life is uncertainly beautiful always…

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Leonie’s List of Things to Do This Life Continued…

56. Work in a bookstore
57. Perform a rain dance
58. Wear a grass skirt and a coconut bra
59. Get a professional dress-ups photo taken (dressed up like another era)
60. Baptise a baby
61. Find a signature perfume scent
62. Create a dreamboard
63. Watch a foal being born
64. Marry myself
65. Give birth
66. Find a song that sings about a Leonie
67. Have no idea about what I’m going to be doing for a year
68. Tell a stranger they look beautiful
69. Give a spontaneous hug to someone I wouldn’t usually.
70. Cut and polish a rock
71. Make a plaster cast of my breasts & belly and paint it
72. Belly dance in blue
73. See a buffalo
74. Take photos of the red dirt of the Grand Canyon against a blue blue sky.
75. Gondola. Venice.
76. Meet SARK.
77. Paint rocks
78. Paint with ochre rock dust
79. Create my own set of oracle cards
80. Delve and acknowledge the wisdom of my authentic and ancient self
81. Drink tea made from loose tea leaves
82. Make a necklace
83. White water raft
84. Ride a horse again
85. get henna painted on my hands

carve our own trail…

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tai chi full moon goddess

i met chris for lunch.
i said:

all my life i have been good. very good.
i did exactly what people thought was the right thing for me to do.
at every step in the road, i have known what to do and what was next.

a daily guru email this morning struck me deeply.

it said:

“If you see your path laid out in front of you — Step one, Step two, Step three — you only know one thing… it is not your path. Your path is created in the moment of action. If you can see it laid out in front of you, you can be sure it is someone else’s path. That is why you see it so clearly.”

~ Joseph Campbell

What? No one to follow? Now that’s a scary thought!

And yet, that’s what life asks each of us to do – to chart our own path. We are each unique. We’re told our uniqueness is our gift to the world. And so why would we even want to follow in someone else’s footsteps?

Can we trust ourselves to carve our own trail?

the “right path” ahead i saw before isn’t MY path. it’s not the way i want to l i v e.

chris said to me some time back that everyone should be naughty at some stage in their life. go against the grain. do exactly as you please without accommodating others. he did it, and he was glad for it. and he said to me: “you know, you’ve never really been naughty. you’ve always been the one with things under control, with everything perfect and right. you knew what to do. you’ve had “good jobs” (i.e. office jobs) ever since you were 18. what next?”

his words surprised me at the time. i hadn’t thought about it like that before. he was right. i had never left space in my life for inconsistencies. i never had to dig deep because my career path was carved. i never truly asked myself what i wanted to be.

and now there is unsettle in me. i’m digging the dirt. i wonder what it would be like for six months to do something else. maybe longer.

i said to him:

you know, mermie paints rocks.
i would really like to paint rocks too.

i feel like there isn’t enough time space in my life for things to grow. for me to be surprised and adventurous.

i’m not sure what will happen from here.

there is a life out there that i am dreaming up and dreaming of.
i want to grab it.

at the moment when people ask me what “i do”… i say i’m a full time public servant, a part time university student and i have a creative business on the side (that usually gets squeezed out coz of time).
and people always say back: wow, that’s a lot of stuff.

i would like to say:

i paint rocks.
i take pictures.
i paint.
i write.
sometimes i work in a bookstore.

change is afoot.
not only is it afoot, but i am running on this big, beautiful earth.
running with the buffalo in search of my truth.


update on my “one new thing everyday project”

today i:
* did not turn my laptop on before i went to work {i usually scoff my breakfast over my laptop}
* i instead did tai chi in the morning while listening to enigma.
* did tai chi under the full moon. in a beanie and gloves and jumper in raquel’s goddess skirt. it was supposed to snow tonight, and there i was in the backyard, doing seranade to the full moon, humming songs to myself. {i highly recommend the experience}
* began painting my own moon cycle stick

what have you done NEW today?

how do you see your trail onwards?

mud-luscious adventures…

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The world is mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful.
e. e. cummings

Last night was my women’s circle. It was beautiful and empowering and insightful.
My incredible friend Deb led it, and today I find myself sorting through the gifts, blessings and lessons. One of the tasks she gave us was this:

For one month, do one NEW thing every day.
it can be small, it can be big. it can be as simple as driving a different way.
it’s moving outside of our box of regularity, comfort and restrictions.
it’s opening space for new things to appear and grow.
i am so excited by its possibilities.

Yesterday I ate a persimmon.
Today I did THREE THINGS: I chose a sandwich instead of a donut at lunch {donuts no longer serve me}. When I got home I did some tai chi and it was divine. AND then I made handmade raspberry hot sauce to eat over ice-cream for the first time.

following this… i got inspired by natalie mac’s “Things to Do this life” list.
So here’s mine. I might get some done this month.
Who knows where these deliciously adventurous days will take me…

Leonie’s beginning list of THINGS TO DO

1. Have a midnight picnic
2. Paint my nails bright purple
3. Have a bicycle with streamers on the handlebars
4. Have henna painted on the palms of my hands
5. Read tea leaves
6. Learn how to say “thank you” in six languages. {three completed. three to go.}
7. Play Bingo in a Bingo hall.
8. Scuba dive
9. Hanglide
10. Wear a lot of bangles on my wrists so I can make music when I *sashay*
11. Swim with dolphins
12. Spread happy graffiti/street stickers
13. Photograph project of street art
14. Hold the hands of my beloved on a beach and say *I do* while looking intensely into his eyes
15. Begin & finish my second gratitude journal
16. Finish reading “Women who run with the Wolves”
17. Read “Mists of Avalon”
18. Read a Henry Miller book
19. Finish an Anais Nin book
20. Have a book launch
21. Write silly and insightful sayings on t-shirts and wear them
22. Paint like a goddess
23. Watch “What the Bleep Do we Know”
24. Watch the Qaatsi trilogy
25. Record a full length song
26. Dance on a table
27. Design my own sticker series
28. Feel truly enriched, uplifted and satisfied by my career. Touch other’s lives with my work.
29. Get published by a publishing house
30. Paint a photo frame
31. Have a big treasure chest of artsy goodies
32. Make an altar
33. Cook a creme brulee
34. Play a magical April Fool’s Day trick
35. Get an eyebrow ring
36. Rockclimb
37. Have bright blue hair
38. Canoe/Kayak on Lake Burley Griffin
39. Go to a Sacred Heart Gathering at Uluru
40. Howl at full moon
41. Learn the dates for star signs off by heart
42. Get a tattoo
43. Do an art portfolio up with photos of all my works
44. Learn Tibetan Buddhist meditation
45. Dance on a beach at night
46. Have a LeoniePaLooza
47. Sleep under the stars again
48. Hike for three days
49. Eat noodles again at a streetvendor stall in SE Asia
50. Have a hammock.
51. Own a blue car
52. Add to this list
53. Change my name to Leonie Cougar Mellancamp Allan {or not}
54. Dress in disguise
55. Get so flexible i can bend my head to my knees

i DARE YOU to write your own.

The Great Release.

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commission, today.

Where to begin?
I post this now, instead of tomorrow night.
Tomorrow night is a gathering of the women’s circle.
I am so looking forward to being back there. Being with my women.

Revealing. Releasing. Surrendering. Opening. Learning.

I am ready for the lessons. The journeying.
I am ready to walk with my buffalo spirits.
I see them everytime I close my eyes.
They are there. Their gentleness and massive bodies calm me.
I walk beside them. I run beside them.
They nuzzle my side and push me forward.
Walk your walk, Leonie. Walk your talk. Now is the time.

The buffalo power and sureness of step comforts me, encourages me.
I ask for their lessons. I will share my gifts with them.

I know my shift. I have felt introverted and seeking in the deepness of the West.
The West has given me lessons and gifts I needed. It granted me the serenity of darkness for my own internal search. Held by mother Bear, I was soothed and wonderously lost and found again. The finding is a gradual unpeel, a stripdance of the spirit, unravelling threads which are tangled and long to be free.

The sun shines towards me from the north now, and I am gathering my belongings from my cave. There are fields and plains to walk across in the destiny of my own truth.

I began reading a book last night. Native Wisdom by Ed McGaa, a Native American. A book just as I need it, long for it, dream of it.

I find my balance today. Long hours in my homeland of the art table. Creating, drawing, freeing the coloured energies from my body. It has been months since I painted last. You begin to worry that you have lost it, but you haven’t. It’s there for the uncovering and delighting in, always.

I speak my truth. I am conscious of my thoughts.
I am doing the very best I can.

I want henna painted on the palms of my hands in the shape of a sun.
I want the energy to pour from them.
I want I want I want.
I ask and I ask.

I read a part of a book in a store the other day. Tomorrow I will find the book and claim it as my own.
A 17 year old girl said:
We girls, we stand in front of the mirrors for hours on end.
We are wondering what others think of us, how they see us.
But we aren’t asking what we want for ourselves.

I’m asking now.

The NEWS Letters…

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Had a fantastically creative day.
Filled with hours sitting at my wooden art table by the glass doors, light flooding in.
The sweet scent of banana cake cooking as rain dropped from the heavens outside.
Painting and cutting and uncovering.

Today’s creative series is called “The NEWS Letters.”
A while ago, I doodled all over the faces in a newspaper.
I kept the paper, and today I stuck them in my journal, along with letters cut out from the paper.

They were like little love notes and reminders to myself, inspired by the characters in the pictures that I had caricatured over. I realised that however we think about others is so much a part of how we think of ourselves. This is me, claiming my thoughts, judgements and values.

I even made a few stalker postcards to send to friends. I dare you to do the same! There’s nothing like sending mysterious unsigned cut~out letter love notes to bond a friendship. *gigglesnort*

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