Dear daughter of my heart, six-months-old-in-my-womb,
We have three more moons together, where you will be living in my womb, and we are only cells apart.
On July 7th, you came into this world, thirty years to the day that your grandmama & grandpapa pledged their love to each other.
And in a thousand, myriad, rainbow ways, you have changed me, you have changed your papa, and you have changed those who love us.
You feel like sunshine and starlight and laughter and music.
You sing of intuition and mermaids and Atlantis and ancient wisdom and goodness.
You make me believe all the more in miracles, in love, and what we are each here for…
to be the very best part of ourselves.
And you my darling… when you came into my world, I was cleansed clean…
and I glimpse within myself more lightness, truth, love and clarity than I had before.
And it’s apparent in my body.
For the first five weeks, I spent my days throwing up, staring at my hands, and trying not to throw up.
I threw up a whole world.
And it was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through, but I see now what a gift it was.
You cleansed me clean. Every part that needed to be let go of was released.
The oldest of energies was thrown up in our garden, over and over again.
And in the place where I threw up?
Poppies & sunflowers now bloom.
And I feel stronger, lighter and more present in my body than I have in my life.
Without even trying – without any conscious thought or will involved at all – I see my body transforming into the body it was singing to be.
My body – the body I share with you – now moves & eats entirely according to intuition. Some days, all I can eat is the lightest of foods, and think nothing of consuming a bowl of cherries for dinner. Some days, I wake up ravenous for food. Some days we need to cycle. Some days, we need to walk by the river. Some days, we need to swim.
And it might seem like a small thing – but it feels like something much, much bigger is happening here.
I am moulding into the goddess I have always been, the goddess I was born to be, your mama goddess, a creatrix goddess, a loving goddess.
I am strong and courageous… and I am light.
You have been a dream come true. I am becoming the woman I need to be in order to be your mama.
Your grandmama said to me at the beginning of all of this:
When I became a mama, I became who I was meant to be.
And I know what she means now.
I know in a way that is in my soul, and in my cells… and the truth of it will continue to be born.
I don’t want to say that I can’t wait to meet you…
because I’ve already met you, and right now, we are as close as two bodies could be.
I hold you, and you hold me.
As excited and joyful as I am about your birth, I don’t want to wish away these next three moons with you.
Together, we will adventure, and we will laugh.
There will be early mornings where we sit, meditating in the soft dawn light, smiling together.
There will be more naps like this afternoon, where I slept with my belly curled around your daddy’s head so we could both feel you move.
Each part of this journey is sacred, and a divine, loving blessing.
Thank you, darling.
Let’s keep having this much fun!
You are now so big that my belly gives big waves and ripples as you do your mermaid dance and flips. I hope you are comfortable in there darling.
Last night, me & your papa were laughing as we watched you flip, over & over in my belly, coming to rest with your back against the left of my belly button.
And your daddy got his big warm hands and softly massaged you through my skin…
and you shimmered, and I felt your joy radiate up to me,
and we watched as you pushed out against my skin, reaching up to touch your daddy.
I will teach you all the beauty, love, goodness & possibility I know in this world.
And I know you will teach me too.
Because that’s our sacred contract. That’s what we come into our lives to do…
to teach each other, and love each other,
and see God in each other.
That is how it has always been, and how it will always be.
You are a light in our hearts, dearest daughter. We are so blessed to have you in our world.
We will always love you from the stars, and beyond.
I always say:
You were born magnificent.
But I see now that we are magnificent before then too. We come ready made magnificent – even before we are the smallest light of cell… we are already magnificent.
I love you forever,