oh.my.goddess. remember when ostara was SO little?
Hola gorgeous Goddesses!
Truth: Writing Ostara’s birth story was big.
Truth: Sharing it was big.
The Reason? I felt, and still feel responsible for, and protective over maidens and pregnacious mamas.
I didn’t want it to be a scary birth story.
See… The thing is, when I was pregnacious, I was so afraid of hearing birth stories that weren’t empowering or lovely. I really needed to claim a space in my head and heart where birth wasn’t a scary thing. I needed to fill up on good stories, on ecstatic stories, I needed to know there was a possibility that birth wasn’t going to be something awful for me to endure. I needed to turn it around and make it my own, and make it sacred.
So many times, I felt like mamas wanted to tell me their kinda scary birth stories, and I didn’t want to listen. And I know now, those beautiful women were trying to help too. All of our stories are sacred. Even those birth initiations that take time to heal and integrate and come to peace with.
It took me time to heal from mine, emotionally, physically, soulfully. I don’t know why that surprised me, but it did. My vajayjay had stitches, I had haemerroids, and I was still in shock about going to labour land and being a birthing Buddha. And if I could go back, I would say:
Sweet Leonie, it’s all going to be okay, you are doing so well, be gentle my darlingest, you are in soul transformation.
Nobody can take this time or path or journey away from you, not even your own sweet mama who said “If I could do this for you Leonie, I would. I know it is hard.” Nobody can do your birth for you, nobody can take away those intense days of being a new mama and having a newborn. They can help, but it’s your path to walk. And I know that is as scary as hell and sometimes you want to run away just to remember who you were when your breath was your own… But you will stay. And your soul will be reborn. And you will be carved into your best self.
I can promise you this, my beautiful Leonie. Each moment will pass. Especially the hard ones. You will forget about them the day after, or the day after that. But the good moments? They will dance and glow in your spirit forever. The first time you can soothe your daughter with rocking and soft singing. When her eyes light up to see you. When everything begins to make sense again.
Yes, things are different now. And so are you. And it’s okay to grieve that. It’s absolutely okay to feel sad and longing for your days just being an artist and creator goddess. Because, ding dang they really were special days.
And now there are new kinds of special days. They are bigger and they call on more of you, but you are holding gold. The gold of a child.
All you need to do my love is the best you can.
I love you I love you I love you.
More and more I realise, we need to hold, support, uplift and take care of our new mamas. They are doing the big work.
And when I’m up at three a.m., lost and dishevelled, may I know there is an older, wiser me, as well as legions of mama goddesses around the world sending me so.much.love.and.understanding.
Wherever you are at… you are loved, you are supported, you are held.
P.S. More to come this week. Hope you are having a beautiful celebration season. I’m hanging out in the studio, having some Leonie time, playing in my 2011 workbook, making a big folder of journal pages & my workbook & some worksheets that I call the Folder of Leonie, collaging & making sanctuaries. Making some space for a new year. Oh new year, you are so fresh and holy! Thank you thank you thank you!
It’s Christmas Eve in our little corner of the world.
The back of our little cottage here in tropical paradise is surrounded in sandbags. We’re in the middle of torrential flooding & we could get up to half a metre (!!!!) of rain tomorrow.
(Our driveway yesterday)
And yet, it is still and gentle.
I can hear the sound of rain, frogs, crickets.
Tonight, Ostara fell asleep in her papa’s arms for the first time since she was a newborn. It’s a Christmas miracle! She’s now all cosy in our bed.
My love is doing what all men do on Christmas Eve… filling out a workbook on self-knowing. (Helllloooooo hot aware man! YAY! Can I just HIGH FIVE the universe for him?)
And I’m blogging away & organising some new To Do List software. It feels strangely soothing… like I’m eeking out a vision of how I want my life to unfold.
We’ll wake up and open presents. I can pretty much tell you what presents mean in this house: books and books and books. Oh and an I Ching poster and some art and giant lego.
And the rest of the day will be hinged upon whether the skies open up and make our home a little island or not.
If we’re flooded in, we’ll consume large quantities of chocolate and watch romantic comedy movies and cuddle and play all day.
If we can drive down to the beach, we’ll gather with my ginormous crazy family plus add-ons to feast.
Either way, it’s all good.
You know what my favourite part of Christmas is?
1. That practising extreme self care (i.e. luxurious laziness) is so easy to do. Last night, the three of us curled up in bed at 8pm. We listened to Sia and read books and laughed and played on our ipods and listened to the rain on the roof. My god, it was GOOD.
2. I’ve forgotten number two. There was a number two!
3. Oh yes. The fact that for all of December, whenever anything good happened, I would say:
IT’S A CHRISSSSTMAS MIRRRRACLE!!!!!
with my eyes all lit up like Santa just came down the chimney.
I can’t wait for good stuff to happen so I can say it again and AGAIN tomorrow.
Please, by all means, take it, use it, spread it. My gawd it is FUN to do!
It’s a Christmas miiiiirrrrrrrrrracle!!!!
Our tree is snow white and covered with glitter balls and glitter tinsel and glitter butterflies.
This year, I want to celebrate that I’ve made it through the most holy, profound, intense & hard transformation of my life.
That I’m starting to walk out the other side, starting to glimpse glowing embers alight and dancing inside me again, opening all the doors and brushing off the doorstep for Joy to find its way home again.
I’m celebrating my power and my strength and my courage.
My ability to be vulnerable. My gift at choosing healing again and again. My inner knowing that the only way is finding that light – that goddess inside me again and again. Even when I forget.
And I’m celebrating those holy things outside me too:
A man I love who I find unspeakably beautiful. A daughter who is absolutely everything I have ever dreamed of. A job being a Goddess, the job I was born to do. Two very fluffy doggies who want nothing more than to pour love on us every moment of each day. A family who adores us. A sweet little home in tropical paradise.
Thank you Great Spirit.
All my love to you, dearest goddess sister.
I think of you so often… my friend that I write to through the computer. I feel you all out there so intensely and deeply. Even if you don’t comment, I hear you. I feel so utterly heard by you. And I feel this wave rise up to meet me each time I turn to face the page, waiting to see what words will be revealed. I know you are out there, kindred spirits. I know you are walking this path beside me. Each of us on our own goddess journeys, facing challenges, learning the wisdom and medicine we need, finding the bright and blazing light inside us. My gosh, we really are a remarkable bunch. It is true. And I feel like it’s growing, this wave, this circle, this temple of goddesses. Good and big things are ahead for each of us. I just feel it in my bones. I can’t tell you how or where or why, but I have faith as strong as a mountain. It is there.
To you, my dearest, may your day, and all the days to follow, be filled with unspeakable beauty and utter sumptuousness, celebrating all of the very very good in your life.
(They kinda remind me of my own watercolour goddesses, but the textures! And richness! This woman knows of love and spirit and of all the good things!)
These Holiday Stress Survival Tips are dang good. Thanks to my hottie for finding these. Three cheers for hot soulful lover men! Hip hip! Hooraaaaaay! Hip hip! Hooooraaaaaay! Hip hip! Hooooorayayayayayay!
I’m in love with an only child. We’re thinking of being the parents of an only child. There’s not a huge amount of super positive “yay! only children” articles out there, so I flipping love this magical article that rights the scales: Why Only Children Are Awesome. (And honestly? I am pretty sure it’s all good no matter if you’re an only child or not. Love is the Big Thing.)
And I had a little voice tell me to tell you about the videos I used to learn EFT just incase one of you needs them right now.
And the below one… I tried watching all the way through, but was in tears within moments. I think I’m at my healing capacity for today… but maybe another day, mmmm?
All juiced up now?
Now… any time you need a reminder of love, goodness, peace and gentleness this celebration seasion… just pop back this way, okaysies?
We have your goddess back!
we heart you beyond ze moon,
“I loved the 2010 workbook, it really helped me focus on some important goals and changes that I was making in my life. It became my safe port in many storms throughout 2010 and kept me beautifully motivated and on track with making things happen. I can honestly say that I am ending this year in a much better place than I was at the same time last year and I attribute a lot of that to the powerful tool that is the 2010 Workbook. I have big plans for 2011 and can’t wait to begin it with the 2011 workbook!” ~ Caitlin Mowbray, www.thedivinebusiness.com
We are looking back and celebrating the greatest hits & goodness of 2010 here at Goddess Guidebook…
Here’s Part Two of our thrilling installment!!!
Starting back in February…
Walking the wise woman way
It’s the story of a eight-month pregnant woman who was so lost and anxious. Who found herself on top of a mountain & heard the wisdom of her elders. Who told her all she needed to know. That story? It is mine, and is yours too.
Reading it again was immensely healing for me. Since it was written through me, I am a different woman – but the same. standing ten months into the future, beyond the precipice of birth & mama initiation, well onto the journey of motherhood. And oh, how I needed to hear those words again.
Do you know why I love being a goddess so very much?
Because I learn what it is I need to know. I teach myself. I get to learn just by listening to what comes in the wind. The voice of my higher self, the soul of Great Spirit.
Women tell you their birth stories filled with pain because they have a wound. They did not know the path of the wise woman way when they birthed. They did not know. We need women to be able to know the wise woman way if they want it. You can help in bringing this to those who need it.
But for now, plait your hair and lace feathers through it, like you always have done. Stand on the top of the mountain, staff in hand, and see how the mountains glow.
Remember again this world is filled with light, with spirit, with wisdom, with joy… that birthing and mamahood is a part of this.
We are not asking you to be different from who you are… we are asking you to remember who are you are, deep down in your cells – the woman of power, presence, knowing and radiance.
Bring this into your journey now. You belong here.
Oh my darling. Reading back over the sharings of my eight-month-pregnant-self makes me want to travel back through the waves of time to hug my sweet, pregnant self.
At eight months pregnant, I was turning Ostara head-down from being breech. I was deeply questioning my choice in birth carer & deciding whether I needed a home birth. And then Chris’ grandmother made her rainbow journey just a month before Ostara was born. We travelled to his birth land for her ceremony.
It was an incredibly intense time…
but I am so grateful to read those sharings over and over again.
I sense in them so much of my anxiety and wondering, but also this sense of peace. Of gentleness. Of knowing.
That no matter what, everything would end up okay.
(and it did).
In the early morning light, before the ceremony, your daddy takes me down to his birth~river. We stand in Mama Murray’s waters, bathing our feet and hands, washing my belly, so that you would know this was the water of your father’s land. And the river shone blue and gold at dawn, and there were fish and cockatoos and crows and ibises. And there was you, me and your daddy. And a holy river that brings life.
And then at the burial grounds, standing there with my full moon belly filled with you, watching as one generation returns back into the earth, just as you ready yourself to enter. An old priest performs the ceremony, and in his words, I find the truth of not just one religion, but the truth of Spirit. The sun glows over all of us, and he pours water and earth over the tree that holds your great-grandmother.
Over and over, I think of his words:
The Lord is my Shepherd, and I shall not want for anything.
Great Spirit is my guide, and I have all that I need.
I’ve been getting a bazillion orders of the five packs of ze 2011 Creating your Goddess Workbook, Planner & Calendar this week… I’m guessing a lot of goddesses are gifting them onto their clients, mamas, sisters & soul sisters for solstice/Christmas/New Year’s/just because you’re fabulous!!!
It’s way lovely & inspiring.
Oh! And funny story!
How did I meet the beautiful goddesses in the STUNNING photo above?
Helena on ze left is the most gentle, grounded Leo I know.
I met her on my first day of boarding school when I was 16. She was my dorm head girl, and as soon as I saw her kind face, I knew everything was going to be okay. And it was.
Sone I met on ze internet. It’s the classic millenia love story, really. We hung out on the SARK message board, then I invited her to be a goddess of honour at my inner marriage ceremony. She drove three hours to be there. The moment I saw her, I knew we had been dear friends before and that we would be dear friends again. And we were.
And Kayles I met through the very first women’s circle I led! Both my mentors weren’t able to lead circles anymore, and I adored women’s circles so much I thought… You know what? If I want a women’s circle, I’ll have to lead one myself. So I did!
Magical connections through and through!
(Matchy pouty faces are just a bonus. I like to call this look the “Myspace pout”.)
So I just thought I’d remind you that the five packs are available incase you’re feeling inspired… I’ve made them uber cheap as well so they can spread as far over the world as their sweet little wings can take them! You can send a mega love letter to five of your dearest goddess sisters for only $34.95.
GROUP HUGS!!! my beautiful friends on the interwebz!