My love,

I’m going through something that feels really big right now, and I wanted to offer it up incase it resonates with you.

I don’t know if there’s something planetary or energetic woo-woo going on, but here’s how it feels for me:

The past couple of weeks have felt like a series of fires in my personal life. There’s been arguments and tears and heartache and confusion. While my little family unit is stronger than ever, currently everyday feels like a new fire crops up. School issues, extended family issues, arguments, my kids going through hard things. I feel like my job right now is putting out fires. Sometimes I firefight with love, sometimes I firefight with boundaries, sometimes I firefight by advocating for the ones I love.

My sweet smoothie cafe owner asked me yesterday how I was. I answered honestly, because I’m shit at lying: “Everything feels super messy, and I’m in the middle of the story. I don’t know the ending yet.”

“Ahh,” she said knowingly. “You’re uplevelling.”

It feels just like that.

As you probably know about me, I’m pretty determined when it comes to a goal. Once I’ve decided on something, I can become incredibly stubborn. I put my blinkers on, and I go for it, and I don’t often stop to reassess the situation, or whether the goal is still right for me or not.

We’ve had a plan for our family’s future for a while now about our kids’ education, and our location. And my sweet husband has kept coming to me to talk about needing to readjust that plan for what our kids are needing next, and I was reticent and unwilling. I was so fixated on what we’d already previously decided that I wasn’t open to seeing other possibilities.

But now the fires seem to be clearing away a lot of dead wood, and helping me see what is really there. I feel like with every thing that breaks or faults, I’m being given the gift of freedom. I can let go of old goals and decisions, and start looking at what is needed next. I can choose, and I can choose again.

In the meantime, I’m trying to practice good self care. The winds of change are blowing hard, but I need to nurture that deep sea of calm inside me.

I don’t know what’s next, but my blinkers are off. The world of possibilities is opening itself to me again. I bow down to it. Only a force as strong as this was enough for me to let go of my old vision.

I’m not sure what magic transformative force is weaving through my life right now, but I feel certain it must be for good reason.

I’m not sure if you’re feeling something like this too. No matter what – whether you’re in the midst of new beginnings, messy middles, or clarifying closure – may you know you’re not alone in all of this.

Holding your hand as we ride the waves together.
Ahhhh, we say. We are uplevelling.

All my love,

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