring my love into the world. He is the greatest blessing in my life, and the most beautiful man I have ever known.
Tomorrow, we drive down to Victoria for a gathering of his family and tribe. Things feel very big and profound all at once.
3. My love says:
I am seeing the beginning of life and the end of life all at once.
Our days are filled with birthing workshops, and midwives and doulas. And since Little Mermaid turned breech, acupuncturists and moxa sticks and walking and baths and breech tilts and hypnosis meditations.
Yesterday, I felt a shift. I went to see a midwife to see if Little Mermaid was swimming back down into the ocean depths again. The midwife was sweet, but thought she was still breech. I walked out saying to my love “It’s okay if I am wrong… but I really don’t think she is right.” Later that day, we went back, and I got two older, more experienced midwives to check… and I was right.
4. Everyday, I am witnessing and learning some of the strongest medicine I have ever known.
Medicine of trust, faith, courage and inner wisdom.
Medicine of bringing everything I’ve ever believed in – joy, optimism, possibility, and the idea I can do anything – into reality.
Thank you Great Spirit. For all the big, and the hard, the good and the true.
Everytime I lose my faith, I find it again, and it has tripled.
Pregnancy has been one of the most difficult and challenging experiences of my life. From awful morning sickness to losing faith and courage to massive soul transformations to weird-crazy-crap happening.
And I’ve come to realise… maybe this is gifting me strength and courage… maybe this is who I need to grow into to become Little Mermaid’s mama. Maybe this is who I need to be, and maybe this is how it needed to happen. For me, for Little Mermaid, for this world.
5. The sun is slowly rising.
It is time to return back to bed.
From my heart to yours… I want you to know… that even if your days are filled with clarity, lack of clarity, beginnings, endings, loss, faith, no-faith, balance, excess, loneliness, love… and all the things in between…
that everything is good, everything is true.
that you are loved, that you are held.
that everything will work out okay, even if you can’t see that right now.
that for a big, deep reason, you need to be where you are right now – even when that place feels awful. And that where you are right now will give you choices and options and possibilities. And at the end of the day? You will get to a place that is bigger, deeper and more beautiful than you can ever imagine right now. This medicine is guiding you forth, healing you whole, and teaching you how to become even more of the divine, wise, courageous, loving, bright-shining you.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
I believe in you, and I believe in everything around you.
You are becoming who you need to be…