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tai chi full moon goddess

i met chris for lunch.
i said:

all my life i have been good. very good.
i did exactly what people thought was the right thing for me to do.
at every step in the road, i have known what to do and what was next.

a daily guru email this morning struck me deeply.

it said:

“If you see your path laid out in front of you — Step one, Step two, Step three — you only know one thing… it is not your path. Your path is created in the moment of action. If you can see it laid out in front of you, you can be sure it is someone else’s path. That is why you see it so clearly.”

~ Joseph Campbell

What? No one to follow? Now that’s a scary thought!

And yet, that’s what life asks each of us to do – to chart our own path. We are each unique. We’re told our uniqueness is our gift to the world. And so why would we even want to follow in someone else’s footsteps?

Can we trust ourselves to carve our own trail?

the “right path” ahead i saw before isn’t MY path. it’s not the way i want to l i v e.

chris said to me some time back that everyone should be naughty at some stage in their life. go against the grain. do exactly as you please without accommodating others. he did it, and he was glad for it. and he said to me: “you know, you’ve never really been naughty. you’ve always been the one with things under control, with everything perfect and right. you knew what to do. you’ve had “good jobs” (i.e. office jobs) ever since you were 18. what next?”

his words surprised me at the time. i hadn’t thought about it like that before. he was right. i had never left space in my life for inconsistencies. i never had to dig deep because my career path was carved. i never truly asked myself what i wanted to be.

and now there is unsettle in me. i’m digging the dirt. i wonder what it would be like for six months to do something else. maybe longer.

i said to him:

you know, mermie paints rocks.
i would really like to paint rocks too.

i feel like there isn’t enough time space in my life for things to grow. for me to be surprised and adventurous.

i’m not sure what will happen from here.

there is a life out there that i am dreaming up and dreaming of.
i want to grab it.

at the moment when people ask me what “i do”… i say i’m a full time public servant, a part time university student and i have a creative business on the side (that usually gets squeezed out coz of time).
and people always say back: wow, that’s a lot of stuff.

i would like to say:

i paint rocks.
i take pictures.
i paint.
i write.
sometimes i work in a bookstore.

change is afoot.
not only is it afoot, but i am running on this big, beautiful earth.
running with the buffalo in search of my truth.


update on my “one new thing everyday project”

today i:
* did not turn my laptop on before i went to work {i usually scoff my breakfast over my laptop}
* i instead did tai chi in the morning while listening to enigma.
* did tai chi under the full moon. in a beanie and gloves and jumper in raquel’s goddess skirt. it was supposed to snow tonight, and there i was in the backyard, doing seranade to the full moon, humming songs to myself. {i highly recommend the experience}
* began painting my own moon cycle stick

what have you done NEW today?

how do you see your trail onwards?