Dearest possum pie,
This is probably the most random thing I’ve ever written. AND THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING.
Also, potentially one of the greatest. Also: THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING.
It’s a whole bunch of shit that I think about before going to sleep and I think
“Oh, I should write to them and tell them!”
“Them” being you. My peeps. My tribe.
This is like being in my brain.
It’s a fun, exotic, kooky place. It always amuses me.
Also: happy anniversary to my ridunkulously handsome/spunky/sage husband. It’s our 12 year snogaversary and our 2 year wedding anniversary today. He’s my favourite dreamboat/teacher/student/muse/soulmate/best friend. I had no idea (maybe an inkling) that that hot IT guy at work would be my future husband and impregnator. We celebrated our special day by helping my parents-in-law change light bulbs this morning, and this afternoon I’ve buggered off down the mountain to a cafe to do some writing. And I (of course) forgot my wallet. So he ended up driving all the way down the mountain to give it to me. I thanked him with a public snog and perve. He has nice legs and a nice heart and I like that in a man.
ANYWAYS.
May I present to you: A Cornucopia of Fucking Random + Delightful!
THE LEONIE DICTIONARY OF WORDS
I often get people say “Erm WTF didjajustsay? Is that English?”
Nope… it’s Leonie-ism. My special own lil creative, rambunctious language.
And because you are my BFFs, I’m sending you the decoder to it.
Behold, this is what the shit I say means.
THE LUSH + LYRICAL LIST OF LEONIE LANGUAGE (BECAUSE ALLITERATION IS FUN!!)
Radfest = so rad it’s like an orgasm of radness.
Gigglesnort = when you get the giggles so hard you snort. I’m not judging you for it. I do it too.
Ridunkulous = ridiculous. As in: ridunkulous good.
OMFG = Oh My Flowering Genius. Oh hang on, nope, that’s not it. OHMYFUCKINGGOD!
ERMAGERD = OMG = Oh My Gawd!
Dobleros = Moolah = Money = Gold Coinage.
ICGLTASS = I Could Give Less Than A Single Shit = I don’t believe I care much for that.
Hunky Love = Hottest Man On The Planet = My Husband.
Holy dinger = Holy crap = Term of surprise or intense emotion
WADDAFA = WTF = Why The Face (a little Modern Family joke there for those of you playing along at home).
That’s So Unicorn Right Now = Holy Fuck I LOVE IT!
Laydeez = Ladies = Womenfolk = Dear Sisters Of The Holy Vagina
#ladyboner = I do believe I find that very attractive.
knackered = Australian-ese for “golly gosh I am tired!”
fortnight = Australian/Queen’s English for two weeks (i.e. “I get a #ladyboner at every fortnight at least”)
My guilty pleasure website:
Buzzfeed. SERIOUSLY. SO FUNNY.
Other (not so guilty) pleasures that I will never, ever apologise for:
- I don’t watch any movies except romantic comedies that have a happy ending.
Most movies (including kid’s movies) are too scary for me. I fucking LOVE formulaic, bland movies. I get too emotionally involved and distraught if it doesn’t have a happy ending. My brain just doesn’t GET that it’s not real life. - I read a LOT of romance novels.
It’s like taking a brain holiday, otherwise I’m all switched on entrepreneur brain 24/7. I read about 85% Victorian romance, 10% Western romance, 5% assorted trashy smut. It’s pretty much the greatest ever. (Last year, I read over 200!) - I read fan fiction.
Here’s how that goes: I get obsessed with a movie or a TV show. I think about it a lot. Consider the relationships and deeper meanings of everything. Read up on all of the characters/trivia/miscellaneous on Wikipedia. Consume every piece of Fan Fiction there is available. - I have an addictive personality.
I’m a Scorpio which happens to be the most addiction-riddled star sign. I happened to miss the predilection drugs/grog/smokes though. My predilection instead is to reading/specific food textures/superfoods/creating/obsessing over TV shows and movies.
BRITCOM SHOWS YOU SHOULD WATCH
When Marissa was here for our first team planning retreat, we gleefully introduced her to the plethora of British TV comedy shows that we love and adore.
And honestly?
It think Britcom is so dang underrated. It’s funny + dry + weird + delightful.
Here’s the ones I reckon you should start with:
She’s pretty much my best friend ever. If you don’t love this show and squee over it, we probably can’t be friends. I’m sorry, but THAT is how strongly I feel about this show.
This is probably one of my favourite moments on TV. EVER. It’s like she can SEE INTO MY SOUL:
Honestly? Even just watching Episode 1 of Series 1 is enough. It’s like the best movie ever made just in that.
There’s romance! And comedy!
But you’ll keep watching. Because it’s bloody irresistible. Perfect characters. Perfect lines. Perfect everything.
#BRINGBACKGAVINANDSTACEY!
When I met my hunky love, he was the IT guy at my work.
This is the greatest IT department show ON THE PLANET.
There’s drama! There’s love! There’s kindness! There’s made up words! There’s stunning scenery! There’s sexual chemistry between peeps in their 40s that’s kind of riveting and hard to look away from.
It’s all there!
My hunky love found this show for me because (in his words) “I wanted to find you something light and quiet and gentle for you to relax and enjoy.” #ladyboner for his thoughtfulness!
And it is. It’s kind of like if Sheldon Cooper got older + moved to Britain + fell in love with a school teacher.
It’s like watching porcupines trying to cuddle each other. It’s real + stunning + awkward.
I don’t know why I’m so obsessed by it but I am.
I love the whole idea of two people trying desperately to love each other and being so effing flawed and baggage-ridden.
Modern Day Pride and Prejudice, with significantly less Colin Firth. But Martin Clunes IS oddly sexy. So there is that.
I GUESS IF I’M TALKING TV, I SHOULD SAY WHAT OTHER SHOWS I LOVE
But I can’t be assed linking to them. So if you’re really called, you can play LMGTFY.
New Girl.
Beyond perfect. I thought it was way too hipster for me judging from the ads. But NO! It’s actually funny + smart + spunky + delicious!
Arrested Development.
And YAY! They are doing another season! At LONG LAST!
Community
Adorable. Full adorable.
The Office
Both UK + US editions. But I’m more obsessive about the US version because it’s a longer term obsession.
Pam + Jim = Pim forevaaa!
The Voice Australia.
But only during the turn-the-chairs rounds. After that I just start getting depressed about all the people who are getting kicked out. That’s the point in time I start reverting back to reading the latest Tessa Dare romance novel on my Kindle and saying ICGLTASS.
MY SACRED MANTRA:
Fuckem.
If someone doesn’t like me/my work/my ideas/my overexcitable personality/that they think I’m a sellout/that they think I’m annoying or weird/how I look/who I am/that I swear/that I’m pretty much a happy labrador in a human body?
Fuckem.
I don’t believe for one single second that I am supposed to be anyone but Leonie.
I really, really fucking LOVE being Leonie. I love being her best friend. I think she is funny as shit and smart and a determined motherfucker and an all round good person.
I’m okay if other people don’t see that. What they think of me ain’t none of my damn business.
What is my damn business is being who I am and loving the shit out of me (which is pretty damn easy, really!)
I don’t believe my personality/body/anything should be any different. I was born this way for a reason. And I believe and trust in that reason.
And of course, I’m totally down with optimising shit and healing my own stuff.
But I don’t do it because I’m not good enough or that I need to change in order to be loved.
I do it because I love to heal and grow.
All it does is bring me closer to myself.
And I love that.
THE END
Was that the greatest or was that the greatest?
Now get out there and go ask out that hot girl/guy you’ve been perving on for ages.
I did. It was the best thing I ever did.
All my love + courageous fist-pumps,
