As I’ve said in the last few days…

I find it hard to

to release control

release love

and emit unconditional love

i am flighty and get scared that people will back away from my intensity

I had a bit of an oucheys but cathartic talk with my soul brother dan last night

he said to me

why do you freak out so much when you think people are judging you badly

you rabbit on about not being prejudiced or judgemental and only your own self thoughts mattering

but then get so upset when you hear people think you are weird or strange or whatever

you get the most upset out of anyone i know

i bit back at him

but then thought about it

and realised he was right

he wasn’t saying it to hurt me, he was saying it because he saw the big picture where i could not.

i love, but not unconditionally

i am nice, but not unconditionally

and i am working on it

it always counts on how people react to me or see me

but that’s no way to live is it?

because he’s right – an open heart is for *me* first and foremost

that others can choose to see me how they please

and it’s all okay

this is hard to accept

but its happening.

i am growing every day! just like you!

loving you in all our fear and love and open-heartedness and courageousness and sillyness 😉

tee hee hee