My loves…

For a good month, I was OBSESSED with a task management software called Motion. I was SO sure it would change my life! Save me from my ADHD wilderness and the tyranny of multiple task lists! It was all I could talk about for weeks on end.

But then, but then… I noticed I was feeling more anxious about work. Started feeling caged in by having my days dictated so strictly to me. Felt guilty when I had a low energy day and spent hours in bed instead of working at my to do list. My self esteem kept depleting with every missed task deadline.

I went to my osteopath, ostensibly to have my bones re-aligned but more often than not to get my head sorted. She listened to my ails before saying:

“So you’ve basically turned the job of your dreams into one that’s stressing you out?”

And so I had a long talk with myself. Reminded myself that me and my ADHD paper piles and mess aren’t a failure. Me being me in all my creative, all over the place self is the REASON for my success, not my downfall! What’s more – I’m not meant to fit the tools. The tools are meant to fit ME. And if they don’t fit me and uplift me, they need to be removed from my life.

This week, I took a deep breath and deleted Motion. Returned to my piles of paper, following the whimsies of my energy and inspiration. Some days, I take to my bed. Some days, I get a stint of deep focus and crank out more in 4 hours than most get done in 40. Some days, like today, it’s art day. And I paint and I write and I see what wants to be birthed next. And I take a deep breath… because I’m reclaiming my life and my business again.

This isn’t about Motion, and whether it’s a good tool or not. It wasn’t for me – not right now, not in this incarnation. What’s better instead is to keep reminding myself that what I need is inside me. There’s nothing flawed about me – there’s magic to be found in this mess of mine. There is divinity in this ebb and flow of mine, and I won’t push this star-shaped being of mine into a square-shaped hole.

Here’s to doing the work that fills you up… and letting go of anything that doesn’t.

All my love,