{this moment} we need more starry photos!

{this moment series inspired by soulemama}

tis true.

i think you might have seen more photos of lil mermaid when she was IN my belly than when out.

reason? she fills my hands now, not cameras and keyboard.

but still.

i aim to remedy this.

celebrate each lil unfurling of the most exquisite lotus blossom i’ve ever known.

the ostara faith avalon blossom.

each moment, only once.

big love


Talking About Routine

Hola gorgeous goddesses,

I am always intrigued by how others spend their days… How the moments and movements of life make up a day.

And even though my life changes day to day as it revolves around the star Ostara… There is a certain rhythm to be found.

Here’s one of my days lately…

Woken up at 6:30am by a little mermaid nuzzling at my arm for a feed. Chris brings me peanut butter on rice thins and a cup of herbal tea for breakfast.

Feed until 7:30am, get up and do some household stuff one-handed with little mermaid under one arm. Get Chris to do some daddy cuddling while I take a shower.

10am: convince Chris we need to go to Muffin Break. Feed little mermaid before we go and bundle her up into the car. I sit in the back seat next to her while Chris drives his Miss Daisies.

11am: gluten free spinach and fetta muffin with philli cheese. Om nom nom!

11:30: grocery shopping, peeks into bookstores.

1pm: home again. Feeding time again. Chris makes me lunch (vegetable and hommus wrap) and I eat one handed.

2pm: lay down with little mermaid, nap, feed. While she sleeps I sleep or read a book or itouch away.

3:30pm: get out of bed. Go for quick walk. Clean up house, start making dinner. Watch an episode of Community or Modern Family while feeding.

5:00pm: eat dinner. Give little mermaid a bath, get her ready for bed. Somehow squeeze five minutes to brush my own teeth and have a shower.

6:00pm: bedtime for little mermaid and this big mermaid. Oh yes, I go to bed at 6pm now! It’s my way of surviving :). We usually nurse for an hour before she falls asleep and I lay her down next to me.

6pm-6am: little mermaid wakes between 1-5 times during the night. There’s usually a four hour patch of sleep at the start, then 2-3 hour patches after that. When she wakes up, we nurse for about an hour until she’s asleep again. Wake up in the morning with a half asleep Ostara nuzzling at my arm… once she awakes she chuckles and gives us the biggest smiles in ze world.

On the weekdays when Chris is working, I keep the same rhythm of busy mornings and quiet afternoons.

One morning a week I go to Infant Massage class, another morning I go to our mama’s group.

The other days I stay at home, do washing (surprisingly therapeutic!), make our cottage as zen and lovely as can be, and bake stuff. I crank up our dehydrator to dry fruit & make raw cookies. I make spinach and fetta muffins, vegetable frittatas & raw lemon coconut slice. I am totallly becoming a domestic goddess… If only I didn’t dislike the word domestic so much… It sounds too much like septic! Maybe I shall rename myself Goddess of the Haven instead :). Yes, that is muchos better.

I keep busy and moving in the mornings because Ostara gets bored if I’m sitting down… She needs action and movement and interesting things! If we are with other people, or talking on skype she is all content to sit on her mama’s lap and watch and hear… Me thinks this Aries goddess is an extrovert who likes movement 🙂

My days are soooo different to what they were before… Slowly but surely we are finding our new dance step though!

And I know things will change again when we move (TWO FLIPPING DAYS!!!!!!!)… but here’s the polaroid of our days right now… (Remind me to do another routine post in a couple of months to see how things are different again!)

What about you dearest heart? How do you spend your glorious days? I would love to hear about goddess’ days around the world…


Zen Your Life: Choose your own adventure!

Hey beautiful hearts!

Each week, we hang out together as a gaggle of goddesses & make our gorgeous lives a little clearer, calmer and more zen. We do one Zen Your Life project together for the day… an easy, possible kind of project… just one small thing to make our lives more zen.

When we make space in our lives, we are making room for even more delight, comfort, magic and love to enter.

Sound like yummy delicious fun? Want some more zen goodness in your life?

Hurrah! Let’s start! We can doooo eeeeeeeet!

Today, your Zen Your Life project is:

Choose your own adventure!
What is the thing you most need to clear up today?
Share it in the Comments Circle & go do it!

Need some inspiration?

Check out what other goddesses are doing in the Comments Circle or do a mission from a past Zen your Life.

Loving you, fellow Zennifying Goddessa!

Facebook updates from heaven and 12 other things…

1. Some moments I am filled with grace and faith and trust. Other moments I am sad sad sad, feeling like there is a Justin-shaped hole in the world.

2. You know what be awesome? If they could update Facebook from heaven. Can we start a Facebook group for that? And we all LIKE the dinger out of it?

How good would it be to get status updates from the rainbow side? Photos uploaded? A chat here or there? I’d even be down with hearing about their latest FarmVille escapades, ya know.

Surely it shouldn’t be that hard. Heaven must have wifi. They probably have ADSL3, the lucky buggers. Riding around on unicorns with gleaming white iPads.

We just need the Heaven-Earth connectivity app and we’d be right.

Who’s with me?

3. Having said that, I have been using Heaven-Earth dial-up (aka intuition) and I know he’s happy and that my brother is taking care of him. Thanks big bro! You are the bestest!

I also know that there’s more messages to come in time, and things will get a little clearer but for now, I’m keeping my heart filled with what I do know.

4. I also know I will forget again and lose my faith and that will be okay. I also also know that I’ll keep finding that faith and grace again, no matter how many times I lose it, because it’s all around me. It’s what is really true.

5. Three days until we move. Oh my goddess grace. I’m going home to the place I belong. I need it and it needs me. I’ve got grand plans and small plans. Plans of vegetable patches and a new timber fence. Plans of friends visiting. Plans of creating a retreat. Plans of finding the owners of the acreages at Crystalbrook Retreat. Plans of doing lightwork at the sacred places, and opening up some energy vortexes there. I was talking to my lovely friend Akiah the other day – and we had exactly the same places in mind that have vortexes!

And I know vortexes is a strange sci-fi kinda word. I don’t know what other word to use though. It’s when it feels like there is a big swirl of energy coming out of the ground. Have you ever felt that? What do you call them?

6. Which reminds me of the first retreat I ran. We were looking for a place to make a labyrinth at Ingelara Retreat, and all the goddesses headed off on their own into the bush to find the right spot. And every single one of them found a special place that had such different earth energy. There was one spot that made you giggle with joy, another spot that felt like it had very old ceremonial energy, another spot that made you feel like you were flying like an eagle. It was one of the most amazing afternoons I’ve ever experienced!

We ended up creating the labyrinth beneath an old mama tree. It felt very safe and healing.

7. The crystal labyrinth I created at Crystalbrook Retreat is next to a riverbed. My big sister found the energy centre for it. She likes to pretend sometimes that she’s not psychic, but THE SECRET IS OUT PEOPLE! She’s actually one of the most gifted seers I know.

8. Yes, I’m one of those pushy younger sister types. Hee!

9. Are you ready for photos and video tsunami from tropical paradise?

10. Last week I had a dream about what my Next Big Thing will be. And it is totally nutty but I am absolutely certain of it, right in my very soul of soul. I have a clear vision of it – so I know that’s what I need to do. I glow when I think about it. I’ll be opening it up as soon as we are settled in Proserpine and I can make sure I can take care of everyone properly. Glowing. Like a beacon. Thrilled. In the very bestest of ways. I think you might really, really love this.

11. Starry is asleep beside me as I type this on my little iTouch. My love is next to her, reading a book on writing. I am truly blessed. Thank you Great Spirit.

12. Wherever we go, we leave magic chunks and love glitter in our trail…

13. There’s life in all of this. In all its splendidness. In the grief and the gladness. In the loss and in the gift. In creating and dreaming. In energy spaces and family. All of it. May I give thanks…

And most importantly, thank you for YOU. This goddess tribe? It’s the dearest circle of teachers, sisters, kindred spirits, muses and friends I could ever ask for.

Thank you for always reminding me of my wings.

Thank you for always showing me yours.


Attack of the Panics

Hola scrumptious hearts,

Thank you from my heart to yours for all the love, support, sharing, and kindred-spiritness about walking this grief journey. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I don’t know how to share just how much I am blessed and grateful that I share this goddess journey with you all. A thousand goddess sisters, all lifting each other up.

Last night, I had a dream I was in Jerusalem with Justin and a group of friends. We were eating gluten free pizza and raspberry smoothies, and checking out archaeological digs.

This morning, I remembered a funny thing that happened a couple of weeks ago. It makes so much sense now… I kept having dreams about my darling friend DB – he was my closest friend as a teenager. He was always like a little brother to me – just like JC was to Chris. Anyways, I kept dreaming of DB, and each time I would wake up and a voice would say: Tell DB you love him! I kept ignoring it. I didn’t want to be one of those crazy hippies sending soppy emails (ha!) But then the voice said to me: You’re going to kick yourself if DB leaves the planet and you don’t tell him you love him. So I did. And it was really beautiful. And then JC left. Bugger. SO CLOSE, intuition. SO CLOSE. Aaah well – what can I do but trust it was all perfect anyway?

I wrote the below the day before Justin passed away. It makes more sense now more than ever.


Over the last few weeks, I could feel the long fingers of panic creeping back into my life. First with little moments of breathlessness. Then a vague feeling of strain looping around my chest. Until it became The Great Unignorable, stopping me in my tracks with a gaping hole in my solar plexus and rasping breaths.

Hello, dear panic attacks. You are here again.

It’s understandable of course. My mind is a kind big sister to my nervous system:

But of course you feel like this dearest! You just became a mama and you are working how to care for a babe AND you are in the middle of selling your house just as the market went a bit down and your first buyers pulled out and your second ones still haven’t signed the contracts but hopefully should be right this very moment AND you are moving AND mr hottie has quit his job to move AND you worry about your business like all business owners do. And have I mentioned you just became a mama? It’s utterly understandable for you to feel this way.

Thanks big sister mind! You rock!

So I stopped ignoring it.

What do you need, dearest heart?

I need walks at dusk. I need long slow breaths. I need to feel like I’m not the headless running chook. And I need energy put back into me again. I need some healing and restoration.

So I went to see my lovely blue eyed acupuncturist this morning. It’s funny how different life is BB and AB. Before Babe and After Babe). AB meant an acupuncture appointment for me was an orchestrated event like a ballet consisting of sitting in the back seat with Starry while we drove there to sing Eency Weency Spider (she’s still not a fan of car rides), getting there early enough to feed her again, talking to the acupuncturist while cooing at her, mr soul hunk taking her for a walk while I got acupuncture only to return ten minutes later with an unsettled little mermaid, then for the thrilling overture, him hovering lil mermaid over my un-needled boob to feed her while I pissed myself laughing. Aaaah, mamahood, you really do teach me how to be strong, zen and laughing!

So between the intricate baby balleting, Lovely Acupuncture Man told me all the things I was experiencing were from a depleted system after a year of pregnancy, birthing and breastfeeding. It makes sense really. Mamas are amazing creator creatures… We really do need to top up our energy levels. Acupuncture dude also suggested some not-so-delicious herbs to restore my system, which I readily agreed to. What I’ve learned since becoming a mama is that my own health (and mood) is crazy important to keeping our lil family floating along beautifully. So any investment I can make in keeping me healthy and radiant is really damn worth it. That’s what I say anyway!

Then today we had sacred synchronicity play into our lives. We were guided to a mall, and ran into a lovely angel friend who I circled with a few years ago. She’s an amazing mama, and we ended up eating pies together with our three and a half fairy children (she’s getting ready to welcome another little empress in her life! SO beautiful!)

It was just the balm I needed. We talked about all the good things: mamahood, birthing, bushflower essences, red tents and women circles. I could feel Chris beside me grinning. It was just like old times – talking about life and spirit interwoven. We felt like our old selves – just this time with a four month old mermaid sitting on us, eating paper as the bigger kids drew pictures of lions.

Aaaahhhh… Our old selves… We’ve missed you! As much as we’ve grown, we still haven’t quite integrated our old spirit-talking ways back into our lives fully. Does that make sense? When me and hunky do talk, it’s a rush to talk about feelings and moving and new parenthood. We don’t get to share as deeply about our spirits as we used to. I know things will change again – they always do. It was just so precious to be talking our talk again today.

My panic attacks have ebbed away again. I’ve promised myself good self care… Rejuvenating myself with soul tonics: Australian Bushflower Essences in Calm & Clear and Emergency mixes. Sleep. Green smoothies. Gentle talks with my love. Multivitamins. Stopping having Perfect Parenting rules on myself, and giving myself a bit of slack, a bit of space, a bit of kindness.

Just the remedies this mama needs…

What about you dearest heart? What are your soul tonics? How do you heal panic attacks?

I love you I love you I love you,